Dear future partner, When it’s only you and me at the end of the day feeling each other’s breathe and falling in love over and over again, I would never ever ask for more. Okay! I will learn to wake up to the alarm. Turns lies on making coffee where I would cheat then and now. My youtube cooking playlist are full of “How to make delicious breakfast?” and so I can assure you that your breakfast is on safe zone. We both may be shouting and searching for our keys and socks. Yet kiss in forehead is mandatory before leaving to office. It’s not a big deal that we get pissed off in our office just remember, I am just a message away. Avoid extra time to the most because I can’t you miss you more. I am always there to hear your laments out and to spend a quality time together in front of tv, sharing that day’s gossip and just speak out all the things in your mind. I have all ears for you. ab dinner ki bhar, okay I can make some decent chapatis or let’s try out something new. I can approve your no bath Sundays concept and I respect your match hours. At least clean your closet on Sundays no. I can be your best partner on 3 am conversations and I’d love to know your vulnerable side. You won’t be treated inferior if you are struggling in your career. I can help you from my side. We are not perfect together. It’s about working things out together. Let’s grow together, make more mistakes, evolve from it and just remember I’m always there to support, smooch and cuddle you the more.
Today I got tested positive for Corona and I am in home isolation. Already My father, my mother and my brother tested positive and they were admitted to the nearby hospital. They got discharged four days back and now I got into this trap. This month has been a roller coaster of emotions and it turned our family upside down mentally. When seeing some posts and death news in social media, my fear and restlessness peaks to high and all I worry about is when will we be out of this endless loop. The shortage of vaccines, people's ignorance, political party's greediness and our lethargicness combinedly created this messy chaos. But there is no such thing that human force cannot overcome. In such times some people still gives us hope that humanity is alive and that kindness and empathy is what drives us today. Hope this pandemic ends soon and looking forward to those normal good days.
Yesterday I was reading 'The 3 mistakes of my life' and it tempted to see the movie 'Kai po che' which was made out of that novel and it was Sushanth's first movie. Honestly, I was awestruck with Ish(the character he played) who was extremely passionate about cricket even when it didn't give him any recognition. You just got fit into my mind as 'Ish' at that time.
No matter wherever we are / whatever the scene is, me and my brother never missed a chance to watch 'MS Dhoni : The untold story'. We would have watched it like n times but will never get bored of that masterpiece. You just got fit into my mind as our 'Mahendra Singh Dhoni' ji at that time.
Few months back I got to see 'Chhichhore' in which you played a role of an engineer. I was not so excited when the movie started but as it slowly proceeded I found it quite relatable and those atrocities with your gang were too adorable. You just got fit into my mind as 'Anni' at that time. You lived at all of your characters.
You taught your son to fight against failure in 'Chhichhore' movie but why didn't you fight against it in your life?
Writing after quite a long time. Had a serious blockage in my writer heart (don't gape at me, notice the metaphor.) So here's a piece I've written in a story prose-like style in which I've poured some virtues that I've learnt (not from my experience but) from my overthinking. Hope you'll enjoy it till I check all the leftover submissions in my free time. :3
You used to live in an old apartment with all the windows broken. Streetlights used to peek inside your lonely dark room to find you breathing melancholy and your cold aura kept all your friends far from you. In a cigarette shop near the station, you met a guy who had a smile like young cornflowers and a velvety voice. You came straight back home and found your heart missing from your chest. Next day you kissed him and took him home with you. That little apartment of yours was no longer a hullabaloo of darkness and ivies, but bushes of wild cornflowers instead. He loved you till your bruises were gone. But his love was like smoking cigarette in summer, burning you inch to inch, till your heart was just fluttering ashes. And he left you in the morning, burying you gingerly in a grey, raining cloud, with no words of console.
I know you miss him, because his love, even though ephemeral, was the prettiest moment of your life. And that's the thing about beautiful things; they seem precious as they end. Imagine if hurricanes never existed, would you still look for peaceful nights?
' , ' .
The whole next week you cursed yourself for letting a stranger steal your heart. And you feel stone-hearted like never before, for when it started beating the very first time, it broke into brittle pieces. You keep rounding that cigarette shop every evening that always remains closed now, as though looking for clues at a crime scene. You sit alone on a bench, watching the empty metroes pass by, feeling lonely as ever. You feel like sadness is your home now, and you go outside to clean those dead cornflowers, whose petals have dwindled from cerulean blue to ashen grey. Again, each night that streetlight clambers into your bedroom to find you sobbing; you're too afraid to be happy now, 'cause you feel if you love again, you'll break even more now, so what's the meaning of being fine again?
The thing you didn't see is sadness was never your home, it was the hurricane that wrecked your home. And hurricanes do last; maybe you can't see behind the clouds, but the greys will fade soon. Till then, look for warmth in yourself. The day you'll forgive him you'll find the clouds running dry, your pieces of heart lifting up to fasten into one. (But remember everytime your heart joins again, it's never the same way. Maybe this time it'll be stronger and persistent. You never know until you fall in love again.)
Your ashen heart has curled back into an ivory flower, and you watched it bloom like a greek folktale. You had to shed almost every piece of older you, so you can paint yourself in a milder yet fierce shade of demure blue. Now you've forgiven your lover, not because he was right, but because you deserve peace. You've realised that fake loves are charming but ephemeral while true love's a diamond coated in leaden grey. For all the pain you suffered to heal, all the blood you bled for scars to disappear, you don't care. Now all you know is there's a blue sky, and when the storm'll place its feet in your city again, you're not gonna blame yourself and cry.
Healing hurts, doesn't it? But curiously, it's only after you're fine that you realise how much you needed to be broken.
i've started to love nights and its not coz it's dark everywhere or that it's the only time when stars become visible in the sky or that the pale moonlight is easier on the eyes than the sun's bright fires. the moon sure does come out but so does the dark clouds that hide it from my sight. then the next big thing that night has to offer is peace and calm but it doesn't profit someone like me whose mind hosts a chatterbox session of voices, silence is very deadly in my case, as you can see and i always fail to make peace with it. it makes room for my dark vicious thoughts to gather around, it paves a way for my anxiety to snuck itself in between the conversation. the only thing that night brings that makes it better than before is my muse. she comes to share her time with me, when its all pitch dark outside our room, and theres just a candle light lit beside our bed. when everyone's busy killing demons in their dreams, me and her stay awake trying to capture ourselves.
July, a year ago, exactly in this month, we kissed for the very first and probably the last time, after three years but your taste still lingers on my mouth as we have kissed just yesterday, you ask me if I remember you still and I gulp down my words inside " I do not remember you because I never had forgotten you." Your arms are now in love with someone else's arms but my arms still long for you to embrace them to feel love and warmth again, you are now around 450 miles away from me but still I feel your presence in everything I see, in every word I write, in every word I read, in every song I listen to, you always make a way to make me feel warm sometimes and cold the other times when I feel that I could never ever get back your love. I meet people, I stay happy, I get excited that there will be someone who''ll make me happy the way you did, who'll make me feel love the way you did but I end up disappointed and ignorant towards them because may be I search for you in every person I meet, this is a cliche but it's the truth for me. My arms still wait for your arms, to hug you and feel the warmth and love once again for the last time.
"Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the mornin' Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line" ~Finneas