Why is there this hurricane of emotions within me? Why do you not meet me on the stars of memories? Why do you not illuminate my town called heart by completing the incomplete moments? Why do you not adorn the silence inside of me with with your whispers?
Now my eyes close only when they feel suffocated by my sobs. They shed too many tears.. Each breath inhales too many regrets. Each silence hums too many questions. Each tear floods too many complaints.
Why don't you run your fingers over my scratched soul? Then you'll know how many bruises, how many cracks you're responsible for. You'll see that how much my heart is empty.
Sometimes I wonder how my heart can be so empty while my brain is so full. Why can I not equate my feelings and thoughts?
I've lost track of time. So I pass my time counting my breath. It takes too much time to come. It reminds me the day when I'm crying breathlessly and I'm too near to die.
There I sit, working whole night, gathering the pieces and fixing the puzzle of my heart. I fix myself time and again temporarily. It looks like a perfect piece of art.
I'm fading into nothingness. I'm becoming invisible. So this pain would be unable to find me. So done it is. The deal has been fixed.
In this time, I'm watching the episodes, I'm watching everything on replay at a slow pace.I'm watching ~the shades of darkness... the sleepless night... the butterflies that I can't can't feel... the crowd of thoughts... the fixing puzzle...the fixed Smile... the counting of dots...the seashore...the soaked thoughts...the endless love and the fake love you gave me...
Each unfolding episode, a piece of my soul to escape and fly to its ultimate destination - a place far far away from those suffocated people, where the stars will fulfill their wishes without falling,where nothing will be broken.
It was such a bittersweet pleasure to know you like cigarettes dipped in the honey jar, like grey weeds grown among the lavender, like smoke mixed with fresh earth.
~Fading as I'm writing, i was. But now I'm not. Maybe this is my last writing...