• chemotherapy 76w

    an update:

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    wake up and the bed feels empty. the sheets still smell of you, and the divot in which your body laid is still evident. i can feel your feet tangled with mine and where my hands were on your body. the pillow is cold, and i can't hear your breathing. i can't feel the warmth of you. i reach out a try to grasp for you, trying to tell you to come back somehow. i lay in my bed for days trying to hold on to any thought of you i can. come back to me please. please

    it doesn't feel right to walk without you, or even talk, or be alive for that matter. everything feels so dull and dry. i can't cry anymore. my chest feels sticky, tight, and heavy now. is it pathetic that i still think about how your hand feels around mine? i can't touch or look at anything without being reminded of you, so i don't. i've shut off my whole body so i can forget about you. it doesn't work. it never works. i just want you to come back to me please. please.

    i don't wanna stop thinking of you. what else am i supposed to do? i just wanna wait for you to change your mind. i want you to realize you still want me. i know you don't, but its the thought that keeps me alive. the walls are so blank, life is so blank, i am so blank without you. hold me so i can feel again. you have taken everything from me. give it back to me. come back to me. i need you to want me. i need you. please hear me. please come back. please.