Other account of Amsterdam & Sundae

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  • sugarfree 3w

    Hello from the other side. ��

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    Of Black Ants & Falling Hair

    If I were to give you a clear picture of what's going on inside my head I'd probably tell you about the black ants climbing the white steel grills of my window at 8:10 in the morning. I'm counting their footsteps in sync with the steady beating of my heart and it makes me want to cry a river or two as I listen to the soft, lazy humming of the three-year-old maroon electric fan on top of my brown study table.

    I hear the sound of a grasscutter about sixty meters from my house, oh, it's a Saturday morning I mistook as Monday because my body clock is from a different time zone and the lonely calendar at the back of my door is stuck in February.
    Every time I look at the mirror and cringe at how ugly my two-dollar haircut looks like, I cackle like a crazy woman yet I feel so hollow at the same time.
    My slippers are mismatched again but it doesn't bother me at all because we both know orange and yellow-green do look good on dainty feet, don't they?
    My hair is wet and it reminds me of the blow dryer I've been waiting to go on sale in Lazada
    since December but the more I think about it, my scalp starts to itch and I try to ignore it so as not to scratch it till it bleeds and regret it later.
    I've been having excessive hair fall I won't be surprised if I go bald any sooner. Maybe I'd go shave my hair before baldness beats me to it.
    Who knows it could spark a trend and make me go viral? Haha.
    A Sparrow is trying to build a nest on a tiny gap between the wall and the window outside my room. It's amusing and amazing how a thing so small could carry a heap of dried grass up there
    in 24 hours.

    It's 8:45 now and my stomach is on a riot it's demanding pancakes and bacon but my waistline is begging for a bowl of sugar-free banana cereal swimming in low-fat milk.
    There's an army of black ants walking on a perfect vertical line outside my window.
    I wonder what's running to and fro their minds on a lazy Saturday morning like this.
    Perhaps, they're thinking of pancakes, falling hair, and grass cutters too.


  • sugarfree 24w

    Dear 2020,

    Sometimes, I regret I told 2019 that I couldn't wait to meet you. I've changed my mind in May.

    If only there is a secret shortcut somewhere, I'd be sashaying my way out now, never mind passing through your grand exit doors. But then, thank you for letting me dip my toes into November, alive and kicking.

    Breathing fine, despite the mask.

    Back in December, I imagined myself strolling in your alleys, peek through your windows like a child who's starry-eyed with too much anticipation of the magic that you promised, hidden in your pockets.
    But, lo and behold it's not the kind of magic I was anticipating at all!
    I asked for the one with rainbows but you came with black magic fifty shades darker!

    Sometimes when I am alone, the thought of looking at you in the eye makes my stomach churn itself in a manner that makes my skin crawl.
    You took us all by storm and you made sure you'd take the center stage looking like a million-dollar movie star, all eyes on you. In the spotlight.

    You showed us who the real master of the game is and you're out to teach us lessons the hard and funny ways.

    I'm sorry to say this but you're too much 2020.
    I'm tired of the things that came along with you.
    There are nights that sleep is elusive and I'm left staring into the unknown at odd hours, thinking how the rest of you is going to unfold.

    But if the universe can hear the silent whispers of my heart, I'm sending a wish to the skies that all of this will end soon, in a gentler way if not beautifully.

    Breathlessly Yours.

    #writersnetwork #mirakee

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  • sugarfree 24w

    #winterc @writersbay

    How I wish I can tell you
    About this winter inside me
    It's been snowing here for quite long
    Frozen cold deep into my bones.

    Snowflakes softly fall
    As days and nights come and go
    This cold numbs me to the bones
    Yet it doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

    My lips and toes turned midnight black
    My blood sleeps soundly in my veins
    They've been waiting for spring to come
    And thaw them back to life again.


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  • sugarfree 30w

    You knew mornings don't always show up with dramatic sunrises. Every time you wake up to a new day, faint hope peeps through the veils of your eyes eager to greet the sunshine, wishing it will give you its customary salute in all hues of the rainbow with sprinkles of gold pixie dust on the side.

    But then, even if it won't come with a glorious entrance and the clouds double the burden on your shoulders, you woke up today (while others didn't make it) breathing on yesterday's lessons and regrets, tinged with frozen nostalgia hugging you from behind.
    Though it lingers there for a while, somehow you smile and take it all.


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  • sugarfree 36w

    "Are you an introvert or an extrovert?", someone asked me out of nowhere.

    That caught me off guard. To some, it may not require a lot of thinking because Yes or No would suffice. But, not me. It made me think and scrutinize myself a bit more than I should.

    I could have chosen to ignore the question but I couldn't get it off my head. I couldn't decide because I know I'm neither an introvert-introvert nor an extrovert- extrovert. So, should I say I'm 50/50?
    After some pondering, I came up with something I hope sensible enough.

    Let's put it this way, if I am comfortable with the company I have, I feel like I'm Queen of the show.
    If not, I am a wallflower and flower pot combined.
    And that my friend, is only tip of the iceberg.
    How about you?

    Good night. ;)

    #random #prompt #introvert #extrovert #ambivert

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    “Accept who you are.
    Unless you’re a serial killer.”
    – Ellen DeGeneres

  • sugarfree 36w

    That's what we are
    In the vast sea
    Of uncertainties
    Life's put on hold,
    Turned upside down
    Never knowing
    What lies ahead
    Of this turbulent ride,
    Propelling our unsteady boats
    Into doldrums, we're bound.
    Will tomorrow's sailing
    Be calmer than today's?
    Amidst the turmoil,
    Human as we are
    We struggle to survive
    And come out of this
    Kicking alive.

    That's what we are
    In life's high tides
    And rough seas
    Tossing us into
    Powerful surges
    We attempt to ride.
    Side by side
    Hand in hand,
    We surf through
    Mighty waves
    Striving to
    Emerge as victors
    Of this warfare we're
    All thrown in.

    #stranded #pod @writersnetwork #quarantine #hope

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    Stranded in life's turmoil we may be,
    Tomorrow a story of victory it's gonna be.


  • sugarfree 37w

    Throwback to when rhymes were my thing.
    Forgive me I'm feeling cute I didn't follow the pattern. :D

    @writersbay #rhymesc

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    Why I love You

    You make me smile when my day is gray.
    You make me laugh when I'm not okay.

    You tell me I'm sexy, even if I couldn't see my feet.
    You tell me I'm beautiful, it makes my heart skip a beat.

    You tell me you love me more than three times a day.
    You tell me everything that takes my blues away.

    You're simply amazing just the way you are.
    You're my dream come true, my greatest gift so far.


  • sugarfree 37w

    Oftentimes, when I am alone and have nothing to do, I'd go over the many pictures in my gallery, or read again the messages in my inbox from people dear to me or from those whom I've met in social media and had meaningful conversations with.

    I don't know about you but I have this weird habit of not deleting old messages and photos even if it takes most of the space in my phone's memory. I ask myself time and again why I have this tendency of holding on to people and things. Could it be that I have issues with letting go?

    I know there is beauty in letting go of something precious to us, knowing that it can make someone else happy but I am yet to reconcile with myself.
    Because I realized that I cling on to things and people for reasons I can't even explain.

    Yes, it's hard for me to let go. There is no secret to it, and it is never a wonder. Maybe it all boils down to my fear of being left alone.

    #musings #diary

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    There is beauty in letting go.

  • sugarfree 37w


    if I say I still remember you
    as vividly as summer of three years ago
    would you believe me?

    if I say I still miss you
    the way the night skies miss the stars
    when they are hiding behind the clouds
    would you believe me?

    if I say I still love you
    even if I said I no longer do
    would you believe me?

    if I say it's only you and still you
    who holds my heart all this time
    would you believe me?

    if I say I still wish and dream
    you back in my life
    would you believe me?

    but even if you won't ask me
    the way I ask you
    just know that I do
    all ways.


  • sugarfree 37w

    I woke up today to the soothing pitter-patter of the rain outside and suddenly, I'm in a trance. I struggled to recall what day it is, and it took me a few moments to convince myself that it's Wednesday, not Saturday. With eyes closed, I soaked in the peace and quiet around me, all mine to enjoy in a while.

    For no apparent reason, tears stung the corners of my eyes. lt unlocked the door to the secret closet where I've hidden my bottled up woes and anxieties. Sadness sat at the base of my throat like an unwelcome guest. Something that we sometimes don't want to acknowledge, but we have to deal with, anyway.

    I dragged myself out of bed and fixed a cup of black coffee. No sugar this time. Pure and intense, like how I feel inside. Sipping on the bitter goodness, I let sadness linger for a while as I watched the rain with you on my mind.

    #rain #melancholy #coffee #brevette
    #poetrywednesday #pod @writersnetwork #llc

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