wespadeshere

youtu.be/xhxGV3kQV6Y

~24~ Yes, we're open. The door's just a bit heavy.

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  • wespadeshere 19w

    Two grieving men
    Lay in the sand
    While waves of seafoam
    Crash onto the land
    One turns and asks
    "Can you hold me
    Till it's over?"
    The other replies
    "Forever."

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 31w

    Shame

    I wonder
    Where shame is
    In my wardrobe.
    Would I have noticed it
    If I had taken
    A closer look?
    Is it my favorite hoodie?
    I wonder where
    I've placed it,
    On the hangers, or
    Somewhere open,
    For all to see,
    Or tucked away
    Inside some drawers.
    Obscured from view,
    Particularly mine,
    To later put it on
    And ignore it for what it is.
    How many times,
    Did I want to donate it,
    Did I try to donate it,
    But kept it instead
    Of some other things
    I should've kept?
    Along with old socks
    And shirts and jeans,
    How many times
    Do I buy it at the store
    Thinking it was something new?

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 35w

    I've never written rap before and I don't feel like it's super good, but it was honest. And I tried. Inspired by some ppl I care about and written about how I've been feeling lately.
    -��

    I struggle
    Just a little bit
    And I feel like I'm taking these hits
    One by one
    They're all coming down on me.
    Stealing all my hoodies
    So I wear my uncertainty

    I guess
    I'm a mess, jk
    I'm feeling just fine, oh
    Oops, there we go
    Again
    One more time

    Where's the pause button, I
    Don't even know no more
    Damn my life, it's a pain
    Feeling's such a chore

    To be dealin with these voices
    That are all up in my head
    Tell me when it's best to eat
    Then go lay down in my bed.

    Where's the life that I knew
    Man, I haven't got a clue
    Don't recognize these photos
    But my mirror's black and blue

    So I wrote a little note
    To tell these voices in my head
    To see themselves right to the door
    Cuz they're leaving me for dead
    But I had a little mix up,
    Had me just a little goof up
    And I sent it to my homies
    Outside instead

    And I'm feeling all defaced
    I'm feeling just like a clown
    Like my blood's some kind of make-up
    Let it all run down

    Well they read it
    I regret it
    Yeah I wish i hadn't said it
    Time to light this bitch up
    And let it all burn down.

    ©wespadeshere

    #random #mentalhealth #rap

    @skypan

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    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 37w

    Where does it hurt? They ask
    Put some ice on it, They say.
    But if I do, I'll catch a cold.
    I'm frozen inside of me.

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 41w

    Don't wanna make food
    Cuz I'll dirty the dishes
    I'd honestly rather be
    Swimmin' with fishes
    Don't mind that my meals
    Be straight outta the can
    Cuz execu dysfunction
    Is all that I am.

    The forks in the washer
    Just stare at me, mockingly
    Cuz I ain't got spoons
    To wash myself off,
    Of these sins that be plaguin' me,
    Oh, I can't cover
    The mistakes that I made,
    Just to find who I was.

    And they're blamin' me,
    Brazin' me
    Always be hazin' me!
    Holding up portraits
    Of all of my used-to-be's!
    But I know bout my journey
    I do what I can,
    Tho execu dysfunction
    Is all that I am.

    I wish that the water
    Could wash it all down me,
    Deep down in the drain
    And into the ground, see
    Cuz my tears have to rush
    To conceal all my pain.
    Absorb it up, drain pipe,
    The next time it rains.

    And my granny says, lovingly
    That I look pretty
    When my hands are there cleaning
    And doused up in soap,
    But away from that sink
    I'm invisible waste, cuz
    Execu dysfunction
    Steals all of my hope.

    Metaphorical lullaby
    A statistic, no alibi,
    Doing my best and
    I'm buying my time,
    But no matter the schedules
    The notes that I cram,
    Execu dysfunction just
    Fucks with my plan.

    These pillows that should have
    The feathers to fly me
    Right outta this window
    Turn to pebbles and lead,
    So no choice but to lie here
    In the dark square, just cry here
    Light a match to old memories,
    And set fire to this bed.

    But the posts of this rest spot
    Just look like an altar
    And like my beliefs,
    With my weight, they will falter,
    And I no longer count sheep
    Just sacrificial lambs.
    Cuz execu dysfunction
    Is all that I am.

    ©wespadeshere
    -��

    #executivedysfunction #depression #anxiety #sliceoflife #life #journey #tryingmybest

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    Executive Dysfunction

    And I no longer count sheep,
    Just sacrificial lambs.

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 41w

    Red is my color.
    Because it suits me,
    Not because I like it.

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 42w

    Behold my mosaic
    The sweat that peeks
    Between my lashes
    Forging my path
    As clean as my tears.
    The ache is a prison
    I'm liquid in a vase
    Without escape
    I now take shape.
    Reduced to a digit
    A muted para-hue,
    Metastasized by sunlight
    And drowning in the shade.

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 45w

    Tonight I'm laying in my bed
    Sewing myself back together.
    I'll count the stars right up above
    On the black ceiling over my head
    The bed feels hard, and then it feels soft
    Before I close my eyes to rest.

    ©wespadeshere

  • wespadeshere 53w

    Abuse has made
    My right choices hurt,
    So much that it mimicks
    The pain of mistakes.
    And sometimes,
    I can't tell them apart anymore,
    When that vase shatters
    Against the floor,
    The echo on linoleum
    Chases in my dreams
    And whites of her eyes
    From her silent screams,
    Stare dead in my soul
    Seeing scattered remains
    But the flowers
    Always laying, forgotten.

    ©spadesunderground

    #childhood #pain #choices #mistakes #flowers #vase #shattered #imagery #survivor
    -��

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    Seeing scattered remains
    But the flowers
    Always laying, forgotten.

    ©spadesunderground

  • wespadeshere 58w

    Why did we wander
    Alone those nights,
    Tracing our prints
    On the ivy walls.
    Fearing the faces
    We'd see in the fog
    If we peered too close,
    When we were the ghosts?

    ©spadesunderground
    -��

    #DID #memories #dissociation #phantoms #fog #imagery #past #afraid #anxiety #numbness

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    If We Were the Ghosts

    ©spadesunderground