• _lost_words 92w

    it's almost over an hour
    i have been sitting in the living room,
    staring at the walls,
    with these voices in my head.
    and it makes me wonder,
    how all these things,
    make perfect sense in my head,
    but as i try to pen them down,
    it just changes into a mess,
    an alphabet there, some words here.
    some incomplete sentences,
    some leftover punctuations!
    kind of like my life so far,
    unsaid things, broken promises,
    leftover feeling, incomplete sleep?

    i wonder,
    as i scratch my pain
    through these words, paragraphs,
    why do people find them beautiful?
    and i swear when i write them,
    sometimes it chokes my breath
    so, i pray to the Almighty,
    for being independent,
    so independent that i no longer,
    need air to breathe!
    aren't the disappointments enough to breathe?

    i try to avert from this,
    and go to the balcony
    to see the stars bleed,
    painting the sky with shades of blue,
    and with time shades of black,
    and then slowly disappearing
    like they never existed!
    like wishes?

    I'm staring at the sky, still.
    and thinking of painting,
    paper being my canvas,
    and my words being the color.
    i complete it.
    and as i look at it,
    i wonder, why people say?
    my paintings reflect the shades of their lives,
    resonating with the dullness,
    cause all i use is bits of blacks,
    over grey and white.

    i distract myself,
    by looking for the moon.
    i have always been fond of the moon,
    it has always been a friend of mine,
    we share plain silence,
    we have often tried talking,
    like in words
    but never actually did,
    always felt like silence
    is more beautiful,
    how things unsaid and unspoken
    tends to drift people apart,
    but in this made us more close.

    i have always found silence comforting,
    it speaks volumes,
    it has screams hidden in it,
    laughter bursting out,
    intimacies blended,
    and much more.

    and i think,
    silence has its own damn language,
    which we all know,
    and don't know,
    at the same time!
    and it's really hard,
    finding this comfort,
    of being able to share long silence
    with some human,
    fortunately i found it once.
    but then again,
    humans are not permanent.
    i hope you do too,
    may that be for a while only.