I lie here in the drain, surrounded by the filth of the city. The rats gnaw on parts of me at night but fail to make headway. What a contrast to my life of a few days ago when I was revered, loved and worshipped! It hurts to think that once upon a time I was actually happy. But today I am forgotten, abandoned. Today I am trash. No one's treasure.
They saw me at the mall. Hanging from a display rack. Shiny and clean and dazzling. The child reached out her hands to me and looked at her father with a smile that would melt the moon. Her mother tried to explain that she did not need another one. But her father melted and said it's okay, this is the last one.
I was kissed and caressed and hugged on the way home. Taken out of my plastic cover, I was shown off to friends. Decorated with her mother's jewellery, bindi and bangles. Ribbons and laces and new clothes were hurriedly stitched and the child slept at night, contentedly buried in me.
Months passed wherein I travelled with her to malls, other cities, her ancestral village and school. Once when I fell down on a muddy road, she cried and the entire household got together to wash me clean.
Gradually however the magic faded. There were others after me. Just like there were others before. I fell down in the mud a few more times. Once from an eight storey building. Once from the car window. Once to my horror I was taken away by a dog and almost bitten to death. The child wailed and the dog ran away when hit with a stone, but with a part of me in its mouth. They found it and joined me together but the scar remained.
Beauty fades with time they say but does love too fade? Where once I was kunjammoo (Little Ammu) now I was just 'that old thing'. I longed to smell the child's soap, hear her giggles, and feel her sweet breath on me while she kissed my head. But now I was no longer her favorite. I stayed awake at nights, expecting to hear her mumble in her sleep asking for me. But no one called out my name. Gradually I was forgotten.
I lay for many days at a time, in a pile of discarded things. Somedays she would glance at me and call my name and hug me to her heart, oh, how I cried! But then as suddenly as I was remembered, I was tossed aside while she found someone else.
A few weeks ago, I was scooped up into a big sack along with other things and given to the man with a pair of weighing scales. I travelled halfway across the city to end up on this landfill. Kids run across me. Sometimes they pick me up but toss me away. I am no longer pretty. I am the one eyed ugly doll that no one wants.
Why is there this hurricane of emotions within me? Why do you not meet me on the stars of memories? Why do you not illuminate my town called heart by completing the incomplete moments? Why do you not adorn the silence inside of me with with your whispers?
Now my eyes close only when they feel suffocated by my sobs. They shed too many tears.. Each breath inhales too many regrets. Each silence hums too many questions. Each tear floods too many complaints.
Why don't you run your fingers over my scratched soul? Then you'll know how many bruises, how many cracks you're responsible for. You'll see that how much my heart is empty.
Sometimes I wonder how my heart can be so empty while my brain is so full. Why can I not equate my feelings and thoughts?
I've lost track of time. So I pass my time counting my breath. It takes too much time to come. It reminds me the day when I'm crying breathlessly and I'm too near to die.
There I sit, working whole night, gathering the pieces and fixing the puzzle of my heart. I fix myself time and again temporarily. It looks like a perfect piece of art.
I'm fading into nothingness. I'm becoming invisible. So this pain would be unable to find me. So done it is. The deal has been fixed.
In this time, I'm watching the episodes, I'm watching everything on replay at a slow pace.I'm watching ~the shades of darkness... the sleepless night... the butterflies that I can't can't feel... the crowd of thoughts... the fixing puzzle...the fixed Smile... the counting of dots...the seashore...the soaked thoughts...the endless love and the fake love you gave me...
Each unfolding episode, a piece of my soul to escape and fly to its ultimate destination - a place far far away from those suffocated people, where the stars will fulfill their wishes without falling,where nothing will be broken.
It was such a bittersweet pleasure to know you like cigarettes dipped in the honey jar, like grey weeds grown among the lavender, like smoke mixed with fresh earth.
~Fading as I'm writing, i was. But now I'm not. Maybe this is my last writing...
Sunsets leak through the curtains Of your vacuum eyes, Two pools of champagne stillness Never reveal The bad days that have passed your lungs, Is it a blessing or a curse? You ask when no one knows What's running to and fro the corridors of your mind, They say the eyes are the windows of the soul But I only see Berlin wall Beneath the valleys of your cheeks And your mouth is a river, Ever cool, calm, and collected In the silence of Winter And the festival of Spring,
Perhaps, life is a cruel teacher It taught you well How to master the art of silence Behind the layers Of copper masks and mocha tans, It's hard to tell If you're a wilted flower or a social butterfly In a sea of China dolls, Your face is a blank canvas Of midnight wars and infinite poetries, A white sheet of clouds Hiding the blues and grays of your skies, Monochrome rainbows Sit like royalties in the throne of your forehead, Your lips are sealed Forever, a vault of question marks Is buried in the graveyards Of your ocean-deep eyes.
Vincent Van Gogh is a whole freaking mood. He thought that swallowing something the color of the bright, shining sun would make him feel brighter. That's why he ate the yellow paint.
Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear when tempers flared with Paul Gauguin, the artist with whom he had been working for a while in Arles. Van Gogh's illness revealed itself: he began to hallucinate and suffered attacks in which he lost consciousness. During one of these attacks, he used the knife. ~Google