rodney

XXV “Here to Impact and not to Impress.” ®

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  • rodney 2h

    27th May, 2022.
    2:55 a.m.

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    Out in the existence,

    I hope every word I didn't hear,

    And every word you didn't seem to understand,

    Comes together in unison of an event,

    And, harmonizes in delight —
    In spite of every part of us,

    We had to strive on leaving behind.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 10h

    26th May, 2022.
    6:44 p.m.

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    Could all the dew drops rest a while longer,

    On the serenity of the morning mist?

    Could everything that I am,

    Rest in the preservation of my rhymes?

    Could everything that I am,

    That I became,

    Predestined to be defined by who I am?

    ©rodney

  • rodney 18h

    26th May, 2022.
    11:01 a.m.

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    Strike of lightning.

    Bit the snake bite,
    To suck the venom off of myself.

    Without anybody to seek,

    Nor, anybody to speak.

    I tried to talk,

    But my intonation was never heard.

    My head was never understood.

    So I went quiet amidst the throng.

    If my state of being,

    Or my avoidant behaviour didn't get what it wants,

    Why would it turn to the sounds of the hall?

    My body sucked all the venom in,

    To never grow an ounce of vengeance.

    I sought wisdom,

    I sought empathy,

    I sought avoidant behaviour,

    If it wasn't my fault,

    For what happened from the start,

    Why was I blaming myself —
    Forcing myself to walk in the dark?

    When my heart was pounding like a sun,

    In its youth.

    Why am I looking for people's thoughts,
    Opinions of what I do in life to approve or disapprove my heart?

    It isn't how we are supposed to live, isn't it?

    It isn't how we are supposed to create, isn't it?

    If life wasn't as inedible and healthy as it is,

    Do you think we would have art?

    ©rodney

  • rodney 1d

    26th May, 2022.
    4:21 a.m.

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    Free.

    Times change,

    Flipping pages,

    Deranged depleted youthful rage,

    It can set you free.

    It can eventually let you off its hook,

    Or you could run past its state of release.

    It ain't quick sins,

    That gets you to where you want to get.

    It ain't quick philanthropy either.

    It ain't your heart or life,

    It isn't anything that is in us,

    But something beyond us,

    Somewhere far from us,

    Yet so close to our grasp,

    That you could feel it all around,

    That truly could free us.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 2d

    24th May, 2022.
    6:42 p.m.

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    Caught between the tug between earth and sky.

    There isn't enough courage in me,
    That I could master to love you,

    Like I want to.

    There isn't enough time,
    Between us that we could use to walk close,

    Like I want to.

    There isn't enough anybody,
    Between our hearts and our families,

    To stand there and observe the life,

    And, everything that's beaming light in-between us.

    I couldn't,

    I just couldn't,

    Only stand there,
    Hold oceans of love for you,

    To only smile and wave another goodbye.

    But life takes time,

    And, my patience has turned to anguish.

    Every time I look at you,

    It wakes up a world inside,

    Unlike no one else.

    But whenever, our time to bid farewell ascends,

    I hurt myself an ounce more,

    So I could survive one week more,

    Until I see you next time walking in through the same door.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 3d

    23rd May, 2022.
    9:15 p.m.

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    Based off of reality.

    At nights,

    Such as this,

    Would you turn at my doorstep,

    One day to say you've hid it all along like me?

    Or, would you hold it all against the calling of the wind,

    To let go?

    Are we God-destined to fall like this,

    To not connect with whatever we may be,

    Until this life casts its anchor down,

    And, we try to dock at the same port?

    Can we talk about it,

    Or, let it go before it drips within,

    Drop by drop to empty my tears of serene?

    I can't fail to notice,

    But all my life is starting to seem more like a myth than based off of reality.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 3d

    23rd May, 2022.
    8:56 a.m.

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    Eccentricity.

    It is not the will that I'm contending against,

    It is not even you.

    It is not the love that I'm trying to seize,

    It is not even you.

    It is not the kindness,
    My intentions to harness the power to possess your heart.

    It is not even you.

    I want to love you,

    Like the lid that perfectly fits the container,
    To hold it intact from spilling its contents.

    I want to treasure everything that there is,

    In your heart,

    As much as in your eyes.

    I want to be everything that there is to your life,

    Yet, hold nothing in you from setting itself free —
    Away from my eyes.

    Everything that I am,

    I am in my head, heart and body,

    You know,

    I feel like you know me.

    Without words trying to explain everything that's been happening — involuntarily.

    But I guess, until it's our time,

    We cannot do anything.

    I guess your Dad detests me,

    Or, something that's in me.

    I guess,

    Dreamers like me,

    We scare away people we love,

    With vocabulary beyond its realms of glory,

    Than the people who treasure our thoughts eccentrically.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 3d

    23rd May, 2022.
    8:41 a.m.

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    Turning out from me.

    There's never been a time,

    When I was standing inside.

    There's never been a time,

    When everything that I do,

    Could be is on my side.

    I've always felt like I'm walking against the stream of everybody.

    People admire me,

    But I've always doubted if they really loved me.

    People have done things, bought gifts,

    But I really am unsure if they really loved me.

    All the doubts in my head,

    And, all the best things about me,

    I feel like it is the only reason someone is around me.

    Would anyone be daring enough to look inside me,

    Holding a heart so tender,

    That it is barely beating?

    Could everything that I am,

    A lie in your eyes,

    That you often run away from me?

    Or, in the alternate side of the story,

    Is this life and is this how everything and everyone eventually turn out to be?

    ©rodney

  • rodney 4d

    23rd May, 2022.
    1:46 a.m.

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    Standing with life.

    Surrendering all the could've beens,
    Would've beens and the parts I didn't have a choice to play,

    And, all the paths that I had to tread on to arrive as the man of today,

    I am today.

    I can't ear please,

    When I speak.

    No, I can't ego appease.

    No, I can't let myself die in name of all the lies.

    There are things that I withhold,

    There are things that I share.

    There are questions that I've phrased,

    And, there might never be a chance for us to confront that in the light of the day.

    So I have no choice but to confront my life,

    With the truth that silences the volcanoes within,

    With the roaring of the ocean waves swallowing it from inside.

    I'll slide out alive,

    But I'll wipe my tears on my way out of your life.

    If you don't want me to arrive,

    I'd never feel safe inside a lie —

    A lie I've sheltered with more lies.

    For I've always loved to stand aloof in every side,

    To disperse into the voidness of the silence that overwhelms the lies.

    For in whatever that I am,

    To be,

    Know that everything I do, did,

    Has deep reasons,

    That I'll never confront with words,

    But allow time to unravel my stand with a life.

    ©rodney

  • rodney 5d

    22nd May, 2022.
    2:11 a.m.

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    All my heart.

    Ain't stopping now,

    Ain't going to slow it down.

    Ain't going to lose my faith even when my ego mops your floor.

    I've let my vengeance go,

    For my Lord has taken upon Himself to show.

    For my Lord has witnessed Himself amidst the throng of humiliations.

    For my Lord knows all,

    For I care not about anyone now,

    I care about how Lord reads my thoughts and writes my life,

    With memories of my past,

    Pulling me out of the darkness,

    With His silence and the loudness of His actions.

    I don't like to talk a lot,

    So let not my life be a testament to my own, but the God I've grown to adhere to all my heart.

    All my heart.

    ©rodney