• illicit_skunk 19w

    self talk after pot brownies

    September 15, 2021
    two hours and four minutes past noon

    I was never written about.
    never the muse
    but the possessor of a mind so obtuse
    that I wrote all the obsession out of me
    until there was none left.
    layers of iron laden water
    stood still in my basement,
    in the buckets and the washbasins
    creating an obscene tune of utter stagnancy.
    but I had to return
    leaving the momentary escape behind
    to scrape the stubborn rust stains
    off the wet floor.

    this beginning tastes different
    and I have a delta attached
    to the left of my soul;
    and to whatever is left of this soul.
    I was led on and on to dead ends
    only to breakthrough and make way;
    to sit back and breathe in solace.
    with my perspective, everything has changed.
    I'm the strongest when alone
    with the fresh mountain air speeding past
    and thrashing against my face;
    peeling off all the masks that I've ever worn.
    there's something rough and fierce
    about honesty and tenderness;
    about loving with all your heart
    and bending till you break.
    but I choose to channelize that love towards myself
    because I've seen myself standing alone
    against the worst of times
    when people were too busy
    hurting, blaming and accusing me;
    when they were too busy
    drowning shoulder deep in self pity
    and using it as an excuse
    to do what they did.
    but i have forgiven myself
    and everyone I've come across.
    I've chosen to walk out of the dark places.
    I'm not looking for love.
    for, if it's there, it'll find it's way to me.
    I refuse to be consumed by trivialities.

    I'm waiting on miracles
    and I believe in magic
    and the fact that smiles heal us.
    I'm ready for massive changes,
    prepared to combat any darkness that stands in my way.
    I have never been written about
    but will soon be -
    in history and in the minds of masses
    who would look up to me
    and say, "if she could, I can too."