toothpicksandjokes

Darkness, this is where most of my texts are born. Now sometimes there will be light shining through for what is a shadow without a light to cast it.

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  • toothpicksandjokes 1w

    Why are we whispering?
    ssssh, my heart will hear you!


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 1w

    We all struggle, some more, some less.
    To those that can't see the end...
    I see you my friend and I need you here.

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    at last.

    I walk my own path even when I take a wrong turn I stay true and see it through.
    I was brought up good, nice home, tight friends, family, love. All it takes is one bad choice and you find yourself at the bottom of a hole. I've been spending a decade to get out of mine, I did my time, paid my dues and right now I feel karma could give me a minute or two.
    Depression, gaming, violence and booze.. was not addicted to the escape but rather the confident boost..
    It's all in the past, this is me bleeding the story.. at last. We all have different ways to cope, stay afloat.. my aim is not to survive but live and finally fly. I am broken but healing and that feeling keeps me going.
    My body is covered in scars, stories of the old ways, a reminder to not repeat those mistakes.

    Listen before the voices go silent.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 1w

    How do you contain a demon that is you?
    I keep the very thing I do best locked away, like a treasure chest at the bottom of the sea.
    Hoping that no one will endure his thirst for vengeance again, me.

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    Wolves

    I am covered in scars from stories past,
    each cut a page in my struggle to be free.
    Feared by the many, loved by the few.
    Insane, mental, fearless. .. out of control.
    Aye, most stories be true.
    I did break bones, even chewed on a few.
    My eyes do become black as stare right through, they say they feel pure hatred washing over you.
    I was a beast.
    Your sticks and stones were nothing but toothpicks and jokes compared to the pain I inflicted on folks.
    I have taken control, keep him locked,
    deep down in the darkest
    corner of my soul.
    Dorment, not dead.
    He whispers, I listen.
    I am trying not to feed him.
    I want to be free but you see... so does he.

    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 1w

    Some think it is cool, for me it's a curse.
    These lucid dreams are draining me.

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    Dream two

    I have been having a lot of dreams lately and too be fair I am not in a good mental state.
    I am in the end of breaking down, preparing to rebuild, it's a rough process.
    Don't feel distress, I will be fine so let's get back to these dreams of mine.
    They are born deep down in the far ends, all the way back in the corners of my heart. Already dark and being lucid I take them even further into the black.
    The ink itself would just be too heavy and putting that stress on a page just feels cruel.
    I am just not ready to let you enter that realm, to share that fuel of complete nothingness surrounding my core.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 1w

    Lingering

    The pain lingers, the roots run deep.
    I weep with the willow as we dance in the wind together, me and my original sin.
    As the tears gather like rain on a windshield and cloud my vision, my mind breaks free.
    Like a barbedwire halo this pain has defined me, a beautiful heart glowing bright with a mind embraced by endless darkness.
    Thorns falling one by one.
    I should feel lighter but it's getting harder to breathe.
    Afraid to let the pain go so I let it linger but my sin is fading, my heart is winning.
    It scares me.
    Who am I to be... now?


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 2w

    What if...?

    As an overthinker I create my own demons
    and I do my best to fight them but it's hard
    when every thought spawns a new
    what if...?
    That fucking question that makes me
    overthink every word into a chapter,
    spinning like a rotor blade.
    I think I've just been hurt so many times
    that I now mentally prepare myself for
    every possible outcome.
    So no, you didn't hurt me... I felt that pain
    the moment I met you,
    you just proved me right.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 2w

    Not healed

    They say it won't last forever.
    Now listen, time will not heal all wounds.
    Feelings and emotions are not a fading scar.
    They just are and sometimes eternal.
    Often we call them demons due to the pain they inflict, a burning sensation of an ice barbed spear etched not in our hearts but deep within our minds.
    These are the wounds that suddenly will burst open when we see a movie scene, read a book, watch the news... anything that brings us back to the moment they were created. These just won't heal, all we can do is accept them, learn to live with them.
    And that is okey.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 2w

    Endless Night

    My brightest day is your darkest night.
    Rooted like the Banyan tree, this darkness within. Embracing my core with aim to control, a bleeding heart alone in the dark.
    I can't set it free, all I can do is to hold it tight and let it feed.
    So I bleed in the dark, I scream in silence.
    Forever anonymous I must remain.
    So that this pure bred violence never see the light again.
    Its roots might go deep but mine have the strength of the White Oak.
    I will endure until I'm bled dry, that is how I make sure it dies, just hold tight until I am one with the endless night.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 3w

    Cancel no more

    I search for silence in a whirlwind of voices, drowning in an ocean of white noise.
    False prophets googling wake quotes.
    You bow down to your screen,
    searching for answers in people
    who got nothing to say.
    You stand against violence,
    as long as it's not in your way.
    Offended to death
    before you're even awake.
    What is it today
    climate, racism, white men or the fact that
    no one cares what you say.
    I laugh at your sticks and stones,
    bleeding bricks to throw at your sick and twisted media show.


    ©toothpicksandjokes

  • toothpicksandjokes 3w

    not again...

    I don't write poetry, I am not a poet, these are not poems. It's more of a diary, a place to get the devil off my chest.
    I suffer from the lack of sleep, it is wearing me down, slowly, like a stream of water splitting a mountain.
    This devil just won't let me rest.
    I am tired but wide awake, my eyes get heavy and I relax... damn I spoke too soon.
    I guess I'll just return to staring at the moon.
    I don't know what to do about this restless state, maybe it's a curse that keeps me awake. Some magic mumbojumbo that keeps me from my slumber until I rest six feet under.


    ©toothpicksandjokes