• aaditya 154w

    They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate
    It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go
    Your eyes, they shine so bright, I want to save their light
    I can't escape this now, unless you show me how

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    I have loved you.

    I have dreamt of raising little version of you. I have dreamt of living your childhood in her, because I was unable to do so.

    I have dreamt of looking deep into the little you and the stars in her eyes, just like you have.

    That smile is yours. That cute yawn that she takes when she is sleepy. God! That is so you.
    Look at her troubling me already. Wasn't this your habit? That naughty smile? Isn't she your xerox?

    That nose is mine. Our baby shows you to me.

    The way she curls her tiny fingers around me reminds me how you did it long time back. Though, first you hesitated then that yes-no yes-no moment lead into the most beautiful touch I ever felt.

    Have you counted the number of times we talked about the first conversation we had?

    Every time you placed your head softly on my chest early morning, I have wondered if the sun rises just because he wants to kiss your face. The calmness you show every time with eyes closed- I have dreamt of coming that home everyday.

    I have dreamt of making you smile in your terrible mood swings. Those flaws are perfections for me, I always said.

    You said "I can't love you. I don't believe in love. Let us just move on and build life out of this love."

    I was shattered. And I started watching my castle of dreams fall. The castle where I was alone.

    And one day out of the blue you said-
    "I was afraid of love that time. I would want us to marry and let the world know of our love. I want our love to be celebrated just like festival."

    Though there was no chance that I will say no but still a teardrop leapt from my eyes and I nodded yes because I couldn't speak at that moment.

    I danced like a small child who dances on first rain of the season.
    Finally I had you.

    It was not just me.
    Every part of me had you in it.

    My fingers have dreamt of roaming freely all over your naked back, making you speechless as I enter your soul. And then your mind. And then watching you sleep peacefully into my embrace.

    My eyes have dreamt of cherishing the moment when you dry your wet hair every Sunday morning. What a sight to behold!

    My lap have dreamt of making you sleep there every time you fought with your demons alone, every time your past haunted you. My tiny lap had got big dreams too.

    My hands have dreamt of holding you every time we walked outside of home so that you always feel home.

    My toes have dreamt of you. Of pinching you with them while lying opposite to you while you reading a book.

    When you said "I dream of you when I don't see you." Those dreams of me jumped in joy.
    Let it be.
    But every part of me, my soul and mind has dreamt of you.

    But now since the dreams are shattered, home is burnt and you wanna leave. I can't let you go because I love you.

    But when the news was broke, those dreams of mine died a sudden death and got cremated with your departing memories. With me in them.

    Time heals everything, everyone say, but they never tell the duration of that time and the demons we fight alone during that time.

    Now I have one work to do. I have to convince my fingers. My eyes. My lap. My toes. I should tell them it was all an illusion which faded with time.

    A fragile fantasy.

    Go. You have your world. But you will take mine with you.

    Letting go of someone you love is the greatest portrayal of perseverance. Of courage. Of patience. Of pain.

    And of love.

    ©aaditya