I did not wish to become like this
I wished to be everywhere,
to make every
leaf my own,
to lend you a shoulder
when the sky
was beginning to rot
under the weight of false hope
I do not know
how many storms
have taken
me home and how
many homes have left me under
the snow sliding off fir pines
I don't remember being this way
Its almost like
I have forgotten
what it feels like
to be comfortable in my skin
because somewhere
along my journey,
I met dirt and it stuck to me like
i wished you would,
and then I met thorns
and I was left
in my shattered pool of longing,
and just
when i thought I'd fallen
to the deepest ditch
I possibly could
I met the wind
and my pieces flew away,
ending up miles apart
until they
were irretrievable - i was irretrievable
I do not remember
how I came here -
to this archipelago of perpetual gloom
I am not sadistic,
But i think
i just killed
A part of me
What did you expect ?
Darling,
You will have to
fly more
than just your finger
Give more than a casual thought,
More than a heedless glance,
More than a careless breath to
Move me,
Resurrect me
What did you expect ?
I was born in this mud,
This filth is mine,
My roots feed on my insecurities
How did you think
I'd be gentle ?
When i was born in the womb
Of Destruction,
Birthed of a neutron star
And under terraces that
You avoided
I embroidered your name
In the yarn I'd spun
Did you expect
I'd not fall in love ?
Haven't you ever looked
At your rawness ?
At how you smile,
When you talk about
The things you love ?
How could i not want
To be one of those things,
When you made me belong
To more than just
The grime that was my origin
I'm ancient
But
I swear
If i saw you again
I'd start believing
In the quaint universe
I abandoned
When i was 5
Under the feathers
Of an angel yet to fly
There's something I have
Stopped looking for
Because on a day
Very like this
I'd owned it too
And a little girl sat
Staring at the cloudy caricatures
Painting me in her mind
But it was only until I flew
That I owned it
For there's something in the air
That's hostile
And in its vicinity
My dreams
Give way to afflictions
And love
Turns a shade I am
Not meant to wear
One day I'll invite
You to my table
For i want you to see war
I want you to shed tears
You'll see fragility break its bones
And let me tell you
About
the brook under your feet ~
It abounds in vivid memories
That have bled
Fiction
Guilt is the only jewellery
My folklore likes draping
And when I'm asleep
I fear
I'll never wake up
And I'm unhappy
And disturbed
By how long i can go on
If you asked me
What i don't like about myself
On most days
My rants make more sense
Than my truth
If i spill
You'll stain
For I'm the wine
That won't leave you
With a hangover
I'll hook onto
Your loneliness
And so,
I'll stay forever

//

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