You know, there's a song in my playlist, that's stayed there for years now. It's the song I skip all the time, and tell myself - not today, just not today. My thumb hovers over the play button as my mind whispers "Don't go there, not again", I clutch my fist in dismay and lay back on the pillow.
A few white threads on the sheet take me back to a distant memory. "Why won't you look me in the eye, hey, are you blushing? Your cheeks look flushed!" "I'm certainly far from blu-- " I burst into giggles. "Stop playing with those threads, look at me, will you?" "I'm going to close my eyes and play a song, lie down with me, and listen, and maybe, just maybe, I'd look into your eyes."
My phone vibrated on my palm and I suddenly sat up to realise that my face had gone warm from a couple of tears sliding down my cheek. I wiped them with my hand, without paying much heed to the all the itch on my arm from all that silver I run on it.
I lay back and repeat your words in my mind, whilst I absent mindedly scratch my arm. Of all that was said and done, my mind would usually go back to why you caused the damage you did. But today, I wanted you to overburden me with all that you could.
You remind me of that song, because you make me feel the need to walk past you and look past you. You make me feel weak in the bones. My heart has never felt more compelled than what you make it feel for forcing my body to zone out, lest I hear you.
I am cursed with a heart like this, so I'll look away in silence, whilst I pretend that my heart is not heavy and my cup is not full.