"What do you know about bipolar disorder?” I almost say, What do you know about it? But I make myself breathe and smile. My voice sounds flat and even. Maybe a little bored, even though my mind and body are on alert. “Some people call it manic depression. It’s a brain disorder that causes extreme shifts in mood and energy. It runs in families, but it can be treated.” I continue to breathe, even if I’m not smiling anymore, but here is what is happening: my brain and my heart are pounding out different rhythms; my hands are turning cold and the back of my neck is turning hot; my throat has gone completely dry. The thing I know about bipolar disorder is that it’s a label. Even though I'm sleeping again, everything still feels a little rickety, like I'm here but not quite here, like I'm just a stand-in for my real self, like someone could just reach over and pinch me and I'd deflate. I thought I was feeling better, but I don't know anymore. As my brain wants to kill your soul. I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history. Because with every day that goes by, my heart is hurting, I think the road has end. I feel myself becoming more and more invisible...
//Take my mind And take my pain Like an empty bottle takes the rain And heal, heal, heal, heal And take my past And take my sense Like an empty sail takes the wind And heal, heal, heal, heal And tell me somethings last//
* Submitted into Contest #51 Two Hundred! in response to: Write a story that begins and ends with someone looking up at the stars....
Starry Night, Starry Eyes ~
From "Twinkle-twinkle little star" that she sang during childhood (and even played it on a baby-piano), to: "Rewrite the stars" (The Greatest Showman) and "City of stars" (La La Land) that she starts singing during adolescent; then binge-watched K-dramas: My Love From Another Star and Where Stars Land during adulthood; she is still being dreamy; day-dreaming while waiting for her real soulmate; who will appear somewhere; or else, she'll be alone forever.
From eating Honey Stars at breakfast and counting stars at night (instead of sheeps) when he was a kid, to watching Star Wars ("May the force be with you") and Star Trek ('Where no man has gone before') movies during teenage years; then admiring Starry Night painting (painted by a famous painter- Vincent Van Gogh) & other artworks by other artists; when he has become an adult; he is still looking for his true-love; someone special who will cure his loneliness; Hoping that, one day, he'll find her; Better late than never!
One night, the two of them finally meet.
"Hi" and "Bye"; That's not how they greet.
Their encounter is destined by God's fate.
Love is in the air. It comes at the right time. Never too late!
It's their destiny. Not a mere coincidence! Miracle does exist. Their unplanned meeting and relationship that develop after that is the evidence.
They are standing under the nighty sky, both looking-up at the twinkling stars; outside the art gallery.
He ask "Excuse me, miss. Do you have a powerbank? My phone has low-battery".
But, she can't hear him because her ears are plugged with an earphone.
He stands in front of her, while showing his phone.
She thought that he want her phone number. So, she said, "I don't remember"
He said "You can check, if you brought it in yout handbag, right?"
She become confused. He stares at her and she stares back. Is this love at first sight?!
Between them, there's an awkward silence.
Suddenly, a huge dog, that looks like a hound, from the Hounds of Baskervilles (in her eyes) bark loudly from behind them. She's scared & almost lost her balance.
He shoo the dog away.
Oh, my! He makes her sway!
When she see that his phone turned off by itself, she finally understand what he asked.
Feeling embarassed of the misunderstanding, she thought: "I should have wear a mask!"
"Let's go inside" he says while smiling.
She thought: "Oh no! That smile! What if I catch feeling?!"
He says "This is my favourite. It's called Starry Night"
His eyes are starry. She thought again "Are you my knight?"
Well, he has no shining armor.
Other than his handsome face, he also has a great personality, plus an excellent sense of humor.
While she is not a dame.
It's not that he give a damn!
He said "Beautiful"
She thought he meant the painting, so she nod & say "So colourful"
"May I lend your phone, please?"
"Why?" she asks; He answers: "To call the police"
"Huh?" she bewildred. He winks "Because you've stole my heart."
She smirks "I didn't know that pick-up line is your art."
He chuckles. "Well, just let me take your pictures"
"Why?" She asks again. So, he answers "Because I admire your beautiful facial-features"
Blushing cheeks redden her pale face.
He continue "Best feature is your smile. Which shows your grace"
But, he doesn't know, behind that smile, she hides the saddest emotions and conceals the deepest wounds caused by past traumas that more than just a torture.
She realises, that there's no way, they can be together, in the future.
However, they shall live in the moment.
Untill their sudden deaths torment.
She remembers a saying "Today is a gift. That's why it's called present"
He says to her "Actually, today is my birthday. You are God's gift. The best present".
Her heart feels touched by his compliment. She wishes him: "Happy birthday"
He says "Thanks." then asks her: "When is your birthday?"
Suddenly, there's a blackout.
She feels like someone appoaches her from behind.
But, it's too dark. Like everyone else, she becomes temporarily blind.
The lights turn back on. The pitch darkness fade.
At the same time, on her neck, she feels something sharp. Is it a blade?
She turn around and see her dangerous ex-boyfriend.
The (psycho) ex asks "Who's this? Your new boyfriend?!"
Her new love-interest calmly reply "No. I'm her fiance"
"Why her? She's NOT sexy. Unlike Beyonce."
"She is beautiful, in my eyes."
Her ex-bf laughs. "You have to go check your eyes!"
One of the guards yell "You have to go check your mental-condition!"
That statement has worsen the situation.
He push the sharp blade slightly into her neck. But, it stuck at her necklace.
"What the heck?!" He exclaims. "By the way, what's your name?" He asks her 'fiance'. The other guy answers: "Nicholas"
"Emily?!" a familiar guy, who's with a pretty woman appear.
"Timothy?!" She can't believe that a man who used to be her high-school crush is here & see her like this. She feel like, want to dissappear!
"Who's this?!" Both her ex and Nicholas asked out of curiousity.
"Well, Timothy was my high-school crush. Tim, this is my ex: Xavier while Nick is my future husband". She notices the complexity.
Yeah. It seems complicated.
But, it must be fated.
Nick shout to Xavier "Let go of my future wife!"
Tim shout to him too "That's right. Get a life!"
Xavier the mad man, becomes angry.
He yell: "She's mine, men!" They has causes such fury.
Out of a sudden, an old man pass by them while farting.
Such smelly smell can make everyone fainting!
Nicholas punch his face, while Timothy sweep his leg, when his tight grip of her loosen.
That shall teach him a valuable lesson!
The blade fall, so she get away. Someone has called the polices. They are on the way.
Both Nick & Tim pin Xavier to the floor, so that he can't escape. Not every hero wear a cape!
Polices in a patrol car arrive at the crime-scene.
Luckily, there's no blood to be seen!
Echoes of mixed sounds: there's irrational chaos of the crowds, people's panic voices and deafening siren.
On their way out, Emy & Nick saw a lovey-dovey married couple with their children.
They both wonder, if they also can build their own family?
At that moment, he propose her, "Will you marry me, Emily?"
She is like "OMG! Is this really happening to me?!" Well, she say YES, of course!
Hand-cuffed Xavier who see this start cursing them, like a drunken sailor. Which is so coarse!
They just ignore him completely, as if he doesn't exist.
Then, in the jail, he end-up having an existential-crisis.
Not long after that, Emy & Nick get married.
Yeah. Well, they sort of hurried.
From dusk till dawn, they both watch sunsets and sunrise, plus gazing at the stars, the starlights are shining brightly 'like diamonds in the sky'; They keep staring at each others eyes while dancing; going to bed when they get sleepy, doing something under the covers; Somehow, they wonder, if there will be, good news, from the 'storks', for them, weeks later?
From strangers, to acquaintaces, friends to lovers, then, husband and wife; a happy marriage; He embrace his now heavily pregnant wife; She often feels the baby's movements (rolling, kicking, squirming etc.) inside her tummy; (which causes somewhat feel like a stomach-ache); They stand under the bright moonlight, while star-gazing and then they live happily; Well, hopefully, until Here-after.