This is for no one but you, all of this I'm gonna spill here.
The biggest fears of my life are my bonds with people, I'm afraid to know that they believe on my lies more than my reality. My lies? Lies of being fine, lies of smiles I fake, lies of happiness. Questions have their ends as answers, what is the end of happiness? They give birth to another set of sadness for being all caught up in this mess again. Sometimes I feel bad for misery, I lend them somedays to breathe, and then happiness comes, the worst part with happiness is that it is fake. The best thing with this feeling of dejection is that it's easy to carry because I've been exposed to it for a very long time and now it's good to carry this on my shoulders as they are my responsibilities.
They ask me to be the same and never change, I should tell them that everything is toneless and dynamic in its own way but they don't believe, they believe on lies, because it's hard to live with the truth.
Today, it has been six days since I have smiled a smile full of life, I loved being alive but now being more than anything what matters to me is suffering from walking corpse syndrome. I know that this feels weird but I can't run from the reality.
Everyone gets knocked down sometimes, but you always go deeper and deeper. And one day I'll have to dive deep in the bottoms of the faded sea to get your soul outta here. Every person has his own modus operandi of dying, I died becoming words for my feelings. Now, I'm just a ghost roaming around.
Someone long ago, said to me, of course that "someone" was very close to me (was hurts) and that someone said " , , " I didn't have an answer at that time, but now I do have one.
I didn't know if it was normal for others to see a corpse walkin with no feelings, only some stupid questions in head. I didn't want them to leave and break me in zillion pieces and laugh at my abnormalities, therefore, I left loving them before they left. I am still afraid, I am a fickle minded person, I'm more of a sunset person, I'm more of an empty person.
And here, My head has started collapsing and now It's the only closest thing I could still get to feel recovered.