Sometimes, something bad or untoward happens, (be it something that involves a person or an unfortunate situation) only for the light that lives within you to break the lattice of shadow that coats your being. Remembering this simple fact can make the act of forgiving as natural as breathing. @writersnetwork#forgive#writersnetwork#mirakee@mirakee#pod
The thing with growing up is, you begin to realise... you aren't special. You aren't going to rattle authorities and topple governments one day. You aren't going to invent something amazing or discover something magnificent. You aren't going to change lives of millions or set a new path for generations to follow. It's realizing that most of your time is going to be spent on chairs... in offices and restaurants and roadside stalls... discussing those who make a difference. It's realising that you will not be spending your life travelling the globe. A week long annual family vacation is all you can afford... financially and with respect to time. It's realising that the spike in price of onions and flour will bother you more than the fall in price of a luxury car. Growing up is seeing the magic fade before your eyes. It is witnessing the fall of a dream... bit by bit. It is silently accepting defeat... just to retain peace. Growing up is being tired. Growing up... is looking forward to the end... of everything.
My heart space was raped. I woke up numb, with a stinging pain. In my sleep they came with chisels and hammers and spade scratched and burned and tried every brutal means to erase the names... of everything that was dear to me. I woke up ashamed, enraged, with a gnawing ache. Empty, traumatized. I kept staring blankly into the nothingness ahead of me... and also behind. Everything had been erased. I was back into vacuum, alone, afraid.
Everytime that you ask me, what have I been up to these days... I don't know what to say. I haven't been doing anything it seems. Nothing special, I mean. I didn't learn any skill. I didn't create anything. Haven't been talking to any of my old friends. Haven't been reading any book or searching for a guide or a guru. Didn't watch any movie or series until the end. I was invited to some events... but didn't go. Because I couldn't pretend. Maybe I'm living the same day again and again. A xerox of the same story translated in multiple languages. Life lately has been a strange palette of colors merging and flowing... to create hues I didn't know existed. I've been curling in... willingly, happily... maybe. There's nothing on the outside I could show you... Nothing I could present with the glitter of filters and hashtags. But I've been uprooting cities within. Saving forests from fires and cleaning all the streams. There's so much going on in my silence... I don't know if words could do any justice to all those ways in which I've been dying and living, everyday. I've been up-to nothing exciting these days... if you see it from where you are. Come a little closer, if you believe you're brave... and I'll give you a glimpse of the storms I've been acknowledging, orchestrating, editing and surviving behind this veil of a stagnant state.