• tengoku 39w

    29th April, 2021.
    Your second birthday, together.

    Exactly a year ago, on the same day, at around 3 AM, I started writing a birthday post for the first time. To be honest I was a bit nervous because writing prose was (is still) never easy for me. And it's nearly impossible for me to write for someone I love and admire. Tho I tried to gather everything I had to ink, in my mind and heart. I won't lie, I was smiling all the time while writing it, thinking about the smile my small present would bring on your face. I had only sweet nostalgic aroma around me at that time. I had nothing to give you honestly, except some childish words and imperfect verses. So I gifted you some moments. I stuffed pauses between lines with laughters we happily spent and filled the spaces between words with smiles we shared. I always had a void in my life for an elder sibling (being eldest sucks). And that void seemed to be filled by your presence. Did I ever tell you that even my younger sister calls you bhai?

    I remember how you helped me once to learn writing prose. You inspired me each and every time. I remember how I used to send you my poems to check before posting them. I remember your reply "bol" on my text "bhai". I remember each and every time when you helped me to get rid of some hard situations. Can I ever thank you enough for all these things? No. Doesn't matter what happens today, I would always be grateful to you for whatever you did, for me in past.
    You were always a cool brother. The coolest I should say. You never got angry on me, not even for making jokes or memes on you. Not even on making edits of your pictures. Not even for spamming your posts.
    Like an ideal elder brother. You supported me everytime. Told me what is wrong and what is right.

    Today after a year, on the same day, at the same time (writing at 3 of night), I'm writing for you again. But instead of smiles I've tears in my eyes and a weird pain in my throat. You know what bhai? I miss the night when I was writing first birthday post for you. When I was a naive sister and you were my super hero.
    We didn't talk since days now. Maybe we can't anymore, like the way we used to. I swear, it takes all of me to accept this thing. But I'd always thank universe for letting me meet a soul like you, and call you my bhai. You can't imagine how much it means to me. No, you can't. You just can't. No one can. Only my heart knows what you are to me.

    I'm writing this post for the person my first dedication post was written for. And that's for my bhai. Not for the person I and we all saw few days back. Whoever was he, I don't wish to see him again. I hate myself for holding things way too hard and denying changes. I still hope that everything would be same, happy like before. I miss old days.

    Pardon me for being so silly and stupid. I never wanted to hurt your feelings.
    I just don't want a blot to ruin everything, we both have cherished so far.
    I still love and respect bhai.  

    Rooh se behti huyi dhoon ya ishare de
    Kuch mere raaz tere raaz awara se

    Kho gaye hum kahan
    Rangon sa ye jahan

    Tedhe mede raaste hain
    Jaaduyi imaaratein hain
    Main bhi hoon tu bhi hai yahaan

    Khoyi soyi sadkon pe
    Sitaron ke kandhon pe
    Hum naachte udte hain yahaan

    So gayi hain ye saanse sabhi
    Adhoori si hai kahani meri

    Phisal jaaye bhi toh darr na koi
    Ruk jaane ki zaroorat nahi

    Kagaz ke parde hain
    Taale hain darwazo pe
    Paani mein doobe huwe
    Khwab alfazon ke

    Kho gaye hum kahan
    Rangon sa ye jahan

    Happiest birthday bhai.
    I know I ruined your b'day post this year.
    मला माफ करा भाई :")

    #firstandlastlongpost #HBDP

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    Even poetry can't fathom,
    how many scars he hide in the
    depth of his heart.