Usually when I am writing my heart out, I don’t feel weighed down. My heart feels relieved, as if it is at peace seeing me face my emotions and getting rid of all the anxiety that these uneasy times bring to me however today, as I am writing this, I feel compacted. I feel like the world is deliberately trying to crush the little hope that is left in me. I’ve been strong, so have my people. The kind of support I’ve received and learnt to give parallels my patience through every adversity and this was one of those times when I felt like the world wanted to reward me for staying put and not losing hope. One year of doing things that do not make sense, aimlessly fueling my mind with good thoughts and hopes for a better tomorrow only to realise that it is all supposed to come crashing down and hit where it hurts the most. Tears come in spurts and I break down so often that I forget the last time I wiped my face. My skin feels like a blank canvas for emotions that do not find a translation in words. I try too hard to map everything that goes in my head but today, today I am too tired to try. The words that I am scared of the most are coming to haunt me because they are all I can think of right now. Everything is changing, happening so soon, I wish I had the time to pause everything and change it. I wish it got easier from today. I wish I had more time, just a little more time because if there was one thing I could ask my God, it would be just a few more days with you.
//one of those days when I realise that no finite number of days will ever be enough because my love for you goes far beyond