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  • roseanna 11w

    Anna Come Back

    Mold Anna
I am Anna
But Anna feels so far away right now
Anna hasn't been to her core in a very long time
Anna doesn't even know who she is
And maybe because she has caked on so many different things
But to peel them off feels empty
Boring
But when Anna can breathe, she is then free
And secure
And satisfied
 

  • roseanna 11w

    It’s painful to explain why I relapse, but this was the best way I could explain. #addiction #relapse #addict #cocaine #drugs #drug #abuse #recovery #aa #coke #thoughts #rehab

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    loss

    cocaine,
I have given you
    everything in me
    to keep you
    everything
    I spend my time searching for
    pieces of you
    the tiniest amount
    just to feel the loss of you
    a little less

  • roseanna 11w

    Hidden

    My love
It’s not your fault you don’t know
    Or see,
You see
This drug has a mind of its own
    Making my mind
    Weak

  • roseanna 11w

    It’s painful to explain why I relapse, but this was the best way I could explain. #addiction #relapse #addict #cocaine #drugs #drug #abuse #recovery #aa #coke #thoughts #rehab

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    Lost on Cocaine Highway

    I don't know how to tell you that Izzy has came back, my dear
    She whispers things in my ear
    Tells me she's so sorry I'm in pain,
    And reminds me of those beautiful times, we kissed in the rain
    She looks me in the eyes, and tells me she just wanted to see me again
    Take me on a ride to get away for a moment, just like old times
    But the old times to reminisce on are never truly that far away
    But time away with her feels so much longer, so I try not to focus on her
    To keep the longing at bay
     
    No matter how long our times been away,
    She insists again, again, again
    But the screams aren't in anger
    They are in a rush of pleasure
    Of the thought of us together
     
    She makes things so exciting, my dear
    She comes to me frazzled, excitement never lessened,
    Boasting about the world, and all the joys that are near
    There are new peaks to reach, she says
    A better feeling to feel,
    We get in the car, and step away from the fear
    I tell her a short drive, remembering her lack of care
    But I trust her way of knowing the perfect way
    And we start driving so fast
    That I can't remember where we even started
    Going so fast, I am forced into the moment
    Holding on to that moment
     
    We speed through the lanes,
    The world is moving so fast,
    I look around to see beauty,
    Colors, faces, nature,
    The beauty of the world will last
    But I'm amazed at how everything I see as beautiful,
    Also quickly moves past
     
    Izzy asks you why I'm so depressed
    I look at her and tell her my life has darkness
    That I can't surpass
    A life of confusion and wistfulness,
    That is only escaped at home by sleep
    Or a slow paced walk, to calm my head
    Can we not think about it right now
    And stay in this moment
    That gives me a glimpse
    out of my mental torment
     
    Izzy starts to sing
    A loud beautiful song, meant only for me
    Making me feel so special, she kisses my cheek
    And tells me there's no reason to weep
    For she is there, with me, and will show me all the beauty to this life
    Going so fast, feeling so happy,
    Hearing her sing, and watching life go past,
    Makes my heart skip a beat
     
    The police pass, and I realize they aren't watching
    Us go flying through the road,
    Everlasting
    No paranoia
    The rush is incredible, every cell letting go
    No sad thoughts anymore, I am never alone
     
    We drive so far
    That I don't know where to go
    But I do know, we need to get on the road
    That will lead us to go home
    My eyes are tired, my head is spinning
    I'm getting frustrated I don't see an exit 
    No wonder I feel burning
    In my chest, anger boiling
    Izzy keeps trying to comfort me, but nothing is working
     
    Izzy understands, and tells me she understands I have to go home
    I ask her what way, and she tells me to listen to the sound
    of my own intuition
    She reminds me I know God is near, 
    And he knows the way, off the highway
    So I can get home and pray
     
    As i start to pray, there's a deer in the way
    In the middle of the road, calm as could be,
    I'm trying to get home, can you just let me be
    A sudden slam on the breaks
    And know this is part of God showing me the way
    All at once I am still
    And Izzy looks at me confused
    I hate that we are still, 
    But will sit there until, the deer goes away
    And I feel the movement of no choice go away
     
    Izzy tries to leave the car
    But I can't stand to watch her go
    How can she leave me here all alone
    When my head is still
    Stuck in its own loop
    But doesn't want to stop the thrill

    I sit their nauseous, and think about going home alone
     reality starts to hit
    And maybe she's right,
    These are the moments I can't quit
    I look at the deer, and see it's simple life
    But I can't escape my own head, 
    And will never be that type

    I shouldn’t have let Izzy
    Get me to cave in
    Every ride with Izzy
    Leaves a hole in my heart
    Making it a little harder
    To say that final goodbye

    I should have learned
    The ride is too much