• kaetkey 45w

    Dear you,
    I have meant this letter all along but I'm writing this today because I felt it all over again. I wonder if you remember that post I wrote and deleted. Remember, now. I don't really know because now I doubt if there was really anything important in it for you to remember. Such a rant it was. Happiest rant I've ever ranted. You know why I deleted it right? I didn't know how you'll take it. There were things written you asked me not to do. You asked me not to make you reason behind my smile. I was afraid you know. Afraid that you'll hate me for doing something you didn't want. Go away from me. I've always had this fear of losing you. You know how stupid and messy I am na? I never expect anyone to stay. So I deleted it. Felt like I buried it in my heart. It was so hard to do that yk. So fckin hard. But I was more than happy to know that you didn't read it. I didn't care about anyone reading it back then too like today I don't care who reads this. They won't get it all. I cared about what if you do. Then after months you tell me you've read it the same time I posted. I wasn't pissed at you for keeping it from me but I cried knowing that you stayed even after reading it. After knowing all of it. You didn't tell me because you thought you weren't meant to read it. You said maybe you were afraid of losing me too. ‘Maybe' felt quite harsh on my heart so I omitted it to keep the rest of the sentence close to me. Who knows better than you what words mean to me? No one. Every single word that touches my heart is kept close like a letter received from faraway land. My heart belongs to that letter era yk. It's so hard for this heart to survive in this time period. So very much.

    Such a silent reader you have been na. There's magic in the way you used to read my words. Most appropriately. You've never been wrong in reading my words. Eventually you started reading me too. Hundreds of people read my words but no one could ever read me. You left from here and more people started reading my words. The more reads my words got, the more I felt like I'm not being read. That used to hurt me yk. I felt read when you were around. So I started asking ppl to not read even my words. I missed the sense of understanding. I missed your read. I've said this before and I'll always mean it that your one read means more than infinite reads. You told me that even when you aren't around, you read my words. All of them. I used to feel it yk. When you spent your time asking me about those words. Those were parts of me re. You were reading me like no one else. I didn't know how to tell you that you aren't bothering me asking about my posts continuously. I felt understood. I felt peaceful everytime you asked. You read correctly when even I couldn't read myself. I'm grateful.

    Too much of anything pushes us away from it na? Same happened with me and my words I guess. You left completely from here, stopped reading. Ofc the length sucked. And also, your will to read me, died. It had to one day. I miss your reads everytime I write myself down. Even if everything is left open, it all feels buried in my heart. You don't feel like reading me anymore and I'm getting better at using XDs unlike before. And it just hurts alot to know I won't be read again, ever. It will hurt na. Ofc it will. It's okay, okay?

    This is somewhat like that post having a single heart emoji as bg haha. Only difference is I won't delete this one. I wish you read this somehow but I don't want to be the one who'll deliver. I don't like to force you. You know right? This is better left undelivered. I wish you visit my this place again someday. Once again. This place and me, both will be elated.

    Remember I asked you to leave comments on the posts you've read silently? Just anything that came to your mind after reading it. Those comments were meant to be there for such nights when I want to feel read and understood. Haha you know that I can see future na? Well I knew you'll stop reading me someday. But I'm kinda glad you didn't waste your precious time for my stupidity. I'm so used to it now that it just doesn't matter if I'm left unread. I told you that I'm not worth reading and you denied lol. I'm also grateful for trying to keep this heart smiling when all it wanted to do is cry. It was always a pleasure to be read by you and as you wanted once, I won't stop writing ever.
    Thankyou re.

    Ketki ^_^

    PS: I know you won't read this but likh diya re. Kise pata ki... Jo hai samaa, kal ho na ho :")
    Aur pata hai... It was never about ki tu samajh paaya ya nahi but always about tune samajhna chaha ya nahi. You always tried to hehe which was more than enough ��

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