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  • sarie_the_writer 1w

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  • sarie_the_writer 1w

    Words written to express how I feel
    With ink that disappears
    Because the only time I can truly be honest
    Is locked away hidden in a computer labeled journal
    With a password that only I know
    And in there are thoughts of truth
    Things I wouldn’t ever say
    And yet sometimes I want to say
    Actions holding true restraint
    But like the keys typing entering a reality of my life
    That wasn’t truly the life that was right
    And yet it was somehow right
    Or perhaps how it should be
    Because it was mine
    So thoughts that consume my every day mind
    Written to never be found or read by anyone but me
    Thoughts what a wonderful and yet dreadful thing
    Like thinking of you
    Which I tend to do a lot
    Whether it’s dreaming or thinking but never speaking
    Never telling a soul how I truly feel
    Cause like the ink that disappears
    those words must disappear
    For a reality I want couldn’t be
    So many problems and created by a mix up history
    But the concept of wanting you only shows the reality of me
    Wanting one that’s not available and emotionally disconnected or another that was the embodiment of toxic and damn was it toxic but I always found a way to love the two
    And so you both became a reality of the truth of me
    As insane as it might be
    I saying I wanted stability
    And yet my subconscious was showing me through my reality what I truly wanted
    As if my words were lies and my heart oh how my heart became the enemy
    Falling for people I knew damn well I shouldn’t be
    Like walking on highway in insane traffic expecting not to get hurt
    And yet the hurt brought a comfort of pain that I knew all too well
    And so as I write each line it brings a clarity that I knew but never truly accepted
    And so I accept that the concept of how I was loved was due to not loving me enough
    And the more I began to love me the more I seen that flaws between us and yet
    A piece of me still wants us
    But I’ll never say your name accepting what remains
    For I deserve a love that I know is true
    And my heart tends to confuse the two
    With emotions on high and so my mind has to take the lead
    So with words written they speak a real secret truth
    That only I can truly interpret
    Like a type of a da Vinci code that I created
    And a heart that shares love for two locked away never to be found
    Loving one more than the other
    With tears no more for acceptance has been restored
    I am here and my heart speaks for me no more
    I am enough and all doors have been closed
    Keys buried that only a true love can find
    And if he does
    There I’ll be willingly openly loving once again without fears
    For that man will be loved
    Like a true love was never here
    And a heart never broken
    Never damaged
    I will love him like I love me with no boundaries
    For I am no longer hurt but healed
    And lessons in love has taught me what is real
    So once again I will feel without fears
    For the reality of love will actually be the reality I deserve
    And he will be the man that deserve the reality of me
    As his actions proves the words I speak
    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 2w

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  • sarie_the_writer 3w

    They say the love from your father is something amazing
    A connection that can’t be replace
    Or duplicated
    So I waited
    I waited for you to truly love me
    But I was waiting alone
    Caught between not feeling like I’m enough
    Or maybe I don’t deserve your love
    Your presence
    So pain began to fill
    In place of your absence.
    I wanted you so badly
    And I cried for many nights for you
    Like walking on shattered glass
    And intentionally making cuts
    To create scars that was a reflection of my past
    Because you were a part of my past
    How could leave me on empty
    In a place of darkness
    Caught between waiting to live
    And dying slowing inside
    And I just wanted to die
    Slit my throat
    So it would be the last time I cried
    For you
    But I lived oh how I lived
    Numb and hurt
    Just wanting my father
    I was a piece of you
    And you throw me away as if
    I wasn’t a piece of you
    A reflection of you
    And yet I was still abandoned
    Forgotten by you
    Scar left and you never noticed
    Cause you never saw
    Because you were too busy
    Abandoning me
    Why wasn’t I enough
    For you to have actions that proved
    I deserved my father’s love
    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 4w

    insomnia
    It’s like the unconscious mind
    Stoping time to keep you awake
    So you can work through problems
    That you didn’t realize would keep you awake
    So I’m awake
    Caught between two realities in my mind
    The one I want and the one that’s divine
    And I’m not sure if you are included in what’s divine
    Cause I get caught up in fantasy
    Trying not to manipulate it into my reality
    Cause manifesting I have gotten good at lately
    So good that I question if I am manifesting the right thing
    And I’m uncertain at times but here again I can’t sleep and you are on my mind
    Among other things
    And I’m a version of content
    Living and loving life as it is but understanding that it can’t be what it is
    I killed the old me off cause it no longer served me
    And I stay focus but deep down there you are
    Trapped among a million thoughts
    But I still see you and feel you
    And my words become silent trying not to comprehend what happening
    But I do
    And I can’t sleep
    Not because of you but sometimes because of you
    And you have no power over me
    No one does
    But tonight my insomnia is winning
    And thoughts that shouldn’t be
    Are keeping me up
    I close my eyes
    Naked trying to just sleep
    My mind races and thoughts so many thoughts
    Then there’s you and my mind is calm
    But I’m afraid that I created a reality where I can’t have you
    And so you fade away
    And my eyes open
    I am awake now
    Back to the millions thoughts
    Because I haven’t solve the problem
    My unconscious mind told me to solve
    And maybe right now I won’t
    Maybe having the fantasy is okay for now
    Cause the reality is
    I have a millions thoughts keeping me up at night
    And sometimes you are one of those thoughts
    I just wonder if you know that you are

    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 10w

    Sometimes I dream of you
    Caught between reality and fantasy
    Fighting between heart and mind
    Divine time and endless time
    Releasing and letting go of attachments
    And attracting what I'm suppose to be attracting
    But sometimes I dream of you
    Followed by conversations that play on repeat
    And the truth I can't escape
    And yet my heart still beats
    And these talks helps sometimes it truly does
    But last night I dreamed of you again
    So this morning I will have that same conversation once again
    Hoping that this time will be the last again
    But knowing the truth makes it harder to pretend
    So I focus on it
    In order to bring me some sort of peace
    But last night I dreamed of you
    So this morning my thoughts are consumed by you
    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 10w

    I whispered a secret
    But you didn't hear me
    And so I waited
    But you never came
    Text on silence and no missed calls
    And so I took your absence
    As your direct answer
    And I remember the last time you said you love me
    And how that time was different
    And yet I said nothing
    And I wonder sometimes what could have been
    Both scared of the same emotion
    But I can't wait for anyone not even you
    So for the first and last time
    I love you too

    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 15w

    I wish I can put in words
    How I truly feel about you
    But it's hard to explain
    And all I want is for you to stay
    But these words have the potential to make everything change
    Like it's complicated and confusing
    Any yet theses feelings are all too familiar
    Like Ive been here before
    But I’m not sure if I chose the right door
    My body is consumed with so many different feelings
    that brings happiness but fear
    Cause I created walls so no one could be near
    No one could hurt me and yet
    You are too close to me
    And so I want to run
    Away that is
    But my thoughts are consumed with images of you
    And the taste of you all too familiar
    Even your smell it consumes me
    And I find myself thinking about you when I shouldn't be
    Like in this moment and in the next
    And the sex oh my God the sex
    Got me feeling blessed when I feel you
    And All I want is to feel you
    Touch and hold you say I love you and you know I love you
    These feelings are so confusing
    But it's not lust but I still feel like im losing
    Myself that is
    Control that is
    I obsessed over details and analyze
    Making my next moved before I blink my eyes
    Because it protects me
    But I fear losing a bond that I never had with anyone else
    Something so beautiful and caught in-between being unseen and seen
    A love I never shared with anyone else
    Deep conversations and just being me
    So I try to build walls
    That you cant break through
    But somehow these thoughts break you through
    I Pull back just to not be too confused
    And I listen to your words
    Not expecting anything more than what I've heard
    Blinded by a feeling I hid for decades
    Cause I made a choice in order to stay
    Keep something that I never wanted to lose
    And just seemed like everything I touched crumble before therefore I had to choose
    And I wish I could really expressed this affection that shouldn't be affection
    But I smile with the expression
    Cause I can't get you out of my head
    Walls are down
    I'm defendless
    So listen and prepare
    For the moment I want you here but you can't be here
    And I just want you out of my head
    But your voice makes me smile
    And your presence make me feel safe and alive
    So I become silent
    Cause I want you stay
    And my words aren't my words anymore
    Classical denial and fear
    But never regret for I still believe
    What is mean to be will be
    So I close my eyes and dream
    Trying to see what will be
    And I wish I could put in words
    How I truly feel about you
    But there's no words stronger than
    I love you
    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 15w

    Getting over someone is easy when you realize you fell in love with the illusion of him and not the reality and the reality of him couldn't love you correctly therefore why are you sad because you never truly lost anything you just eliminated someone who was wasting space therefore making room for the right person to come in and love you correctly and that's not to say that person was bad he just couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved and his actions didn't match what you truly deserved therefore if you stayed you both would have been settling. Now this doesn't mean you will stop loving the person this only allows you to stop being sad and open the door so the next person can come in. Some doors needs to be closed because they were never meant to be opened for that long.
    ©sarie_the_writer

  • sarie_the_writer 16w

    If I could tell that little girl anything I would tell her this.....

    Love is a four letter word that most use and don't know
    That pain becomes the structure that grows
    And tears become so familiar
    It's the only thing you truly know
    And anger how angry you will be
    To see so many people you love
    Not love me
    How actions never matches
    Even when the person is acting
    And lies oh how people lie
    How they say they want to be there
    But truth is they can't
    Cause loving you is something they just can't do
    Correctly that is
    And you deserve to be loved correctly
    But for years you won't have it
    You will be confused and abused
    Violated and disrespected followed by
    I love you(s) and I'm sorry(s)
    But forgiveness is something you lack
    Cause actions can be controlled
    So every hurt was intentional
    Therefore the anger grows
    And you hold on creating barriers
    And this time no one will break it down
    Walls up you will be no one's clown
    No men family or friend
    And you wonder sometimes when does end
    So I say
    Head held high smile now
    Wiped them tears no frowns child
    And the only sorry that means something is from me
    I tried to protect you from what I couldn't see
    And when you broke
    I picked you up glued the pieces
    But your heart still shattered into pieces
    Broken mirrors
    That we can't look in
    A reflection that's sometimes hurt cause we know when it began
    They see the beauty
    I've always seen what's within
    And when I tried end it I’ll always regret
    For the solution for you shouldn't never been death
    But death at the time brought peace
    I'm thankful we didnt leave
    But I'll always be your protector
    Cause you are me but never forget
    Love is a four letter word
    Most use and don't know
    So sadness and pain made you comfortable with the cold
    But it's time to be warm now
    I'm here now
    They might not know what love is but I do child
    And will forever love you
    Correctly that is
    For you are me
    And I am you
    And loving correctly is what I do
    ©sarie_the_writer