Lately, my life has been like that messed up woollen ball rolling on the floor, with it's end somewhere lost and not in a mood to be unsnarled neatly. I remember, knitting patterns on my white solid sweater with some colourful wool, especially blue, my favourite colour. I love the sky when it turns blue too. With the clouds mimicking white cotton candies sauntering all around the blue sky while the sun and moon play peekaboo, it's beautiful. I love admiring how the colours of the sky blend among themselves and they don't even need a brush for those extra dark shades. But these days, it feels like although the sky changes colours but now my life has not been a rainbow anymore. I can only see the dark blue and black shades of the sky where it seems as if the clouds are frowning at me. The daisies I've planted once now has stopped giggling and shaking their petals, when I water them. Earlier, they used to narrate their stories to me about how once just because of them, a love story started and how they've also been laid on the graveyard of someone's beloved. I've some photo frames fixed on the walls of my room. They've photographs in them of some of my really close people who are now just like that zephyr which comes and goes in seconds and make you feel like it wasn't even there. The frames now threatens me to fall down and break into pieces. That vintage diary kept on the table besides the scented candles has stopped calling me. With a rusty colour on their pages and a smell of the past, the dairy now doesn't sings me lullaby at nights anymore. Every story used to be a way for me to fall asleep, dreaming how happiness is now like those withered leaves of my favourite daisies. Dried petals of roses inside my cupboard and crowns of their thorns, pricking my fingers, now just don't hurt me anymore. Memories disguised as tears, smeared on my white pillows now create art every night. Golden arrows of betrayal are now been thrown at me and they don't even miss a chance to hit my heart just at the right place, making a wound there which oozes out pain in the form of verses, just like you're now reading one. A jar, which reads in bold 'Reasons to smile' filled with some cheats, kept on the window pane above which a dreamcatcher is hanging, now mocks me because I pretend to smile all the time these days. The thread embedded with roses, decorating my ribcage has started tickling my insides. Twists and turns of the hurt feelings makes me gasp from breaths now.
The scarlet hues of the sky during the late evenings and the early soft twinkling of the stars, along with the moon when it starts getting a bit darker heals me with kisses of solace. Tinkling of the bells due to the wind, with gazhals playing in the background has started helping me untangle that woollen ball, my life, and start knitting. May be start with just a little pansy or a sunflower ? Anything, but everything in a way.
I'm painting my nights with happy lies, hiding away all the truths radiating agonies and essence of heart break. Fake smiles reflecting on the mirror under the moon light and pain burried, deep inside my heart, I'm creating masterpieces with lies all over myself. Smearing the paint of happy, sugarcoated lies on the starry sky and collecting and throwing away the bits and pieces of truth that my scratch my wounds and make me feel like an empty abandoned soul again. The moon smirks at me and mocks me for being this vulnerable that now I've to surround myself with some lies just to make my heart not feel the pain and so that I can rest my eyelids. Life has changed so much that the person who always held the hands of truth now embraces happy lies so that she won't just curl in a corner of the room and spend the gloominess, crying.
I've spent twilights dreaming about walking down the skyline with you towards a harbor which is probably elusive as I want to spend with you the maximum amount of time I breathe. With you, besides me, it's not that tough to walk on spinous path as I know, you would be there to heal my wound. My heart dances on the beat of your heart and somehow they get entangled amongst themselves. Some voids in between them, for us to fill in with extra warmth and trust, this journey with you has been nothing but a lesson for me to learn how two people can walk side by side forever, with intertwined fingers, palms touched, towards a dubious destination. On days, I would crave for you to narrate me some stories about yourself so that I could get to know you even more. On days, I would like you to play an acoustic cover on guitar and sing along with it. With you, I've learnt to live a little more than I was actually. With you, I learnt that if I don't love myself, I can't expect someone else to do so. With you, I learnt that true love does exists but it just awaits for the right person and indeed the right time. And when you, looked at me, I felt the universe noticed me.
Singing to the rhythm of your sweet breathe, I make myself realise that falling in love with you was neither a mistake nor a choice but yes, it was destined.
Sweet and naive, Quiet and poised, No brain and an institutional puppet. Did you not guess? that's me. A girl.
Rebel and arrogant, Loud and unbridled, Smart and ditching the puppet strings Did you not know? That's the new me. A 21st Century woman.
Awaiting in a locked away tower, A big oversized man will come to rescue me, And, that's how I would be saved. Did you not guess? That's me. A Princess.
Tired of waiting in the tower, I show my power Rescue myself, the supposed damsel in distress And, that's how I redeemed Did you not guess? That's me. A warrior princess.
I have played my parts, Whether that be of a naive girl, Or someone with the etiquette of the 21st Century. Or a pretty princess, Maybe presently a knight in shining armour. No one can say otherwise, that I am a woman and not everyone can be like a woman.
Rebellious musings in two realms Devil drowned in affinity of her wings Angel's curse of utter Endearments Draining dark shades to fly away, As our perpetual collision prevails Decipher cravings of desirous eyes Affirmation through pleasures in pain Your Morphine lips captured my veins Mollifying unbridled loneliness within Lessons of infinity, how it thrives indeed Enthralled my demons in intimate toxins Mould of love you filled my heart again Trembling voice in enigmatic ways Standing on the bridge of pure solace Will we last in our intertwined fate