Iam painting my nights with happy lies By telling myself that you will be mine someday!
Moon of the night is you and the orbit in which you exist, is me. I decorated stars to entertain you! And I even painted the sky with black and shiny colours to make you shine brighter!
I know those happy lies are momentary And the next day I have to face the reality But yet I am willing to wait for that lil moment throughout the day.....!
I literally wanna move the time backward and drag it back to the days where we were young and innocent with kind and loving hearts...and will fall for each other again and again!
I regret not accepting your gifts I regret not accepting your sweet smiles I regret not accepting your heart I regret all my choices against you!
Only if I knew that such day would come... Then I would have loved you a lil lot more and lil lot earlier...this way I wouldn't be living a miserable messy life filled with, days of your memories and nights of your returning hopes( which is a happy lie)!
It seemed your eyes were black holes But no, missing you is indeed a black hole
Losing my ownself by cherishing our memories Texting you without fail for the hope of ur reply Calling you with the ringtone of my heart sound "Lub - dub..."
I wrote many letters but never sent you any,coz I was grieved intensely just bcoz of no replies to my text so imagining your letter as a plain paper without any warm words will take me to grave I guessed!
When I missed you till I hit the rock bottom You were doing bottoms up at pubs!
My every sunrise,sunset & moonrise all were filled with your rememberances and traces of your love!
Dawns were stolen with Uhtceare of ur missing And years passed in your awaitance... But lil did I knew that Not ur love but ur awaitance is forever
Yet the hope of your reappearance Will never bend below... Instead will raise bit by bit,day by day!!!
Was 13. Suddenly...No, I think my instincts already gave me a hint back then That my eyes gonna be nothing but an accessory organ instead of sense organ!
All I could see was Eigengrau in the shades of phosphenes, Getting up early in the morning turned out to be meaningless as now I can't even see the sunrise!
I always lifted my neck to the sky,but not anymore, All I now do is imagining things!
●Many thoughts popped up in my lil brain "I can't see my mom and dad anymore" "I can't neither enjoy nature nor it's outcomes called creatures" "I can't pen my beautiful writing as I did back then" "I can't even watch any movies too" Life seemed really horrible at that point!
My hands,legs,infact my whole body was immersed in the sweat and got completely numb!
I was able to hear mom weeping,out there But no matter how hard I tried,it was just difficult for me to find her in crowd(caressing her head is just far beyond my control I guess)
●At times I burst out into laughter when others said:- --"close ur eyes when you're at temple & pray to god" In malls they said - "Plz,try this clothes on,will like it!" In restaurants they said - "Mam,plz recheck the bill,u have paid just half of it!" Even my cam suggested me often that "Hey dumb,flip the cam to selfie mode"
Everyday I used to just listen the voice of mom & used to just mock at my dad's scoldings but the visual just didn't exist in my life I guess!
When clouds sing elegies and the wall at your home is flaunted by another frame- work, I flow down your eyes and rub salt over your bones. I rejuvenate pain liberating hope into a wineglass and entitle your poetic seclusion.
Evaporation may suck you out, but I'll condense nostalgic embrace over your parched soul. When your dreams start setting and valour fade into dark pastels of night, I'll rise like a sun to impregnate you with cemented light.
Your ribcage is a silver array cobwebbed of sadistic letters from a stranger, banning joy, grief is my ultimate existence. Your lover is a traitor, make me a forever. I'll kiss your scars even though I'm step-womb of your vengeance.
I'm not a parasite, a carrier of mutualism succouring the war you're fighting alone. I'm a mayhem of disgrace finding an abode in you, but I'll leave my home, the day you learn to stand on your own. ~Purva