There comes a day when I count my dreams far too often than they are remembered, like how the words read are both past and present simultaneously, just by the way that we say it, the reds of my roses form into lips that speak where truths are weak.
My chose of freedom has always been one that I can keep close, with my heart turned upside down I have been asking the rain to slow down, you tell me that life isn’t always going to be easy, but we must still try to sort things out, I am grounded by more than just your hands that point to the sun, you tell me to grab it down, grab everything that I love and it will surely arrive all the same. there was a time when I couldn’t decipher what I should be for someone else and what i can still be for myself, but you hushed all of my worries into a dream that only we can have.
I know that the times are moving by and we’re only getting older, but I feel younger and younger as the days pass by, proof that time is all in the mind. My body may decay, but my mind will always be as is. The wind is strong today, my youthfulness will never really leave me. You tell me that our thoughts are mostly the same, our likeness to find each other wasn’t by mistake, it was intended to remain this way.
For my thoughts and love for you will never change, the seasons may change trees, leaves and florals, but my heart will stay with yours. I know I can be a heavy basket case of crazy when I don’t know where I need to be or even if I’m at the right place, but when you point to my soul and ask about its colors, I can only respond in music, words leaving my lips don’t sound like language and if it was a language, It’d only be one that we speak.
I know life is short and nothing is promised, but as long as I am seen by you, I think I’ve lived a good and happy life.
There is something beautiful coming up with the sun— the world is q u i e t.
There is something waking up with me and sometimes it sounds like the way you call out for me, thoughts forming inside of my head, the silence I’ve hidden from you comes out in shouts and it’s never the aggressive kind, you hear all of the things I could never say out loud, but still you’ll swear up and down that you can hear everything left unsaid and I’m just a star that doesn’t know where to grant wishes. You will swear that I do. Inside of my head, you tell me to let it all out. Why are you so kind to me?
You’ve never lied to me. Not once. Where does all of your love for me come from? You are the very blue that covers my tears and mixes itself into my very being, I am searching for truth, you give me love. I am searching for me, you give me love. I am searching for happiness, you give me love. I’ve been trying to write the perfect poem to express how you make me feel, but you still give me love. I’ve had a wild last three months while you gave me love. On nights when I couldn’t sleep, you’d give me love and read me bed time stories.
Your honor soaks inside of my joy. Your pride swims inside of my ego, you tell me to let it all go. On the nights when I’d play the guitar for you, you’d give me love. Your eyes don’t tell me any lies. You are many things, you have never been a liar. You’ve always been yourself with me. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was hear someone so beautiful and close to my heart call himself not worthy.
You do things to my heart, if you got any closer, the earth would rip itself apart and new islands would be created filled with lavender skies and it’d be a way for me to place my laughter so deep into the soil that only roses would grow. I am just a writer who doesn’t know any better, but you will claim that I am star fragments too bright to recognize itself. If the world could kiss my eyelids shut, I’d still have your smile climbing into my rib cage. You always make me laugh.
You tell me that my heart tells you all of my secrets, would you believe me if I told you that your heart secretly does the same? Your body has betrayed you in the most beautiful way, you cannot force love, that is true. So why are you the wind that doesn’t stop blowing? Why are you enabling my wings to fly? Even if it’s far from you? You don’t contain me. You don’t control me. You set me free. The man says, “If there is something beautiful that you love, just let it go. Because if loves you, if it truly loves you it’ll always return to your side.
Although I’m letting you go right now, you will always be with me in that moment on top of that hill where we shared nothing, but an unforgettable moment of what true love could really be.” I am a moment inside of a moment, a thought inside of a thought, a traveler lost because I tried to hold the hands of time I have come to understand that you cannot be anywhere, but right here inside of our small concepts of what living life feels like.
I don’t want to fall in love, I want to feel alive. Would you believe me if I told you that when it’s q u i e t and your eyes look into the parts of me that I didn’t know existed, all I can think about is how beautiful you’ve made me feel? Would you believe me if I said our silence holds conversations that the greatest libraries cannot hush up? Would you believe me if I told you that wingless birds can fly? If I a dragon, you are the scales that protect my body, if I am a tiger, you are the stripes upon which I can use to stay hidden, if I am a fairy, you are the magic that leaves my words.
I know that we never meant for love to happen, but what if we did? What if it was always meant to be like this? I ponder often about the quirks of how you became to be such a strong and crucial part of my growth. You’ve never demanded for my time. You just reminded me to drink water and eat fruits, my avid book reader listening to all of my psychedelic adventures. If this is the worst, I can handle it. If this is the best, I’ve always known it. Love doesn’t need to be this painful experience, love can be so much more. I don’t know the rest of our story..
but would you believe me if I said that it’ll be beautiful no matter the outcome?
P.s - I cannot leave this place until I’ve left everything in this life, so if I have anything left unsaid, know that somewhere I’ll be sending my words to you, and if that is not enough, my next life will be formed inside of ideas and I’ll find you to know that I mean well.
I know that I am not the same person, I see things differently now. Will you believe me if I told you that people come from stars? Have you met someone that shined the same? Down to his laughter to the way that he smiles about the same thing. I know that I am not the same person, I have seen things that I simply cannot unsee.
The priceless joy of your timeless frequency, I have taken things, all the sweetest little things that you do, into soft considerations. You cannot be a dream, I am not imaginative enough to make this part of my life up. I have felt things I simply cannot unfeel. Making up words to explain the incomprehensible, on the tip of my tongue like a run-on sentence and we’ve been running away forever because lost was something we did not mean to be, it’s just the time.
You are timeless with your hand movements, they say that those who speak with their hands are the most honest, when I am honest with you, I am reminded of how much I’ve always respected and loved that part of myself. Have you ever met someone that lifted your aura? That brought your flame spirit into shape and just wanted you to love others better? In a healthier way. In a livelier way. In a softer way.
I am a very flawed person, but all mirrors are sharp once broken. I am a flower, but all flowers die when plucked. If we were once a single soul split into two separate entities, which one of us held the sky up and all of its stars? Which one of us provided life for the animals and plants? I have tasted the moon’s reflection upon my ocean floor, I cannot untaste you and all of your beautiful refractions of light.
These are just ways that I see you. I have thought about why you were placed into my life and I cannot unthink them constellations come together like cells forming to create life, inseparable flames sparked by a will to learn more about themselves, if you look into me and get lost maybe it’s because you see so much of yourself inside of the found parts of me. I have found home to be burgundy tinted with hues left for my eyes to design a house for where I could stay but my place has always pointed to the stars.
I am grounded, but at any given moment your laughter can jet me into oblivion and return me safely to my bed, weighted blankets near my Himalayan lit room, rose quartz my favorite costume to wear during Halloween, I am a wild flower child that runs wild when you’re around. You tell me that I’m special to you like how stars are special to humans, you tell me that I’m special to you like how bees are special to flowers, you tell me that I’m special like how I always wanted a friendship that could understand me before I even knew I was understood, you tell me that I’m special like how dates are special to lovers trying to keep track of their most precious moments.
I have found something deeper than love, an ancient form of being, what exactly is this person if not a kaleidoscope soul with an aptitude for understood boundaries? I have found an island that is surrounded by gardens instead of the ocean, instead of drowning, I just have to watch my footing, words can bring us back to life, but I have kept my thoughts and intentions pure hearted and gentle. You put this smile on my face that hurts and if pain is the opposite of pleasure, then this isn’t really hurting, it’s loving myself back into myself by loving you where I cannot understand.
I have touched upon parts of your life that I cannot untouch, it’s like the opposite of ruining trust, you can crumble up a piece of paper and try to write prestine poetry onto it, but the paper is still messed up. You have the touch. Touch isn’t always a physical thing, emotional touch is important. Saying I love you without words, without physical contact, by just being it’s not like a rose being handed out just because, it’s becoming the rose and just trying to hold our your reds enough to mean something, so if you see me for me, I see you for you.
You ground me, but you are a Saturn ring that I cannot look away from, when you speak my ears don’t know how to not listen, so I listen.
You have been keeping all of my thoughts inside your shine, love looking down upon such small gestures.
I keep wondering if a poem would
be enough to keep you here. Keep you smiling. Keep you shining. I have been having a hard time accepting, but forgiveness starts within, you can only continue outwards when you feel understood and sometimes before others can understand you, you must first choose to understand yourself.
If loving myself was a priority then loving you was a necessity. I’m sorry if I’ve been quiet, trying to build a healthy relationship with myself is like building a sand castle without water, although I keep falling, I know that the ocean will provide where the sun cannot and if the moon mirrors the shape of my smile, I’m all for lightning and storms, I’m all for hurricanes and lost whereabouts.
Keep my laughter inside of your belly and pull me closer, loving you made easy words left inside of your palms keep bringing me home and I know you hate it when I cry, but lately you’ve been kissing me where I can’t seem to put my finger on, but if my emotions are running high and words are all that I have, I can only hope that this life is gentle to me.
And I know that you’re a constant thing when clouds hide you are where I cannot see you, but if honey and tea is sweet enough to mask my pain, then I’ll have all of my drinks maxed out and locked in, you can keep my laughter inside of your own, I’ll find my way home and the stars will welcome me back with open arms and gentleness, I love you doesn’t seem so far when you’re looking down on me.
P.s - There are plenty of ways for us to cross our lips, but the lines of fate has been keeping us apart and I just wanted you to know that if heaven had a waitlist and hell was a step away from burning my skin onto poems I’m not supposed to read out loud then I’ll find a way to cross every sea caught by flames just to see if I can make my way back to you.
There’s a silence that holds your smile together underneath the sleepless nights that sing your name more melodious than the hands that have held me together. There’s a war paying your knees to keep moving because none of these bruises look exactly like her holding time.
Is there someplace quiet inside of your head where I can leave some of these I love you’s? tell me about the child you used to be. he who used to save every leaf he ever met, who collected dreams in a box under the bed and sang songs about rain as he stood on a mountain made of sunlight and laughter. And though you’re the kind of heart that always feels like coming home, some days missing you is as far as I get.
I keep asking the weather for a little bit of rain, but it flooded over and my tiny little sailboat is all that I’ve ever got, writing my poetry into the sea and letting the world see me for me. Do you think true looks like something we can hold? Something that will love us? Something that could love us? Something that’s not friendly to those that makes us cry? Something that’s exotic like living 9 lives?
Something that carries the mysterious was of a tiger hiding in the jungle? Something that’s ready to jump out and carry us away? I’ve heard that falling only hurts if we aren’t caught in time? I keep asking if torn umbrellas can shield me from the rain, but I threw it away before the answers came and I’ve been drenching in truth ever since.
If finding love right when I needed it is something that I should be ashamed for, I want to know what it feels like to be proud of it. Live long enough to find that the love you’ve always given out is just something that you want to feel, I want to trust where trusting counts. Tell me about your adulthood and if you could find enough I miss you’s inside of your throat, won’t you take the time to tell me that you do?
I’ve been asking for the ocean to be gentle with whispers that act like waves and if I’m relentless and loving you is effortless, I can only ask the world to be sweet to me. How do I not love someone that comes into my life as a force of nature? How can I not? How can I reject myself of that friendship? Of such gentle worries calmly telling me that it’s okay, it’s okay to always remain as myself.
I know we have been through a few things and I don’t know where to safely keep my heart, but if you had your hands wide open and you’re not afraid to love, could you fall in love with me? I know poetry and prose sounds like the things that lips do, but I’ve been trying to make more room inside of myself for you.
I know that humans make incredibly messy homes, but I’ve been asking the wind to dry up your tears because sadness doesn’t have to look so sad. I know we have been through a few things and I don’t know where my heart should sleep nowadays, but if you had your mind linked directly to mine, would your thoughts compose symphonies for me?
Would I be just another shade of your favorite color? Or is it something more? I’ve never been much of anything to myself, and I’m trying to fix that, but if I had to keep one thing going in my life, it is to have you forever. Am I silly for believing in forever? Too naive? Too young, too dumb?
I’d like to think it requires a lot of faith to believe in words like always and forever, so how about just love me for me and love me for right now. I can live with all of my faults, as long as I’ve got you. I know we’ve broken a few falls with tongues sharper than the breaths we’ve tried to steady with run on sentences.
I could read you for a thousand forevers, and still not get enough. I’m your out of breath moment, the songs you turn all the way up just to drown out the doubt. I hope the rain will pass without hurting your heart. I’m addicted to loving you, and I'm beyond recovery. May I lay my aching body on top of yours?
Rest my heavy head on your chest and close my profoundly fatigued eyes while you keep watch for me? It’s been a long battle and I need to hear your heartbeat and feel your warmth. You’re the thought I keep in my pocket for whenever the world becomes too much.
You‘re in me all the time now. Music plays and all I hear is the melody of your magic rippling across my skin. My first thought is the last dream of the night, and you are there calling me into the day. I fall asleep feeling you wrap around me as the darkness engulfs me. It’s hard for me to let things in without thinking I have to rip open my chest and bleed out to make room for them, I love you, and this is the only thing I want to feel.
Scars speak to your heart, no words meaningful enough to express real pain leaves change with your veins, we fall into ourselves, we break into nothingness. These days I try to be more like myself without the need of you.
I keep trying to capture the punctuation in your eyes, but there are no words and this isn't a poem when everything about you points to the stars I wish died in me. I see darkness where you see light and maybe that's why your words have always felt like the laces I never needed to tie.
Your laugh has always been the broken heart that hangs in the museum of my palms, and your dreams are the reason the earth keeps saying one more spin. And if there was ever a day when I forget to love you, know that deep down inside, somewhere that’s not too broken, it’s just you and me.
Sometimes I think about the meaning of things for too many hours, sometimes I don’t really feel like I’m here. These days I’ve been wondering more, but I know that questions don’t always constitute an answer. I don’t think that I’m happy all of the time, but isn’t that completely normal?
I think life would be far too boring and unrealistic to be happy all of the time. Sadness makes things balanced. too much of anything can kill you, but I’m still trying to find out if I’m here for this. I’m still here. So I guess things aren’t too bad.
I’ve been following the stars you’ve left on the roof of my tongue to disguise the smiles I’ve painted on. Sometimes I think I can hear the ocean in the silence of when our hands touch, but I know the sun will always answer your questions before my eyes turn the page to match your complexion, and I’m trying to be okay with walking the same mountains you no longer remember.
I didn't know how else to say I love you, so I hung the moon in the sky, but maybe if you blink too much the earth disappears. Darling, maybe everything that looks like defeat is just another path home. And I will always be in the next room, waiting until then.
And if death comes for all of us, I don’t want to be like the old poems no gently into the night, deliver me to the world as a sea of mistakes. I want to be something more real than how I lived this life of mine.
If there’s pain, I want to be the rain that washes those tears from your face. If there’s any hate, I want to be the scars that still show up on your skin just to remind you that cuts do heal even if you have too many or if you didn’t use enough alcohol to take away the sting of razor blades.
I know that it’s hard most days and death is right around the corner, I keep telling myself that I’m working towards a goal, but sometimes it feels like I’m working towards nothing. I don’t know why it happens to be this way, why does my brain have to have this empty feeling cover up my thoughts?
I feel numb to myself, please help shouldn’t feel like hell. Please stay shouldn’t have to wait for another night, so when I tell you that I love you, every cell in my body is nodding in unison, you are a universe of words trying to ink my skin with another dream that one day I’ll be more than someone’s someone.