soulanne

I feel things. I write things. I am living for love. ❤️✌️�� IG @soul_anne

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  • soulanne 1d

    Old Habits

    Why is it that I miss you when I'm sad? I don't think to share the happy bits of my day or wish you into an occasional, sunny selfie.
    Why do I want your touch and attention in the midst of tears and headaches?
    The thoughts are soothing for the moment, but don't conceal the worry.
    Do you truly put my soul at ease?
    Or, am I clinging to a broken routine?


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Headspace

    I don't feel welcomed here.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Reallocation

    Maybe I'm too quick to give away the love I should be saving for myself.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Order

    Priority creates possibility.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    My 5 Year Plan

    is to be alive and less sad.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Pretty Sure there's a Circle in Hell for me

    I've tried maybe a handful of times, five conservatively. I never had the same intention each attempt, I just did it and hoped for nothing. The end, I assumed. Initially, I was eleven and stole a pocketknife too dull to make an impact. Later down the line I stock-piled razorblades. Those definitely left a mark. Thank the creative gods for talented tattoo artists. Pills surprised me, to be honest. I thought them a cheap, cop out, but boy how easy it was to toss them back. Whatever the catchy prefix, as long as it numbed, I swallowed. The panic always set in. Every single time. It was the one thing I could count on. Fear, then anger, then guilt. Guilt was-is the heaviest thing I've carried in my lifetime. I still have my moments of curiosity or overwhelming sadness. Sometimes, just a deep longing for quiet. Rest. I don't try anymore, though. I think I'm too tired now. Sometimes, I guess you can be too depressed to die.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Uncle

    How dare we judge and curse and pity a man who chose to escape his suffering. I don't blame the one who knows his pain well enough to end it. I will hold no anger in my heart against a soul who tried and lived and loved as best it could. I won't feel shame for sharing the name that made us family. You will not shun the relatives of the lost, based upon the rules of your golden book.
    I will continue to regret not knowing enough, not doing enough, not being enough for him...
    But he will live in my memories and dreams, where his pain is a stranger he'll never meet.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 1d

    Light as a Feather

    I'm watching a mockingbird try to keep its balance on a parking sign. The breeze tipping its tail feathers up and down in a comical motion. It doesn't stay long, as is a bird's prerogative.
    I think of observing myself from afar, attempting to hold my footing fast to the earth, only to be swept up and away by an unseen element.
    I hope the winds are kind and my wings strong.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 2d

    Most Dangerous Game

    I rush.
    I fall hard. Fast.
    I second guess myself more than what's expected and do it again before the night is through.
    I get drunk in these rose-colored glasses and may ask you where we stand once I can't see straight.
    I'll cling. Then run. Sometimes hide.
    I just might beg or list my demands.
    I'll give every ounce of my being for the greater good, if I believe it's us.
    And I'll crumble when I admit I was wrong.
    So if our pieces do not fit, our visions lack a match, please don't take or place blame.
    We can only fall and hide and give so much.
    Love is strange that way.


    ©soulanne

  • soulanne 2d

    Recall

    Give it back.
    All the love I gave and shared and left.
    I want it, please.
    Unconditional no longer applies once your heart breaks.
    I hope to grow the spine, to support the mouth, that would say this to you.
    I just can't justify asking or telling.
    I'm no good at confrontation. That's not changed.
    What has, is the fact that I wish to regift that love.
    It's about time I give myself something nice.


    ©soulanne