I never noticed when I could think again, as I never noticed when I could move my arm again or to hold a cup in my hand and I basked in months dreaming of these days to live again yet it’s filled with sorrow now of the past and fear of the future... but limitation is in the mind and determined by possibility. Emotional and reactionary behaviors can be quantified and I can contemplate upon quantum physics as well as quantum mechanics but life is lived and can’t be dwelled in such calculations our true nature just is and we will continue to learn and thrive in exploration. Days felt the same and years passed now and I can say there is no difference between yesterday to today in the sense that it’s different always, it’s a paradox because time is only an illusion and our actions create our reality and the best meaning not to wait one day but to live for today. As,“nothing is impossible the word itself says I’m possible” is in quotation by Audrey Hepburn.
I don’t think I worded this appropriately but I don’t feel like being exact with my words.
*Ranting** I haven’t written actually anything sensual or intriguing for a while now except thought.
I saw some deer, ducks, spiders, butterflies and ladybugs today. It was evoking such an intense emotion as I cried in its striking immaculate conception as if the trust in the universe was there in its secrets to be able to experience these small moments in its stillness and to explore its beauty, to bask in the glory as the movement and change was seen in the animals and the sky above as it rained lightly while I cried both of joy and sadness.
I had done something today, I had been wanting to for a very long time, I hadn’t felt more liberated and free too while burning bridges and speaking my truth.
~Rant post~ Remnants of a love, I felt deeply, as it was perfect because I didn’t want anything more then to laugh with this person and to be by their side as I respected him and admired him for his kindness.
But as my mother said once, “You can’t force me to love you.” , I will take into reconsideration as I understand it in a lighter tone now as I can chose to love but not let anyone have any power over me but to love selflessly and to continue to give it because it never ends. And as of this ghost of my past it can’t have any power so that I can move on now. I’m making peace with all that is.
The relationship between this novelty of philosophy has been contrived from nothing and into fear, shame, alter ego and even confidence. It’s been a journey and yet I find the comfort in questions once again. The questions that can’t be answered and the questions we can ask ourselfs, the questions to ask each other and the important questions of how to love again?
The silence is loud as the pain is throbbing and the snow is pouring as I witness the slow death of someone else. Communication is threatening and voices in my own head are begging for distraction. The thoughts are flooding with days getting longer and the sun feeling to painful to be in with an image blurry in reflection of what I see demeaning me in who I thought I was.
Its difficult and different beginning to live again. My cognitive functions and physical conditions are getting better.. and I was praying for these days .. and now I’m absolutely afraid and overwhelmed.. and nothing is the same from where I am which can sound exciting but it’s scary. The world is new to me yet familiar though still..
Introspection on nature. 2 years sober is a big deal for me right now as I’m finding myself again and healing with physical therapy for my body and I’m going to continue to grow from where I am now even if it’s still difficult and hard. (My writing is awfully worded and not correctly put as this was just a simple thought more so then anything written with justice.)
Woke up feeling this way A Food morning to you all .........______............______..........._______........._____.....
guise in disguise As eyes arise, devise i rise in lies Suprise, cause my piece like pies. Unwise, you surmise Please do revise, then you see beneath those false sight Am not here for the prizes. Faces unseen words be heard My rhymes be gone I NOT WHOM YOU HAVE PICTURE !