• _lost_words 33w

    I have always been fascinated by the idea of knowing new people like there are people I want to meet, I want to talk to, but I lack the courage or maybe it's the fear, of them not wanting the same, like what if they don't want to meet me or talk to me.
    I have always hesitated.
    I want to ask them if they had a good day or was it just fine? What was that one thing that kept them going, does me asking it makes it any easier, I know it doesn't but I still want to ask them.
    I want to ask them how they have been feeling lately, do they have someone who recommends them songs they can listen to, or do they receive a letter recently or do they get a call from someone just to ask them, how has it been lately?
    I want to thank people who gave me new songs, or the ones whose writing made me feel a little warm, or whose art in any form made my heart go calm but I don't do that often.
    I barely call upon people I know, I barely check upon them, barely ask them if they are doing fine, or writes them letters I want to, but I barely check upon myself these days. Time just passes by, days change into weeks, and I just sit in my room and think of doing all this and then rant about it when I can't.

    Maybe these are all things I just want to think about doing and not actually do them, and you know just acknowledging this thought just sends a shiver down my spine.
    I don't understand how my mind works, it is full of confusion and contradictions in itself.
    I don't understand what I have become lately.