I know how you're feeling. Yeah, I do. Anxious? Stressed? Worried? Pressurised? Perhaps each and every one of these.
The thing is, Stop letting yourself get upset over shit that won't matter in a couple of years. Stop taking everything so personally. Let these emotions dictate your life and you lose. Accept and embrace the fact that it's what life is all about and you win.
Love yourself. Fall in love with being alive. Fall in love with the little things. Watch 6 am sunrise and 6 pm sunset. Go on a ride or a drive with no destination in mind whatsoever. Stop to take pretty pictures of yourself. Burn your skin from a hot shower after a long day. Sleep in on Saturdays and wake up early on Sundays.
I hope strangers make you smile. I hope your Playlist makes you sing. I hope you fall in love with yourself again.
How do you know if its time to let go of something you were desperately trying to hold on to? It's so painful and damaging to realise that "something" is not worth it anymore. You deny, You lie, "You dread it, run from it" Doesn't matter.
I tried to be the person you expected. I tried to give you everything I had. But, somehow It was never enough. Somehow you were never happy. And somehow, it was always me. I was exhausted. Yes I'm sorry but I was. Chasing after you, all those one sided efforts, all that begging, All that trauma and anxiety and what not.
I was done. It wasn't easy. Losing you was so fucking painful. Giving up on something that I promised to fight for no matter what. But there's a limit. I still remember those sleepless nights. Couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face, Blinking back tears every time I see your pictures, Deleting conversations and regretting instantly. Still remember each and every single fucking thing I went through.
But I had to. I deserve better, Someone who was willing to fight for the sake of us. Someone who knows what "mutual efforts" mean. I deserve to be loved.
I hope you know that struggling to cope up with isn't a sign of weakness. You have every right to find hope. You have every right to find that teeny tiny piece of happiness. Go ahead and, listen to that one particular song over and over again. read that one meme that makes you laugh. watch episodes of "FRIENDS" or "THE OFFICE". order a pizza for yourself.
Sure, some won't get you or your ways. Might call you weak.
Don't let them get into your head, They have no idea what you've been through. They have no idea what you go through on a daily basis. They don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. They don't know what rock bottom feels like. They don't know what being alone feels like.
I know. I know what it's like. the anxiety, the pressure, the discomfort, I know what each and every one of those things feel like.
There was no one for me when I needed to hear this the most. So here I am, Telling you that you have every right to shun those who ridicule you for appreciating these little things.