Rusting keys clattering miles away I sit behind walls of this sombre room living an eternity of slavery to my past scratching the trembling floor with fingers smudged in charcoal painting a canvas of benevolent chaos my heart is worn out tracing the map of self acceptance, too long in search of the land I 've forsaken.
a million thoughts stirred into a delicacy : ▪︎handful of chopped emptiness, ▪︎two spoons of panic, ▪︎ four cups of condensed milk in self loathe, ▪︎ flavored with drips of caustic guilt,
my mouth gulps down the throat with utmost sincerity.
Trying to cage the air that drifts away from my lungs suffocating in the corrosive smoke of guilt so that I could breathe a life of self blame; d r o w n , swim ~ and s_u_r_v_i_v_e
a thousand times again.
So many eyeballs staring at me when I want to escape my own sight, away from the blinding city lights I run down the road all alone, gusting winds caress my hair blotched pain peel off my skin casting out in the sultry air where sorrow feels saline in the dwindling rays of sunset and I ask myself - "why I am breathing in present but living in past."
The eyes that have once seen real fade better and faster than any unreal, seek hint of falsehood even in striking real cause once real striked so bright that it made them blind to figure out it was never real. The ears that start hearing songs in hollow things, know those songs might make them deaf but still they try to hear even the slightest whisper just to know if they are able to hear yet or not. Words feel to be hollow with each sound made by failed falling letters. Emotions feel to be hollow with each sound made by failed falling words. Then those same eyes see an incomplete version of the complete picture that emotions painted among those scattered letters and words . I wonder how the lips curve down seeing each syllable trying hard and failing to fit itself to form that incomplete picture and how they curve a millimeter up seeing the same syllables fading away in front of open as well as closed eyes. There's this salt water river that originates from eyes and empties itself in the ocean of unsaid, unheard words in the form of waves that even the ears that were desperate for sound, deny to hear. Some things are out of the understanding of ‘understanding’ itself.
PS: I'm bad at maintaining the number 360 XD It's okay. You don't have to understand my every PS :)
Promise! Ah that's how the uncertain "thing" begun. Well, I called it love then. Maybe I was right that day and wrong now, but the truth is for the one who will judge. Right or Wrong is what you feel and not what's 'Just'. Doubts and questions are contrary, if you know you know, if you don't then you won't.
I ate an unicorn for my lunch. Quite disturbing right? Well if NOT, you're are totally a normal being. I don't know what is right/wrong, just/unjust. Something done can't be undone, it was a result of someones decision which was a choice from various options they had. Well, don't think much about the circumstances they had because you're really wanting justice which is(might be) so unjust to the doer. It ends if you leave it, but furthers because you won't.