just another sunflower in the world of roses.
You are the heroine I would always want to snort,So That I can have the euphoria of you in my vien,and the sadness? Well. I am not ketting that go too,I am gonna absorb it in my big heart and I won't give it to you.yes I won't see, that's the first time you heard this in love right?Not giving heart,well practically you don't, you never.You love.you give parts.So I will give you my beautiful parts. or atleast try and absorb your sad parts.and I will have my tainted heart.Seems impossible, well even to me. I have a array of sadness buried in me, but well that smile,That just numbs them off.So yes you are the heroine without even knowing you are my heroine.Only, I know I consume you, It's all our secret okay?I..well Let's just that be a secret.
If My brain puts down it's shutter someday with all the negative thoughts. I would love to have you and just a lens so that I can see you everywhere, and I can have my peace with meand Keep smiling while listening to all the love songs.
If our love could change with colours,Then Will you accept my dangerous thoughts of negativity in RED? and make it "stop"And My sometimes lame jokes and sarcasm in YELLOW? and "look after me."And My positivity and extra dedication on things which are important just for me? In GREEN?Will you carry my wishes too through our long path of misunderstandings, and arguments?Will you be transparent and there for me like BLUE?Or you will turn into GREY by looking at my clumsiness and Messiness in thoughts?And then it will be all BLACK without you?
You are like the pillow of happiness without which I can't sleep.But is it fine to have some sleeping pills like him, once in a while?You are like that constant beautiful sun which will rise in my routinebut is it fine to stay in his thoughts home once in a while?You are like the Madness and smile and laughter,But Is it Fine to cry whole day for him once in a while?Your presence is like My beauty present,Is it Fine If I dwell in past sometime?
It's like,I am swimming in the occean alone without equipments, And Obviously I couldn't. But I felt the choke.I am standing on top of the stage with a huge crowd having nothing to speak, just that embarassment. I feel like, I am a monster inside trying to smile and impress the intruders.But then, I know I am not, THE MONSTER.I am the survivor of the Monsters Inside.This bubble of overthinking and sadness is suffocating inside, It's like they both fight each other inside and you just an collateral damage of Shit thoughts and if's..nobody knows that you are in the bubble,Or MAYBE, Someone would have tried for you to get out,or well, They just would have been a spectator.and then that thing paints everything even if you come out of that bubble.You choose to stay Isolated with boundariesBut it's also like. you try to radiate positivity, by keeping every negativity packed up inside a ball,and that ball is hard to carry sometimes.It's like you are tangled in so much emotions and you know the pain, So, you choose to untangle other's pain instead.you are that coated shadow, helping others but suffering secretly.
Sometimes, It's hard to be the same person,Behave the same way you did to people.Be welcoming and keep your kindness up.So I put guards on Instead, and sometimes Even They get Cracks due to loneliness.
You look like a dried Leaf In search of waterAnd I am the monsoon.Give me a chance to make you wet in my love.Just Don't get too drenched.
When everything moves like happiness,I want you to be my solitude and stay.Give me realisations and Hold onto me..
One makes me feel giddy in my stomach and fills my heart with bliss with just simple looks,But I am scared If He take my fragile heart, He might just fill it with confusion and chaos.Yes that might, Change everything.One makes me feel Happy inside out, with all the cute jokes and weird actions,Maybe to make me laugh, or maybe just for him.Maybe He is a wreckage too, Or what If I put cracks on him?One makes me feel curious about the mystery of what happened in his life that he has the same abandonment issues like I am, and maybe we can be together And take time to trust and not abandon each other.One makes me feel Home, And gives the feeling of a keeper, which feeds all the Negativities and Make me stay.But what If I am not a constant person?That ifs of assumption and overthinking let more things be.Is it greedy to have alot of Ones who make you feel you, Each for every broken part Or I should wait for the one, and keep finding little happiness Or just complain if He doesn't nourishes all the broken parts?Does that make me a fluctuated person?Does that Make me Greedy, And Less of a girl?Will that Hush away everyone?
My smile is beginning to fade, I feel so done expressing, listening to people, trying to be happy, and just overthink everything every incident.Yes,I want just the four boundaries around me, but not physically, just mentally. But I will tell you what happens?just like a door, My mind has special channels for special person to come in and go out.But I don't know why, I wait for them to come in.And that waiting hurts.Everything hurts now, Initiating conversations, Having conversation, Making friends, walking alone, fake laughs, Expressing, analysing, Living.I hope this kindness and empathy just doesn't fade away,with the cruelty and overthinking of the petty world.Also, Hoping hurts too.
You took pieces of me only to fix them with yours.@sereiin @fajr_fajr @theultimateinsane Okay so I have finally written something. #WasI
Was I just a map that you loved tracingOn weekends to travel to places where you have never been, The parts of me were never mine but yours to explore, The lips of mine took you to places you'd never imagine you'll ever find on a hot wintery night where they were like light to your smoky dark lips.Was I just a history that you craved for, Or the Warfield that wrecked cities apart, Your hands were like the deadly swordDestroying everything that came in between, From rummaging the sadness in my eyes,To destroying the ounce of faith on my thighs.Was I just a heart numbing fiascoOr the heaps of warmth that you craved forEvery night before going to the bed that screams of loneliness, For all I know you plucked pieces of warmthFrom me every night to numb the rotten heart, For all I know you sucked the disaster away from my dead collarbone, For all I know you tricked my earlobes into your talks to melt them with your heartbreaking touch. Was I just a chance at love for you, For all I know you ripped apart the strings of ache, hatred from my back with your fingers,Your mouth traced the locations on my tired rib cage, For all I know you brought back the storms that used to lie in some corner for yearsBy kissing the knuckles away, You tore the regrets away that night,By holding me close to your heartYou licked the self loathing away, Only to leave me with your love, I used to dread the darknessBut now I am scared of lightThat you filled me with.©dusky_dawn
@writersnetwork Thank you so much for the repost :)
Rogue.A rogue at night.A warrior in the light. I stole a stale breadFor my kids.One 8 and other 6They were dying of hungerYet a smile settled in between their lipsFor all these years they learntTheir dad is a warrior. I stole a ladies purseThe other day. At 9 at night. A few 100's were sleeping in betweenI took 2 from the lot and left the purseOn the bench of in front of cop. The lady stretched her hands.Wiped her tears and screamed In joy"I found it" I smiled from distance. And walked back. With a sad smile and a sad heartThat was attacked by the cheap theft. 4 hands hugged my legs with smiles"I have got you food" I said and "Stop stealing father. We"ll find some other way" The elder one said. "I only know how to steal things. I wish I have learnt how to earn them"I kissed them goodbye.Handed them the food and left the nightWith a heavy heart to another destination.I stole a women's heartOn the night of Christmas Heavenly drunk with Cheetos stuffedIn her mouth. A red backless dressShe yelled "Why do humans love breaking hearts"? And held me by the collar. Her staring at me was enoughTo her kissing me for 5 minutesAnd 5 minutes were enough to her fall in love with me.I stared at her. Kissed her back. And settled in between the city lightsWith a scotch in my left handAnd her hand wrapped around my right handWe skipped cities. We skipped culturesWe skipped hatred. We skipped shameWe wrapped us in love. Years. 10 and a half passedShe died of strokeI die everyday from loneliness. Two kids by my side. An uneducated mess I am.A few thefts. And two stomachs to feedI cried. I lied. I am a warrior. I fight every night and they call me rogue. I skip lunch. I skip hugs. I skip love. I skip myselfI miss her. I miss her©dusky_dawn