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  • udit94 15w

    Kahanikaar ki kahani kabhi khatam nhi hoti.

    Kahanikaar har baar ek nayi kahani lekar aapke saamne pesh hota rahega.

    Ya pesh honge naye kahanikaar wahi purani kahaniyan lekar.

    Kahaniyaan jo aapko wahi duniya dikhayegi jo aap barso se dekhte aaye hai par shayad waise nhi jaise ek kahanikaar ne dekhi hogi.

    Wahi galiyan jisse na jaane kitni baar aap guzre honge par kabhi dekha nahi hoga usi gali ke aangan me wo amrood ka ped �� jise todne ka ek alag hi maza hai.

    Usi ghar me kitne hi barso se aap rah rahe honge par kabhi dekhe nhi honge ghar ki duchhati me chhipe wo khilone jo bade hokar dobara khelne ke liye kahanikaar ne bachaye honge.��

    Kahani kaar ke bachpan ne jin yaadon ko sanjo ke rakha tha aaj wo ek daftar jaane wale insaan ne gali ke baccho ko tohfe me de di.
    Wo door khada kahanikaar ka bachpan thoda chidha to hoga.
    Arre bhyi aakhir khilone uske jo the.
    Lekin aakhir me nanhi si muskuruhat ne gussa chhoo mantar kar diya.

    Shayad bachpan ab dobara laut ke nahi aayega. Aur na aayenge wo dost jinhone kabhi waada kiya tha ki bade hone par ek bada sa mickey mouse wala jhoola banwayenge.
    Wahi jo shaadi me milta tha..
    Bachpan me sapne bade hote hai. Aur jab bade hote hai to lagta hai wo sapne bachpana the.
    Kaun apni 9-5 tak ki Naukri ki kamai ko ek baccho ke khilone pe zaaya karega.
    Aur agar koi ek aad pagal aisa kar bhi de to baaki samajhdaar log use salah dene zarur aayenge.


    Papa ne kahanikaar ke bachpan se jo waade kiye the, wo waade nadaan bachpan sach samjh baitha tha.
    Shayad Papa cycle dilwa hi denge. ��
    Par us samay fizoolkharchi ke liye na to Papa ke paas paise the aur na Bachpan ko cycle leke kisi competition me bhaag lena tha.

    Bachpan to shayad wahi khatam ho chuka tha.
    Ya abhi bhi ek aas baaki hai.
    Jab aaj bhi kisi bacche ki cycle par chadhi panni ki awaaz sunai deti hai jo khar-khar karti hui gali se guzarti hai, bachapn door khada muskurata rehta hai.


    Kahanikaar ki kahani me har baar ek naya kirdaar hota hai ya ek hi kirdaar alag alag roop me har nayi kahani me dikhai deta hai.
    Aur wo kirdaar hota hai bachpan.
    Bachpan ki har ek kahani ya kahiye ki har ek kahani me bachpan ka zikra aapko kahin na kahin zarur mil jayega.
    Par bade hone par kuchh jhooth ka aavran logo se dhakna seekha aur kuchh samay ki dhool ne bachpan ko niche daba diya.
    Aaj bhi wo bachpan zinda hai.
    Chhipa hai kahin na kahin.
    Jo andar hi andar ladta hai cycle ke liye,
    Un khilono ke liye jo na chahte hue bhi kahanikaar ne pados ke baccho ko de diye.

    To jab tak ye bachpan andar hi andar ladta rahega tab tak kahaniyon ki syahi kore panne par bikharti rahegi.
    Bikhrenge khoob saare rang aur kuchh sapne bhi.


    To janab,
    Naye sapne
    Nayi kahaniyan
    Naye kirdaar
    Par wahi purana KAHANIKAAR
    Aapke saamne haazir hota rahega.
    Tab tak ke liye aap apne andar chhipe bachpan se puchho,
    Bachpan ke pass kahanikaar se zyada kahaniyan milengi.
    :-)

    ©udit94

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    CHALI KAHANI

    .

  • udit94 28w

    "Are you asking me out on a date?"
    Melancholy teased happiness by asking the obvious.

    "No, I mean, if you want then you can come and join me, sip a cup of coffee from our respective cups and pay our respective bills and go home" he covered it up replying casually.

    "You talk too much..
    And
    I am coming anyway.."

    Both of them turned in opposite directions and smiled, turned again to look at each other trying to hide their smiles.

    *8 pm*
    Happiness came wearing a tuxedo with a bouquet in his hands, rang the bell of her home and moved two stairs backward.
    She opened the door and laughed as soon as she checked him out from top to bottom.
    "Sorry, sir, but I specifically ordered
    a DATE not a GROOM"

    "No! No! No! No!
    Don't say that.....
    This is what we wear on the first date.
    Right?
    I swear I'm gonna kill Hope for suggesting me the tuxedo..
    I was telling him it'll be too much.."
    he said embarrassingly.

    "Your friend Hope is a bit more optimistic for the first date I guess" she said mockingly.

    "Ok, now I can't stand here with this tuxedo on.
    We must go" he said looking here and there to avoid any neighbor.

    "I'll come if you bow down like a gentleman and ask me nicely." she tried adding a spice to the situation.

    He played along,
    "This head bows for no one!"
    he said in a deep voice pretending to be a movie actor.

    "Oooohhh so the man knows his boundaries but doesn't know his fly's open!!"

    He quickly looked at his pants,
    "It's perfectly fine!!"

    "Yes it is perfectly fine but thanks for bowing down before me"
    Her smile showed her victory.

    (They enjoyed their dinner although happiness was a bit tensed as he was the only one in tuxedo there.)

    *After the date*

    He vanished all of a sudden.
    She doubted his sudden absence and said to herself.
    "I can be a writer for -
    100 WAYS TO SHOO A GUY AWAY ON HIS FIRST DATE"
    She was about to head home on her own that's when she saw him come running with a chocolate in his hand.
    Melancholy was already smiling.

    Wheezing and sighing, happiness gave her the chocolate and said,
    "Sorry I was...
    (taking deep breaths)
    buying chocolate...
    (deep breaths again)...
    that's why I vanished..."
    She was staring at him but didn't pay attention to what he was saying.
    While he was busy explaining his sudden absence, she was totally lost in him.
    Suddenly she shushed his mouth with her palm and kissed him on his cheeks,
    "You talk too much..."
    she whispered in his ears.
    He was stunned and couldn't utter a word.

    "If I knew, this is gonna make your chattering stop,
    I would've done that earlier..."
    she kept looking at his red shy face.

    "Do I talk that much!!
    I have never heard anyone complaining that about me" he tried to state he isn't a chatter box.

    "Yeah and I've never seen a man in a tuxedo running towards me with a chocolate in his hand.
    Let's call it even."

    (Conversation fading in distance...
    "You tease everyone like that
    Or is this just with me?"........)

  • udit94 29w

    __________ME AND MY SUPERPOWERS_________

    It is about the time when recharging your phone isn’t as easier as it is now. Paytm and Phonepe all have made it so easy that it kinda make me feel jealous but the lazy side of me is happy as hell.

    Baat us samay ki hai jab recharge karane ke liye recharge wale uncle ki dukaan pe jaake 10 ya 20 rupay ka coupon lekar aate the.
    You remember every colony has that RECHARGE WALE UNCLE ki shop. Bringing those coupons home and scratching it using a 1-rupee coin. Lagta tha aaj shayad usme code nhi likha mile. Aaj to shayad cycle ya cricket bat mil jaye ��.
    Code ki muh-dikhai hone ke baad use jaldi-jaldi USSD me type karna padta tha. And if you don’t succeed in one go, we would have to type the code from starting. The struggle only Millennials know very well.
    I loved typing that code in one go. It used to be my new game as soon as it arrived in the market. Shayad isi wajah se mujhe meri superpower ke baare me pata chala.

    I used to memorize even long numbers very quickly. Itna shauk tha ki coupon ko scratch karne se pehle hi USSD code type karke rakhta tha. Fir saamne se computer wali aunty bolti thi,
    “Apna 16 anko ka recharge coupon darj kijiye”
    then I used to type that code with the speed of bullet.
    Fir saamne se jab aunty dobara bolti thi,
    “Aapka recharge safalta purvak kiya jaa chuka.. Aapki bakaya raashi hai 7 rupay aur 95 paise” wo sunne ka jo anand hota tha shayad hi kisi aur cheez se milta. ��

    Saamne wali Satya Aunty, right side ke pados wali Pooja ma’am aur left side ke pados wale Ranbir Uncle ka recharge to har baar mere haathon se hi hota tha. Mammi-Papa to kehte the, “Aisa kar dukaan wale uncle ke pass hi job karle.” Jabki wo recharge wale uncle khud ek baar me sahi se wo 16 digits daal hi nhi paate the.��
    Itna talented hone ke baad bhi kabhi ghamand nhi kiya paaji.

    Numbers yaad rakhna is not always beneficial.
    Kisi mahan insaan ne sahi kaha hai,
    “With great power comes great INCONVENIENCE”
    ��

    Ab number yaad karne ki aseem shaktiyon ki wajah se saare padosi mujhe hi bhejte the dukaan pe.
    (Har colony me ek ladka hota hai na jise saare Pados wale kaam karwane ke liye dukaan pe bhejte hai..
    Wo main hi hu....
    Aur baad me kuchh inaam dete hai ki ye le toffee le liyo, haan aise padosi nhi hai hamare.. Sab chindi chor hai).

    They were like,
    “Ja Udit ye le 50 ka recharge karwa de..
    Aur
    Number to tujhe yaad hi hai ... Hehehehe”

    Sabka recharge karawana bada boring task ho gaya tha.
    Ab isko interesting kaise banaya jaye? ��
    Kabhi-Kabhi coupon na hone ki wajah se hame phone number likhwana padta tha.
    Uncle ke pass ek register �� hua karta tha jispe bina coupon wale customers ke number likhte the..
    To jab bhi recharge wale register khulne ka number aata tab pata nhi kaunsa keeda mujhe kaat raha tha ki main har roz 1-2 number yaad karke aata tha.
    Jaise teacher ne homework diya ho.
    12 mahine me 25 phone number yaad kar liye the.
    Aur unhe bhool na jau isliye baar baar repeat bhi karta rehta tha.

    Ek din recharge ki samaj seva se ghar lauta to dekha Khadus wali Shashi aunty ghar me baithi hai.
    Sabki colony me ek khadus aunty hoti hai na jinke ghar me ball chali jaye to wapis nhi karti.
    Usse 10 guna khatarnak hai Shashi aunty.
    Unke ghar me ball chali jaye to wo rakhti nhi thi..
    Chakku garam karke hamare saamne hi ball kaat deti thi..
    Ham bacche 1-1 rupay karke ball ke liye paise collect karte the.
    Aur ye aunty aisi kayi balls ka genocide karti thi.
    To aunty ke wahan hone par main bola,
    “Kya hua aunty..
    Aaj kya galti kardi..”��
    Aage kuchh bolta usse pehle mammi ki aankhon se smjh gya ki chup ho jana chahiye.��
    Aunty boli,
    “Ohoohohohoo..
    Aapka beta to acting bhi badi achhi kar leta hai.
    Ab kahega isko kuchh pta nhi..”��

    “Kya pata nhi aunty???”��

    Mom said,
    “Udit sach bata tune kiya hai?!”
    Aunty,
    “Arre ab to jabaan ko lakwa maar jayega iski..
    Phone number to chabad-chabad karke suna deta hai”

    Me,
    “Arre hua kya hai koi batayega!!!”��

    Aunty held me from the collar and took me outside (pura pados dekh raha tha waise),
    “Ye kisne likha”

    ��������

    Aap sab agar aisi locality me rahe ho jahan bijli ke khambe (pillars) ho.
    To shayad aapko yaad hona chahiye ki khambe par ek hi type ka number likha hota hai
    SAFETY TANK
    Wahan kisi ne aunty ka phone number likh diya tha... ��
    (Mast banda tha jisne bhi likha)
    Aur sirf ek khambe par nhi
    Puri gali ke khambo par..
    Mujhe andar hi andar to badi hasi aa rhi thi jab aunty boli,
    “Pichhle ek hafte se 12 phone aa chuke ki tank khali karwana hai... Tank khali karwana hai..
    Bata iske alawa kahan-kahan likha hai?”
    Investigation puri karne par pata chala ki sirf 1 gali me nahi balki us MF HUSSAIN ne 3 galiyon tak aunty ka number likha hua tha.

    Katgarah me mera khada hona laazmi tha.
    Ab gali ke sab logo ka number yaad karne wala ladka kaun?
    Main?
    To shak kispe gaya?
    Of course mere pe?
    Saza bhi kisko mili?
    Sunny deol ko ❗
    Arre merko hi milegi na....��
    To saza ke roop me mujhe ek black paint ka dabba aur ek brush thama diya gaya aur kaha,
    “Jaa Picasso ki chathi aulaad,ab saare saboot mita....
    Ye khamba hi hai tera canvas…”����‍��
    Meri superpower se mujhe prize me kya-kya mil raha hai iski agar list banana baithe to shayad 2021 khatam ho jaygea.
    Paint ka dabba utha ke chal hi pada tha ki yaad aaya..
    1 ya 1½ mahine pehle Golu aaya tha aur aunty ka recharge karana hai bolke merse number leke gaya tha ��.
    Main garajta hua Golu ke ghar ke bahar gaya aur chillaya
    “Golu bahar nikal.” ��
    Golu to pehle hi baniyan, shorts aur brush leke tayyar tha...
    Lagta hai Doctor Strange ki tarah usne pehle hi saari possibilities dekh li thi.
    Us din hamne 25 khambo aur do shaklo pe black paint kiya..����
    Wapis aaye to apne hi maa-baap nhi pehchan rahe the...
    Wo to jab mitti ke tel se dono ke muh dhule tab mammi ko pta chala ki galat bachha utha laaye.
    Golu ghar jaa hi raha tha ki maine use roka aur confirm karne ke liye puchha,
    “Oye Golu..
    Aur to kahin nhi likha tha na number!
    Sach boliyo”��

    Golu smiled and didn’t look back.��

    *2 DAYS LATER*
    9:30 pm
    “ARRE NHI HOTA YAHAN बवासीर KA ILAAJ ❗❗”

    ©udit94

    #ucomic #funny #nostalgia #memories

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  • udit94 35w

    _________________�������� ��������_________________
    _____________(�������� �� �������������� ������)______________
    ___________________�������� ��____________________

    Sometimes I feel like humans aaj bhi cave men jaise hai..
    Sabhyata (yaani ki civilization) ka to naamo nishaan mit jaata hai jab you see them arguing or fighting in public.
    Take an example of simple road rage.
    You might have come across one in your daily life.
    Just go out on a random sunny day at 8 am in the morning and I'm sure koi na koi zarur mil jayega saying,

    "Abe andha hai kya...***** "

    (Some censored words which are not good for my audience)
    The stage is set, the performers have practiced all their life for this day.
    They were just looking for this opportunity.
    This stud, massive, hunky guy came out from a Tata Nano and took out his base Bat and said,
    "Kuchh kah rahe the aap janab"
    (See etiquettes.. must be from convent school)
    Now the other person has already seen hospital bed in his imagination and he's too late to take back his words as the adrenaline has already been pumped into his skinny body.
    Just going with the flow he punched as hard as he could.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    His tiny hands just massaged the massive guy's cheeks.
    The massive guy gave him a death stare that changed the hospital bed into death bed.
    He has already closed his eyes and read Hanuman Chalisa 4 times in his mind.
    (There's an unwritten rule during a road rage - the rest of the traffic has to do cheerleading.)
    They're like,
    "Big show
    Big show
    Big show"
    He could hear the silent cheers and hoots for him.
    So, he picked the skinny guy up in the air, perfect position for a choke slam and bam �� slammed him on his car.
    Rey Mysterio has already given up.
    Big show picked him up and threw him on the footpath.
    (To know how the fight actually looked like go to the link in the bio.. and to know how the skinny guy looked like after fight, skip to 6:30)

    When such incidents happen there's always some idiot who would take out his phone and starts recording a video.
    Such a moron he is.
    I am different see.
    He is filming
    I'm just narrating.
    Farak ye hai ki wo Harry potter Movie ka fan hai aur main Harry Potter Novel ka.

    Magar dekho mera funda clear hai.
    I am a guy who loves his life.
    Meri to caller tune bhi "Love you Zindagi hai".
    Upar se ghar ka iklauta ladka.
    Apun ko apni jaan pyari hai boss.
    And aisa nhi hai maine koshish nhi ki.
    I did the most difficult task which every other guy was doing - IMAGINATION.
    I imagined myself going in between the wrestle-mania and saying to both the guys who are already taller than me,
    "Bhaiya ladna achhi baat nhi hoti.."
    And just before I could complete my sentence, I envisioned myself sticking like a chewing gum under the massive guy's shoes.

    People love watching fights (especially in Delhi)
    No doubt these are the same people who also love watching Bigg Boss.
    But unlike Bigg Boss, here participants are not getting paid for fighting. ��
    Haan kharcha zarur ho raha hai for sure.
    So whenever I go out, I make sure I've tallied my list of essentials during a road rage.
    Popcorn �� check ✅
    Phone �� check ✅
    Diapers �� check ✅
    (Just in case things get a bit rough)

    I can't jump in the middle of the fight,
    Can't move as the traffic is stuck and every other guy would get an excuse to reach late in the office,
    Can't go back otherwise there would be two road rages happening simultaneously and the previous participants be like,
    "You stole my thunder"
    So, I do what I can do best
    .
    .
    .
    "Big show
    Big show
    Big show"

    ©udit94

    #ucomic #justaregularday #mirakee #writersnetwork

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  • udit94 43w

    आंदोलनकारी, कर्मचारी,
    प्रदर्शनकारियों की मैं favourite हूं।
    चलती CNG पर हूं बाकी
    थोड़ी सी मैं hypocrite हूं।

    प्रदूषण फैलाने को मना करती हूं
    पर धू-धू करके धुआं उगलती हूं।
    संसद के सभी बिलों से
    ना जाने मैं क्यों "जलती" हूं?

    आम दिनों में सवारी और lockdown में महामारी साथ लेकर मैं चलती हूं।
    इसी कारण से शायद मैं
    देश की जनता को खलती हूं।

    देश के सभी बड़े फैसलों का रुख
    हर बार मैं ही बदलती हूं।
    लोकतंत्र की फटी चादर को
    मैं ही हर बार सिलती हूं।

    गिरती हूं, पड़ती हूं,
    ज़ोर-ज़ोर से हिलती हूं।
    दंगल की ओमकार जैसी,
    हर विरोध में मैं ही पिलती हूं।

    Famous तो बहुत हूं मैं,
    आए दिन news में मिलती हूं।
    सरकारी कानों तक पहुंचने का ज़रिया हूं,
    जनता की असहमती लेकर चलती हूं।

    जनता की carrier और
    सरकार के barrier का काम करती हूं।
    मैं परिवहन की रानी DTC,
    ना जाने क्यों संसद के बिलों से जलती हूं।
    ना जाने क्यों संसद के बिलों से जलती हूं।

    ©udit94

    Coins these days are weirdly biased and now they come with multiple sides.
    One side of a coin is depicted here which is hardly seen by any person.
    Melancholic DTC buses are trying to show their grief with the help of a pinch of sarcasm and irony.

    P.S. - DTC buses be like,
    "मारो हमको मारो
    हमको ज़िंदा मत छोड़ो .....
    हम कोई मंदिर का घंटा है जो कोई भी आके बजा जाता है।"

    #hindi #irony #sarcasm

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  • udit94 45w

    _______�������������� ��������������________ ________________��������������________________
    ___________JUST A REGULAR DAY______________
    __________________(PART 8)_____________________

    Middle class family ke kayi kisse sune honge.
    But do you know ek middle class family ki sabse famous cheez kya hai.
    Taane.
    Haan mammi ke, papa ke, mausi ke, mama ke Taane.
    Taane ki frequency ye batati hai ki aap kitne middle class ho..
    Taane achhe bure ho ya na ho.
    Par epic zarur hote hai.

    "Hamara 149 ka recharge mat kar diyo Ambani ke damad, itne ki hame zarurat hi nhi hai.
    Chup chap 49 ka karde
    Hamme kaunsa Modiji ko call lagani hai..
    Paise udane ki zarurat nhi hai.."

    �������� ���������� ������ �������� �������������� ������������ -

    Recharge karaya chhota aur inki baaton ka quota hai bada.
    Ab is unlimited call ke zamane me bhi jab mammi papa miss call maarke hame ateet ki mithi yaadon se jode rakhne ka jo kaam karte hai uska varnan shabdon me nhi kiya jaa skta.
    Tab pujniya maata pita apne baccho ko indirectly taane dete hue kehte hai,
    ����‍�� : Arre kaaye ka recharge mausiji. Aaj kal ke bacche bas apna-apna recharge kar lete hai. Hamara to kya hi recharge karwayenge.
    ��

    ������ ������������ ���� ������������ -
    "Arre pagal hai kya naya phone mujhe de raha hai.
    Delhi ki bus me travel karna matlab sher ke muh me haath daalna.
    Apna purana phone hame dede.
    Mujhe kaunsa kisi ko dikhana hai."
    *Few moments later*
    �� : Video call ka option Chachaji‼️
    Ye aaj kal ke bacche khud to naya phone le lete hai aur maa baap ko purana thama dete hai."
    ��

    �������� �������� �������������� -

    Aur in sabke beech Daadi ji ka radio alag hi frequency pakad leta hai.
    Unhe chahe kuchh sunai de ya na de par pata nhi kudrat ki kaunsi aseem shaktiyon ke karan unhe ye sab baatein sunai deti hai,
    ��: Beta ek aisa phone to mere pass bhi hua karta tha.. Uspe tere dada se roz baat karti thi.. Par मरी बाढ़ aayi aur phone bhi le gyi..." ����

    �������� �������� �������������� ���� ������������ -

    ���� : Mammmiiiiiiii...
    Ye router ke antenna thakur ji ke kapde sukhane ke liye nhi hote.. ����

    ����‍�� : Achha beta faltu ka kharcha tum karo aur sunao bhi hame hi..
    Jab 2 antenna wala router tha to 4 antenna wale ki kya zarurat thi..

    ����: Mammi isme dual bandwidth hoti hai.. 2.4 Ghz aur 5 Ghz..
    (Interrupted)
    ����‍��: Bas bas..
    Hame gyan mat sikha..
    Ab 2 antenna faltu the to sukha diye kapde..
    Kuchh kaam to aaye...
    ��

    Jolly LLB 2 me wo jo Satish Sir kehte hai na 3.5 crore cases aaj bhi court me pending hai. Aapko pata hai wo pending kyu hai?
    Kyunki aadhe se zyada case Middle Class families ke hai.
    Unke cases sunke khud judge resignation dekar bhag jaate hai to main kis khet ki mooli hu...

    ���� : Papaaaaaaaa..
    Yaar kapde pure pehno.
    Ek to pata nhi sardi me nicker me kaise ghoom lete hai..
    Meri school friend aayegi..

    �� : Aise hi tere Dada ji bina shirt ke khade ho gye the....

    �� : Mammi aap thodi der shaant raho.. ��
    ����‍�� : �� Kab aayegi.. Ab use khilayega kaun... Tere Papa ke pass pehnne ko dusri baniyan tak nhi hai aur yahan Sudama ji ne Krishna ji ko invite kiya hai lunch pe..
    ���� : (murmuring) Krishna nhi Radha

    ©udit94

    Pic credit : To the rightful owner

    #ucomic #justaregularday #parivar #kisse #mirakee #funny #anecdotes

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  • udit94 48w

    "Oops my bad
    I'm melancholy
    And you?" she asked

    "I'm happiness! "

    *Loud music*
    "I'm leaving" she said.

    He gestured that he can't hear her.
    She gestured back to walk out.

    *After walking a mile or so, she broke the silence*

    "Thank god we walked out else I would have lost my hearing power..
    By the way,
    Any reason for leaving such a GREAT party?
    You came to help me reach my apartment?"

    "To accompany such a wonderful lady of course.
    I guess people don't help each other like I'm doing..
    Do they?
    I think
    They just do what pleases them the most..
    Do you think someone would do even a single thing to make anyone happy?"

    "Some people do care for others Mr. Happiness.
    Like I, for instance,
    I came two blocks ahead of my apartment and yet I am still walking with you "
    (And she smiled)

    "Hey you should have told me....
    And about the not helping others part, I mean to say everyone isn't the same."
    (he smiled nervously)

    "Are you sure about your name though?
    Happiness is it!!??
    I can't actually feel that." she teased him a little.

    "Haven't you noticed yourself for the past half an hour?
    Your smile!!
    Do you usually carry this smile around on your face.. "

    "Oooooo"

    "Ooooooooo(mocking her)... Happiness (pointing towards himself)
    What's so melancholic about you anyway? You're such a cheerful lady to be with.."

    "Have YOU noticed yourself? You've been sulking around me like a 3 year old girl.."

    "oooooo"

    "Exactly, oooooooooooo.
    Enlightenment..
    Isn't it?
    By the way, a totally unrelated question - how many of those smiles you keep for yourself?

    *Silence*

    Life is not a giveaway meal
    *He tries to avoid eye contact*
    And tell me why would a guy like you came to a bar?"

    "What do you mean a guy like me?"

    "Do I need to explain it to you Mr. Orange juice?!"

    "Ahh! I smell sarcasm....
    Ok
    I was going to a club at first then Ed Sheeran stopped me and said
    Club isn't the best place to find love
    So the bar is where I go.

    "Oh god, do it again and you'll walk home alone..."

    "Oooooo" he suddenly exclaimed.

    "Now what?" She asked.

    "Now I understand why we came two blocks ahead..
    Maybe you don't want me to know where your apartment is that's why we came two blocks ahead.."


    "Where did this come from??
    Ok
    I'm not gonna argue with this logic.
    Yeah..
    yeah that's what it is..
    Who can argue with that..!!
    Ok, so I'm going..
    Don't look back ok!?
    I will walk myself to my apartment..."

    "Ok, bye have a good night.. hope to meet you soon.."

    "God! Are you insane..?? (furiously)
    Did you just leave a drunk girl in the middle of the road and told her to walk home on her own??
    You've got some serious problem.
    Go see a psychiatrist..

    *A pause*
    after dropping me off at home.."
    (Both of them smiled)

    "So it's settled, I'm dropping you off at home."

    "No, my lawyer will come to you and ask you legally to drop me..."

    ( :
    " .."

    " ...)

  • udit94 52w

    There comes a time in life when you can't think of any solution to the problems life has been throwing upon you.
    You can't stand against all odds no matter how much you try.
    The time when grief encircles you from all directions and you don't know the escape route.
    For me, I faced this time recently.
    I've tried enough but even penning down my thoughts was difficult.
    The past few month was just like a roller coaster ride but this coaster was just going down.
    This phase came in my life when a pados wala baccha called me UNCLE. ����‍��

    You do realize how devastating this is.
    I mean UNCLE.
    How can someone with real eyes call this nanhi si jaan UNCLE.
    It hit me so hard that I went into hibernation.
    Do I look that old?
    Come on.
    Matlab ekdum se waqt badal diya, Jazbaat badal diye, zindagi badal di yaar.
    This was the time when God be like,
    "Ye aapke saath prank hua hai...
    Wahan upar dekhiye upar..
    Hamara camera laga hua hai..(pointing towards Naaradh ji)...
    Aap bhi ageing process ka shikaar hue hai.."

    I cannot sleep at nights.
    Whenever I close my eyes, that kid's voice echoes in my skull saying,
    UNCLE... Uncle... uncle....
    Words travel farther in winters.
    And if words are harsh enough, they just penetrate deep into your soul.
    And now when any kid calls any UNCLE as Uncle, I can't help but shiver in fear.

    You know what,
    Imagination is like seedhi of 21 in Snakes and ladders that takes you to cloud nine in random roll of a die in flick of a second but reality bites you like the Snake of 99 which pulls you down and tells you ki
    "Beta ab tere jawani ke din gaye.."

    This is the time when I realized that life is not like DEAR ZINDAGI where Alia Bhatt says,
    "Love you Zindagi, Love me Zindagi" and life starts loving you back just like that.
    But life is actually like what Rajesh Khanna tried to explain,
    "Zindagi ke safar me guzar jaate hai jo makaam,
    Wo fir nhi aate..
    Wo fir nhi aate..."
    And then Amir Khan added fuel to the fire ��,
    "Zindagi maut na ban jaye..
    Sambhalo yaaro..."
    [One thing is for sure,
    Koi ise uncle kahe na kahe
    Par iske song references sacchai bayaan kar rahe hai...]
    {Yaar ye itna dramebaaz hai..
    Uncle hi to bola hai...}
    (Kuchh kuchh hota hai bracket ke logo,
    Tum nhi samjhoge..)

    Now my mom teases me by saying,
    "Uncle ji ko pranam"
    And my sister contributes to the leg pulling ceremony by adding the background sounds,
    "Deggi Deggi Deggi Deggi
    Deggi Mirch..
    MDH ki Deggi mirch..����
    *Deggi Mirch ka tadka..
    Ang-ang phadka.."

    P.S. - If at the starting of this post, you were thinking it as some serious post then,
    "Ye aapke saath prank hua hai..
    Udhar dekhiye camera.."
    (Pointing towards your front camera)...
    And Gerascophobia actually arises from fear of being left alone in your old age and I don't think that's gonna happen so I'm gonna give this a fancy name - The UNCLOphobia ����‍��

    ©udit94
    #anecdotes #ucomic #unclophobia

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  • udit94 65w

    "You're blushing"

    "No I'm not" and I smiled and blushed even more.

    "See now you're even more red" ��

    _______________CASTLES IN THE AIR_____________
    _________________(Khayali pulao)________________

    What kinda guy were you in college?
    Massive hunky guy having a decent sports bike whose backseat is so high ki aap uspe se kood ke marr bhi skte ho.
    This bike is made for couples only I guess.
    Ever seen a guy sitting on that THRONE?
    Obviously he won't bend and lean on the other guy who's driving.
    He sits straight and I'm telling you it doesn't look nice at all.
    Because I once sat on such bike and I had to sit being so कुबड़ा that in the next Ramayana I would get the role of Manthra for sure.
    For 3 days I was just like that guy,
    "Aur ab main aasmaam ki uchhaiyon me"

    Or

    were you a guy like me.
    Believe me there's no in between.
    Either you get noticed or you don't.

    I was, of course, the latter.
    And she, She's like the centre of attraction for everyone.

    I analyzed the bunch of guys she used to hang out with.
    Noticed a few things which were the reasons why no girl used to notice me in college days - Second is my clothes ❗
    (Well of course first is me myself...
    Girls do faint looking at me but for a totally different reason).
    I noticed all the guys she used to hang out with.
    ✴️ Almost all of them had branded clothes.
    While what I used to wear in college was a pair of jeans for almost 2 years and used to change T-shirts which mom used to buy from that vendor who comes outside home yelling "150 ki 2, 150 ki 2, 150 ki 2".

    ✴️They must go to some barber shop...
    Oops! Pardon me, they must go to some SALON which I couldn't even afford then.
    And
    I went to ghar ke pass wali 'Nai ki dukaan' taaki agar 1 inch bhi baal bade dikhe to mom would grab my hand and storm into the same 'Nai ki dukaan' , grab my hairs and shout at him,
    "Ye kya baal kaate hai..
    Abhi bhi haath me aa rhe hai".
    (Mom's measuring unit for hairs is - If hairs can't be held in hand then only it's a proper haircut and good value for money too).
    To cover it up I would try to save Nai Uncle,
    "Mammi maine hi kaha tha aise kaatne ko"
    Mom would reply in her sarcastic tone,
    "Oooo hoo hoo hohooo,
    Itna bada ho gya tu?
    Ab aap hairstylist ban hi gye hain to
    Is Golu ke liye bhi hairstyle bata dijiye."
    (Pointing towards Golu who has just come for his haircut)
    Golu being excited , "Haan bhaiya batao na batao na"
    Mom, "Baith ja chup chap..
    Warna ganja karke bhijwaungi"
    *The scissors stopped suddenly.
    Sound of crickets and twinkling of eyes in the background*
    Golu didn't utter a word �� because he knew long before Bollywood and Tollywood made Rowdy Rathore, My mother was the first Rowdy in our locality.

    ✴️They were gym freaks because such a muscular ripped body is only built in gyms.
    While I,
    I am a biotic fossil (if I may) among the other living creatures who happens to have all biological systems in working condition.

    It's about the day when
    All days were like normal college days and I was still inconspicuous and being ignored by many people even after appearing every now and then on stage for reciting poems.
    But then one day in our computer class destiny planned something different.
    The computer class was unusual that day.
    Ma'am wrote a question on board and asked us to type a formula for the solution in mathematica (a mathematical software)
    I wasn't that bad but maybe I was getting too distracted or what but I couldn't even type the formula correctly to get the solution.
    I said, "The result isn't showing.
    Could you please take a look at it?"
    Ma'am was being lazy to stand up from her seat and come to my desk and explain.
    So, she told HER to solve my problem.
    She came to my desk to see what's the problem, pushed me a little left and leaned into my laptop and started messing with the parenthesis and semi colon and there I was sitting numb.
    I'm crazy I don't know why but I smelled her hair and it smells like something which I have never smelled before.
    And when she was done she suddenly pointed out,
    "You are blushing!!"
    And I was startled saying,
    "What!!! ��
    Me????
    Nooooo!"

    (Ab I can't tell her na that in my brain I'm already in the zone ki
    Agar Ladka hua to Harman
    Aur ladki hui to Hartika)

    *I know I'm pathetic but I'm actually like Uday Chopra of Dhoom*

    "Oh god you're blushing even more..
    You're a creep"

    And she left me hanging there wondering if there was a spark or something.
    Years later, I realized when Ed Sheeran exclaimed to the world
    "HOW PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
    MAYBE JUST THE TOUCH OF A HAND" ,
    he was actually talking about me. ��

    There's a law of blushing if you too have observed that -
    ������ �������� ���� ���������������� ������������������ ���������������������������� �������� �������������� ������������ ���� ������.
    �������� �������� ���� ���������������������� �������� ������ ������������ ������ �������������� ������ ���� ���������������� ��������������/�������������� ������ ������������ ������������ �������� ����������������..

    ©udit94

    #ucomic #sundaytales #blush

    P.C. - To the rightful owner

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  • udit94 67w

    Posting just because I couldn't complete some stories

    Part 1

    #ustory

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    I met her in a bar for the first time.
    The bartender was juggling around with all his cups and wine.
    I took a seat just at a perfect place and a safe distance from the bartender because that night I wasn't planning on getting a dent on my skull.
    Enjoying my Orange Juice and acting like I'm high and saying hello to all strangers because I thought that's what drunk people do.
    And there I saw her sitting in the corner,
    Eyes half-open as if she's gonna doze off any second.
    Surrounded by many other guys and girls as they found something attractive about her.
    I am not a type of guy who knows about getting along with some stranger so easily while she seems to blend in with everyone who is around.
    Or maybe it's just the alcohol.
    Orange Juice doesn't have that power.
    So, my friend called me to join (I wish he wouldn't have) and I can't embarrass him in front of everyone by mouthing "I'm good here" and after all eyes are already staring at me.

    He introduced me to her and she was the first who gave her hand for a handshake.
    I was shy at first but suddenly I forgot who I was when she shook my hand.
    There was a weird aura around her which wasn't visible from my spot.
    I don't know why but after that handshake it was like only the two of us are in the bar and suddenly the lights were getting dimmer.
    And
    That's when she whispered in my ear as the music was loud,
    "I guess you're lost."

    "Sorry I didn't get you?"

    "Why would you!?" She smirked,
    "What's with this orange juice?
    Are your oestrogen levels kicking in right?"

    I chuckled and said,
    "You have got a great sense of humour"

    "Well that's what they say
    Hey! Hey! Hey!
    Shift to your right asap?"

    "What happened??" I turned my head to see who she is looking at and turned back again.

    "Just stay right there..." she insisted

    "You do realize my MASSIVE BODY can't cover the whole of you from that guy." I tried some sarcasm.

    "Just tilt to a little right so that he can't see my face". She was furious this time.

    "Who is he btw?" I enquired.

    "What would you do to know about a stranger's personal life?"

    "Ohh I'm sorr...."

    "Oh come on,
    What are you??
    An apology machine..
    He's my ex.."

    "Ooohhh I see"

    "There's nothing 'OHHH' about him"

    "Ok!! He's leaving now...
    When are you planning to introduce yourself to me then?!"

    "Oops..
    My bad!
    I am melancholy..
    And you?

    "I'm happiness!! "

    © udit94

    (Maybe it'll continue or maybe not)