The sad romance
I am smiling....am I really doing so
Is it just a smile or a curtain on my sorrow.
Pondering over it over and over again
I really get frustrated thinking what will I gain.
But still this thought doesn't seem to leave my mind
With every passing moment I get more & more entwined.....
Sometimes tossing on my bed I visit my gory past
Which was a fairytale until the shadow it had cast.
We were strangers and I wish we would have been so
As that was better than to befriend a person who still remained a stranger though.
Little did I know that the friendship which I had started to value ,
Will leave an ugly impression which would never bid adieu.
The strings of friendship got tied between us,
With a tinge of love.
That hue became vibrant as days passed
Then a day came when we together fell in LOVE!
Then one fine day sitting on my bed, a fear crippled in my mind
Whether I would be loyal to him throughout my lifetime?
Seeing him fall so deeply in love
I had started getting goosebumps!
But his unflinching trust, love & care
Left no reason for me to leave him in the middle of life's thoroughfare.
He cuddled me like his baby, cared for me as if he were my mom,
Scolded me like my dad, corrected me like my friend.
I would never have asked for anything more
As he was the one I had been looking for.
But our fate had different plans for us,
As he left me alone with hopeful eyes filled with tears.
Those deadly days will never leave me alone
Even if they have been bygones.
He was disturbed for the lost love of his past
And me shedding tears for my present whom I dearly loved.
I saw him frustrated, heard him sobbing,
With all my patience I stood beside him.
It was not that easy as it seemed to be
To support him at a time when I knew he was not in love with me.
But I did as it was more pinching to see him in tears
That was the time which brought alive my all inhibitions & fears.
I rubbed his tears but none to rub mine
I gave him my shoulders to cry but didn't even get an ear into which I could cry & whine.
Broken, shattered & with a complete wayward soul
Still kept my calm for him so that he never feels alone.
Those days really tested my patience & love for him
But everything went in vain when he backed out of the dreams that we weaved.
He left me with a big void in my life, a hell lot of memories
Which both kindled pain & a smile.
The smile was short lived,
As he said to me,' I am sorry for my misdeed.'
'I gravely mistook my feelings for u as love
As they were just a distraction from my past.'
'Yes my care for u wasn't fake
But my heart beats only for my former mistress.
She really means the world to me
I can't be with u leaving her in this jeopardy.
I thought I loved u, will move on with you,
But the moment which unfurled my buried emotions,
Made me realize that those lovable hues
Were not love but a desperation to move on from my past.'
'U can hate me, u can love me
It's your decision,I would accept it politely.
But I have tried my best to be with you
Still failed miserably to erase those former hues.
It was indeed a grave mistake of mine,
To make you fall in love with me & now leave you to whine.'
Saying this seemed so easy for him
Maybe he didn't even notice my tears & the pain in me.
I was stricken by a thundering streak of grief
Which crushed my already frozen heart which had stopped to beat.
That was the end, the death of my emotions
The death which gave birth to sorrow & frustration.
The smile of my face faded, the laughter fell silent,
My love for him grew stronger but he had already gone much farther.
Still the thread of friendship was intact
I wanted to be with him as his peer & his friend.
But that string too got swayed away,
When he started to fill those spaces with hues of grey.
I felt his ignorance slap against my face
His imprints started fading away with great pace.
I just wanted to ask him what my fault was,
As he acted like I was the reason for his bad luck.
Needless to say that I was completely broken,
But the wishes of my dear ones kept my soul awaken.
Specially my friends were a stalwart support
At a time when I had felt it even hard to gather my soul.
They made me realize that there was more to life
More important than to cry for a person who left me in an emotional strife.
I gathered courage, consoled my heart
That it's not worth suffering for a person who had torn me apart.
This doesn't mean that I had killed my love for you,
But it's just that I had realised my inner hues.
Those very hues which I had buried,
Somewhere within from where it's escape ur sorrow forbids.
The flame of love hasn't extinguished yet,
Even after those sufferings with which I really met.
U know in my quest to overcome you,
I fall more & more in love with you.
Those moments which have become a regret for you,
Still lingers in my mind as OUR lovable hues.
But don't you worry, just be happy, I will surely forget you
Still can't assure you rather me that I would erase those hues.
Every corner of me reminds of you even my smile even my cry
See even now you occupy my thoughts
That I penned down a poem,
Even when those memories make my heart rot.
I wish I never meet you again in my life,
Not that because it would place me into another strife.
To be honest the reason in actual terms
I wouldn't be able to see you with another girl in your arms.