• godofsmallmusings 157w

    After a while. Read?
    22:09
    14/01/19

    #writersnetwork #pod #readwriteunite #mirakee

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    Kafkaesque

    it has been a long while
    waiting for the rosy fingers
    of the morning sun
    to caress my face

    i am being constantly shaken
    in my own multidimensional delirium

    and forgotten
    as if a whisper in a sigh--
    i am shipwrecked
    on a remote island from where
    no one can save me

    i am a perfectionist--
    odd figures give me sleepless nights
    so do incomplete tasks--
    the half-way's
    the in-between's
    the almost's

    the bass has to be set at 69--
    68 is too low
    70, too high

    my coffee has to be boiling hot--
    i need the aroma spread around me
    like a blanket
    before i can drink it

    i always start walking
    right foot first
    and i won't take
    another step forward
    if i felt my shoe-laces
    were getting loose

    i am a visionary
    at least i think i am
    but am i?
    i don't know
    maybe i am just pompous

    i guess i am lost
    i guess i have always been
    or maybe i have been lost ever since
    i heard the word "LI-BER-ATION"

    trying to explain what i feel
    is like a grammatical error
    trying to seduce literature

    my thoughts--
    they triangulate around honeybees
    around cigarette smoke

    my dreams--
    they are like the twisted
    mesh of earphones
    i don't even care to untangle anymore

    i am bluntly equivocal
    i am optimistically unhappy
    i showcase normalcy
    but yearn for eccentricity

    my subconscious knows
    that I am pretending
    i don't trust it much though
    but maybe, just maybe,
    i don't pretend

    i am a hole in the universe
    from which darkness
    spills out like tar--
    spreading like liquid ache
    in the bodies of those who touch me

    so loneliness is one of my
    closest relatives
    so i have developed a tendency
    to act alone
    so i seek refuge and solitude
    in my own concept of happiness

    i am the hallmark
    of individualism

    i have sleepless nights
    when i think of my failures

    when i am tired
    i sleep forgetting everything
    then i wake up--
    my inner self scratch free

    i am a hybrid
    of all human emotions
    juxtaposed

    i advise people
    in their troubled times
    yet i am unable to tackle
    my own problems

    my subconscious
    again doubts my ability
    to advise others
    though i do not trust it
    its correctness will forever be
    independent of my judgment

    i will never know
    if my subconscious is right
    all i know is that
    it's my own unique subconscious

    we may not be unique
    we may be reflections of each other
    but the subconscious
    works differently for everyone

    but this time
    it's someone else
    it's not me
    it's a reflection
    what my subconscious wants to be

    this is not real
    it's not happening
    what you are reading is not real
    i am not real
    this subconscious is not real
    or is it?

    the truth is as terrible as death
    only harder to find
    but i have nowhere to go
    nowhere to be
    i live on this island
    and this island--
    it lives in me
    i am being constantly shaken
    in my own multidimensional delirium

    it has been a long while
    waiting for the rosy fingers
    of the morning sun to caress my face;

    ©godofsmallmusings