• illicit_skunk 18w

    typewriter 404

    I should buy myself a typewriter 

    but I am leaving this apartment

    and striding out into the unknown

    with no money. 

    it might turn out to be 

    just like my grandfather's story 

    when he left home at fifteen;

    left his mother behind 

    who died shortly after;

    left with almost no money

    and became a soldier in the Indian Navy. 

    he once told me that no one 

    but his mother

    had loved him

    and that I look like her.

    I didn't know I loved him then;

    I love him now

    but he's gone. 

    maybe he left a little of him in me

    and maybe that will be enough to carry me through whatever lies ahead. 


    when I look around, 

    I see no one

    who would hold the parts of me

    that are falling apart. 

    they'd rather dust 

    my crumbs off their shoulders

    and make sure I - 

    nevermind. 

    who would build with me

    and cut out a little on the ecstasy

    when they have the leisure to be melancholy? 

    luxury sinks deeper than a beast's fangs

    and love is but an abstract noun. 

    I have been dragged past all these

    Ls

    and made to believe that

    I am undeserving of them. 

    there's a new centaur in the stable

    aiming for the fish's eye

    and in all probability 

    has shot mine. 

    little does he know

    I'm resistant

    to all these archers

    and their ephemeral love. 

    I'll play along 

    while the sweat runs over 

    my open wounds

    in the scorching battlefield;

    thirsty for something

    that makes my ink run wild

    under a new moon in September. 


    I had my blood raging 

    against the emotional unavailability

    until I became the very devil

    I dreaded past three

    in the morning. 


    though leaving 

    after everyone has left me behind

    makes no sense, 

    I won't stay back to watch

    those old nightmares being projected 

    on these very walls 

    that I've finally managed to erect. 

    I'll also buy a typewriter

    and smash my head with it. 

    ©illicit_skunk