• sheikhaehsann 88w

    Dear first love!

    My red t-shirt got stained
    and i opened cupboard looking for new one,
    suddenly my fingers touched a piece cloth , it's so mushy and it beholds smell of honey and i picture i have kissed it infinite times.
    Feeling of curiosity and happiness, feeling of unconsciousness and assumptions,
    at last all i could do was hold breath assumed that i found something from past.
    i could not keep my nerves down I pulled it out! and it's that vary blue coloured cotton t-shirt , that you parcled me on our first date
    and it bought emotion of boat's running fast from north pole of my soul , and storming into my bed engulfing me , and opening all closed windows of my skin . Fire powering my little mind and body to remember you,
    remember the lover of blooming april , and fantabulous june,
    after remembering you all of your day's , i thought to write you a letter!

    Dear first love!
    Firstly i hope you are dancing well with life ,
    hoping your cheeks to be red and lips laughing always like music,
    hoping all your wishes ,and dreams have turned rainbow coloured now.

    dear first love you know i am frozen at same four way road where you left me , i see every day people running in all directions but my eyes are stuck on lane where from you left without goodbye , laughing on my words and love, I try to unlove you , i try to forget your eyes , but i fail ,and i see all poems singing you can't unlove your love. It's so awkward that after so many season's , so many month's , i am in dilemma that you will come with rain's ,and hug my bones tight , you will wash my scars ,and injuries ,you will come with snow carresing on my skin and extinguish the fire that my body suffers

    See how cheesed i am , i still write you ,and me as us, i still buy two coffee's , and
    it's strange that i feel your palm striking with mine ,and fingers gluing all voids ,and dint's of heart ,i feel you singing me
    green day song's when thoughts turn me grey,
    how can i feel your presence when you haven't hold my arm's from autumn and ages.

    You know in our first meetings i used to run Jupiter and mars dancing , humming poems .
    I used to feel you as moon ,and i used to stay all long night's outside on cold grass gazing you, loving you ,and thier is poem in my cupborad where i wrote " my beloved i sit on this window , holding you in my eyes and arm's ,and i re brushed my eyes with your strawberries lips , and chest with tales of your tongue .

    Hope you remember i once told you , we are butterflies , hold me when we fly , I don't trust my wings i trust you ,if i fall catch ,hold me ,save me , but you turned so opposite to that, and i kind of hate myself that i pen adoration for my opressor , one who hold my fingers to battlefield, and when i pinpointed my arrow on opponent , her devilish hands stabbed me with knifes, and smiled while seeing my blood drowning under her boots.

    you know i often feel you are on my shoulder, i see you holding my chin up asking me to laugh and laugh whenever i sit infront of mirror , but how long is forever for me it's that i look back and you aren't thier .
    you are playing black magic tricks with me ,
    you sing some verse, and hunt me with your eyes ,and i am so much into to you that i follow you insanely into ruins.

    And sometimes when my lips don't taste pills
    ,and throat don't ache in smell of wine , those day's i feel your memories choking me like enemy , your words bulleting my chest ,and lips digging voids in my ribcage ,and my soul blasts open into halves while i cry your name.

    If you visit me some day , you will see all my rooms , and cupboards are filled with metaphors and poems for you , and there are around hundred letter's painted on my heart with knives , spelling your name as art and your body as poetry !.

    And after you departed i tried everything ,
    overdosing , vodka, whiskey , and all drugs' to run , to fly away from your city , and when i get tried of trying i try to hold pillow on my mouth to seal these last breaths of mine which breaths for you.

    And you know i shifted myself to disgraced zone after you left , sometime i was uncounciousnsss wandering with you ,and teacher throwing chalk telling me i can't be good student , sometimes in cafe I started talking to myself like you are on my opposite seat talking and i end up laughing loudly ,and people looking gazing me voiced this boy is he mental unfit to live.

    And sometimes i feel no life vibrating on my lips , no breaths crossing my throat , no rain making my dried skin wet , i feel i am sleeping in room of miseries ,and i can float out only when my veins get sliced , hairless leg's get hit with knives ,when blood rushes out on carpet ,then life will rest in peace too.

    After you left i knocked every door , every window asking people home me ,and help me.
    I tried to start conversation with stranger in bus , but they never responded my agony,
    i tried to compromise with people ,
    i tried to entreat people , but i see no one holds me to long lonely evening nights.

    After you left i visit every place , i tasted every thing , I tried everything, which once you told me is your favourites , i often tell these lane's did she ever visited back,
    did she told you my address?
    i often tell flowers did she came back?
    did she buy lililes for me?

    You know i don't eat ice creams , i feel and wish you will come hold my palm, and paste the white vanilla on my cheeks , and then softly lick that ,and whisper darling this is my favourite fruit.

    I often sit alone on crowded places , so silly of me to think that it won't be diffcult for you to me find me , you will see from the corner of cafe and loudly voice me beloved i was so lonesome without you.

    And i repeatedly travel to past season's , to day's where we start fading away from each other's feet's , I look From south to west where i went wrong , where you felt i loved you less, where you found someone has better taste in music , where you found you don't love me know ,

    After you left i kept all your letters , Poem's , picture's in my body ,in my room ,in my home,
    i started to feel you in rain ,and run out of windows to dance in with you ,i feel it pour with your perfume , with you love .

    After you left i am here still waiting for you!
    ©sheikhaehsann

    ,@writersnetwork,

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    when my mother saw my lips trembling with some internal force, she told me " son love is magic trick it will haunt you , trap you and leave you at place where no escape will be seen.
    ©sheikhaehsann