What I Will Never Have
My eyes are heavy and the time is late but my mind is loud and I can not wait. So I write, I write because my voice is weak and my story heavy. The subtle nuances lost in the incoherent babbling of a mind rushing to get out. The pen affording the mind time to calm the crashing waves. I have no more tears they all fell a long time ago dried up in the desert of constant worry. An imposter to my self pretending to be strong but to what end. I try to explain that all I want is to be loved and you say that I am. I say not in that way and you say you understand. But there is no understanding here. Your understanding comes from a place of privilege, you have been loved in this way. Your self worth has already been affirmed time and time again by a partner who's love is unconditional. Forced to watch I'm surrounded by love but I have none for my self. That has been taken from me or rather stripped away from years of neglect. I trusted you. You said you loved me. Those words turned out to be empty and they remain empty for me to this day. Trust is a fragile thing the very thing you shattered when you walked out of my life. I, left with an uncertainty of why you would hurt me this way. You, gaining what I will never have.