ponygirl0902

(19) joined January 31st 2018.

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  • ponygirl0902 10w

    From my corazón
    My dear
    I’m so sorry
    I tried sincerely
    To write a fairytale

    To write a dream which I can escape to
    A place with happiness and joy
    With people that love and respect me
    A dream world where there’s no
    Anxiety
    Sadness
    Depression
    Bullying
    Humiliation
    My utopia of happiness

    I truly tried
    To escape In a fairytale
    With blind happiness
    To make a facade and pretend I’m okay
    So that I can continue to go on
    Because what does everyone say
    It will get better as time goes on?

    I tried to hold onto that
    To believe in that saying
    That there’s light at the end
    I feel it’s a lie though

    I found that
    I couldn’t stay
    I couldn’t hold on
    Because as it turns out
    I loved you a little more than I loved myself
    Didn’t love myself enough to try more

    It turns out that
    Keeping up appearances can be tiring
    Because everyone around you
    believes this false version of yourself
    But you keep up the appearance
    Because you just so afraid people won’t like the real you
    Because the last time you got close
    It only burnt you and hurt you

    I pretend I’m happy
    I’m popular
    Great at school
    And great relationship with my parents
    I pretend, when I’m reality
    I’m a lone girl and a familiar song

    Sad songs because
    I’m not happy
    I’m lonely at home, school, and work
    I struggle with school
    And nobody home to help
    With no parents that care

    There’s one thing people fail to remember
    You turn a page and touch another life
    Every single action you take
    Every word you say
    It can change someone
    I’ve learned that all to well

    Everyone at school hates me
    Bullying and humiliation
    Everyone at work despises me
    Belittled and hated
    Everyone at home ignores me
    Forgotten and alone


    I tried for so long to hold on
    To just keep going
    But everything just kept happening
    Everyone just kept hurting me
    Each second
    And each day that went by
    My will to carry on kept dwindling
    My dear
    What died before death?
    My will
    My soul
    My happiness
    My life

    I’m so sorry
    My dear
    That I couldn’t create my fairytale
    I tried sincerely
    And I hope I don’t regret
    the moment between saying goodbye and leaving

    Because this is my goodbye
    And I can’t take it back
    Now that I’m leaving…

  • ponygirl0902 10w

    Is there an answer In those blank pages?
    One I haven’t found yet
    Is it hidden in between the lines
    In tiny lettering
    Is it written In special ink so that only I see it
    Is there an answer
    That maybe you just haven’t written yet?

    Is it that I just haven’t looked hard enough?
    Even though I’ve scanned every inch of these blank pages
    Could it be I’m just missing something

    Is there an answer in those blank pages that you gave me?
    A reason
    An answer
    An explanation
    For all the actions you did
    And the hurt you caused
    If there is
    I don’t see it
    It’s not written

    But maybe that’s just it
    You don’t have a reason
    An answer
    Or an explanation
    For everything you did
    You just did it because you could
    Because you couldn’t help it right?

    I mean
    There isn’t even a sorry written on these pages
    There just blank
    Because what would an “ I’m sorry” even do
    It wouldn’t fix things
    Because I don’t believe you’re sorry
    I don’t believe you regret it
    And I don’t believe you wouldn’t do it again

    So with these blank pages
    With your obvious silence
    Maybe it gives me my answer after all

    Could it be the answer I’m looking for
    Is those blank pages
    Your lack of response
    Your lack of ability to even try
    Maybe that’s my answer
    That I should take this as a hint
    To just move on
    To just forget about this all
    To finally realize you aren’t worth my time
    Because if you can’t even take the time
    To give me a simple response
    Then maybe I don’t need your answers

    Maybe by not answering you’ve given me everything I need to know

  • ponygirl0902 10w

    Happy lies

    I am painting my nights with happy lies
    Relishing in my distorted sense of reality
    Grasping onto a version of my life
    That was painted and created as a means of escape
    Escape from the reality
    Escape from what’s real
    Created from the lies that I’ve told myself
    I’m happy
    I’m fine
    Painted to make my days and nights seem joyful
    Painted with happy lies I tell myself
    So I don’t notice how truly sad I am
    Painted with happy lies
    So that anyone looking in
    Will see this fabricated happy version that’s been created for all to see

    I am painting my nights with happy lies
    In order to hide the sad truths

  • ponygirl0902 16w

    Doing it very late but here’s my take on one of @miraquill prompts

    Started mine with - endings are not always as peaceful as sunsets

    @poetrydelivery @shegram @miraquill @writersnetwork #ceesreposts @rayaan @bluepuppy01

    Read More

    Endings are not always as peaceful as sunsets
    Beginnings are not as beautiful as sunrises
    And journeys aren’t as painless as they are portrayed

    And I always though that if I could’ve erased the past
    Erased how we started
    Everything you destroyed
    Everything you’d tarnished
    Would’ve been glued back together
    That maybe they never would’ve broken

    I thought that maybe if things could’ve been done differently
    Everything wouldn’t have been left so fragile and breakable
    That if things had been different
    Then maybe things would be better

    Because things could’ve been better than that right?
    I could’ve had a better beginning
    One without as much pain
    Then my journey would’ve been less painful
    And our ending wouldn’t be left with this unsettling silence
    wouldn’t have ended with words unsaid

    But if our beginning had been more beautiful
    And our journey less painful
    And our ending more peaceful
    How would I have changed?
    Ive thought about this a lot
    How things being different could’ve changed me

    For starters
    Your morals
    I don’t agree with them at all
    If we’d stayed with each other during our journey
    I could’ve come to side with your morals
    And honestly, I despise that idea

    Your lack of respect or general caring for others
    I feel would’ve made me into a worse human being
    My caring for others feelings is something I deeply care about
    I try my hardest not to hurt others
    And be there to fix things if I do
    While you leave other to pick up the pieces from your mistakes

    Your work ethic isn’t something I strive for
    I want to work to achieve something
    I want to help people in their lives
    Not sleep at home all day
    Staying with you could’ve changed that

    You could’ve made me let go of my dreams just to make you happy
    And letting go of my future plans just because it doesn’t suit you
    Isn’t something I wanted to do

    And I know for a fact
    I don’t want to be the type of parent you are
    I don’t want to lead in your example

    Everything about me could’ve changed
    Probably would’ve changed
    The family, friends, and life I have would’ve been vastly different

    Endings are not always as peaceful as sunsets
    Beginnings are not as beautiful as sunrises
    And journeys aren’t as painless as they are portrayed
    But ours, it was perfect for us.
    I like who I am now.
    I like my life.

    And continuing or changing our story
    I would’ve compromised my self
    And despite the pain of what went down between us
    That isn’t something I’m willing to do.
    Just for a chance at a different result





    ©ponygirl902

  • ponygirl0902 24w

    Buckle up buddy

    You’re kidding, right?
    Didn’t think it'd go this way?
    Didn't think she’d turn this way?
    Shocking

    Well buddy boy you better buckle up
    This is going to be one hell of a storm you hadn't prepared for

    Every day she was labeled as
    irrational
    angry
    confused
    disgusted
    shy
    battered
    You conditioned her to only accept you
    To only believe you
    Your speech uttering poison into her mind
    How could you?

    She's heard it all before
    “Smile”
    “Be happy”
    Everyone telling her it's “too hot for sweaters”
    Rumors circulating that maybe she
    Couldn't handle life after college
    That she was just a spoiled girl with attitude
    She was isolated from all

    Angry
    And drunk
    And hostile
    Your hands went where they weren't allowed
    Confused and dazed she couldn't fight
    You uttered words that shouldn't have been said
    You hurt her in ways you
    should've and could've stopped
    You promised her you were helping her learn
    To be a good person
    How dare you.

    Your “love” and “kindness” left
    Tears
    Bruises
    Anger
    Hate
    Sadness
    And cracks inside her soul

    If anyone were to confront her
    and just peel back the opening of the reinforced coating on her heart
    It would yield prints of an intruder inside
    She doesn’t let anyone get a glimpse into the
    scattered mysteries of her past and present

    Never lets anyone see the dark under her eyes she covers with makeup
    Never lets anyone see the lines on her arms
    That reminds her she's still alive
    Doesn't let anyone hear the nightmares that plague her all night
    Doesn't let anyone hear her silent pleas
    Because you threatened?
    You poisoned her mind to believe
    She wasn't worth help?

    Well like I said you better buckle up buddy boy
    Your illusion of love and kindness was broken
    Her silent pleas that she prayed people wouldn't hear
    Reached kind souls
    Her friends you'd pushed aside
    Are here for her aid
    The hope that long diminished
    Is being replenished

    you've robbed her of the
    innocence
    pure joy
    everlasting love
    kindness
    that you should've been
    that you could've been

    don't worry about that though because
    whether she weathers through everything alone
    with cracks and bruises aligned in her heart
    or needs picked up off the floor by helping hands
    While she breaks

    Your attempts at darkening a persons soul
    Your attempts at bruising the person you should've loved
    Your attempts at making yourself feel superior

    THEY FAILED

    It'll be a hard journey but she will recover
    and she will do it without your “help”
    She will be happier
    and forever be a better person than you

    So go wallow in your own personal hell you created
    Nobody’s in a hurry to rescue you
    And nobody ever will.
    ©ponygirl902

  • ponygirl0902 40w

    Hey, how’s everyone’s day/night?

    Possible Trigger ⚠️


    @poetrydelivery @shegram @mirakee @writersnetwork #ceesreposts #shrutiwari @bluepuppy01 @john_solomon

    Read More

    Words bled in the ocean of his sorrow
    Waves clashed against the ships on the water
    The light is impaired and destroyed by the storm clouds
    A deep sense of loneliness is cast against the ships
    As whispering voices floated through the waters
    “You’re not good enough.”
    “You’re too emotionless.”
    “You won’t amount to anything.”
    The waves damage the boats as every hasty and bad decision is made
    1 cut
    2 cut
    3 cut
    4 cut
    1 wave
    2 waves
    3 waves
    And 4
    The sunlight is wiped away as tears are shed from the feelings of despair
    The ocean of his sorrow is flooded with damaging insults
    The ocean of his sorrow is casted with the acts these words caused
    The ocean of his sorrow casts a dark forecast over the bright sunlight
    His beliefs that there way be a brighter day somewhere
    are smothered by the overwhelming words that bleed into the ocean
    His acts are getting hastier and reaching far more drastic
    His ships are being smothered by all the negative
    He fears that by the time he asks for help
    They’ll be too far down their sinkhole of sorrow to be heard
    before it’s too late

  • ponygirl0902 43w

    My post for my #sixwordch1.

    My words were: corn, craft, cabinet, cane, circulation, courtship.
    I may give this another go with different words.

    You can find the challenge in my last post!

    @poetrydelivery @shegram @bluepuppy_1 #ceesreposts @writersnetwork @mirakee #wow @tomorrow_is_amazing @shrutiwari299

    Read More

    Savory treasure

    Pay attention now
    As I tell you of my sweet savory treasure
    Deep deep through the forest trees and wild animals
    Lives a place unaffected by the modern world changes
    Living as if we solely exist on this land

    My name is Evelyn Lynn
    And I’ve lived in my simple town for 21 years
    Where we milk our own cows
    Breed our own horses, chickens, and even goats
    And have mastered the craft of growing wheat and corn

    A place with some wonderful people
    glamorous sights
    And books galore
    With music created from tree stumps and bamboo
    And people getting together and starting their family

    Where we have beautiful houses built by hand
    With neat little secrets within each one
    Like the secret tunnels under Duncan’s house
    Or my favorite place in my house
    The secret gold cabinet chambers hidden behind the walls
    Where books stand tall among the walls

    The people we’ve met and the people that’ve left
    Have each had wonderful stories to tell
    John grew up helping his family with horses and is now the towns master horse trainer.
    Neveah helped her Dad fix buggies and is now the town mechanic.
    Nélida became the town hero after stopping a bear attack
    Leaving her permanently stuck with a cane

    And now I’ll enter this new exciting part of town
    A part that until now I haven’t been through
    The circulation of courtship
    Getting courted and developing a relationship

    It’s a whole new thing for me
    But with the amazing things my town has already
    I’m excited to see what future I can have.


    ©️ponygirl902

  • ponygirl0902 43w

    Hey everyone! I hope you’re all having a great day/night!

    I’ve got a challenge for you all!
    Not sure if a challenge like this has been done but if it has let me know.

    The challenge is you have to pick a random letter(or even have someone pick a letter for you) and use 6 random words that each start with that letter.

    For example my sister chose the letter C for me so my words are: Corn, craft, circulation, courtship, cabinet, and cane.
    (I used random word generator for my words)

    Using these 6 words you have to write a poem or story.

    2 of the words have to appear in the beginning of your writing
    2 in the middle
    And the last two in the end.

    Rules:

    - No word limit
    - Deadline is February 7th
    - Winners chosen February 8th
    - If it follows the challenge then past posts can be used
    - Use #sixwordch1 and tag me.
    - Have fun!


    @poetrydelivery @shegram @writersnetwork @mirakee #ceesreposts @jerry_21

    Read More

    .

  • ponygirl0902 46w

    What if I tried?

    What if I tried to tell you farewell
    What if I tried to tell you Adios
    What if I tried to tell you good-day
    What if I tried?
    Would you accept my goodbye?

    Would you agree we dissolve the past
    Would you let your grudges go
    I never meant to give you scars
    The night we played with those junkyard cars
    I really did try to control those fires

    What if I tried harder?
    What if I fixed those wires
    What if I’d tried to find more water
    Maybe then you wouldn’t have died
    I could’ve tried harder

    Maybe you wouldn’t be haunting my daughter
    Maybe you wouldn’t be tormenting my dog
    Maybe you wouldn’t be causing chaos at home
    Maybe things would be different
    And I wouldn’t feel bad each time I wake

    If I hadn’t told you to come out with me
    If I hadn’t decided we leave our phones
    If I’d brought water
    Or chose somewhere else we go
    Maybe things would’ve been different

    I wouldn’t have caused a death at 16
    Hearing almost nothing as an off duty doctor announces your death
    Watched as an ambulance drove you away
    As I ran back home crying

    I wouldn’t have
    Attended a funeral with grieving parents
    Crying sisters
    And angry uncles

    You wouldn’t have had to watch as your parents spoke at your funeral
    As your siblings cleared out your bedroom because your parents just couldn’t
    Oh, I just can’t even begin to fathom how things could be different

    What if I’d tried?
    Would you still be creating strange noises throughout my house
    Knocking things off my walls
    Creating drafts of wind and loud sounds
    And making me regret ever going forward

    Owen
    What if I tried to tell you
    I’M SORRY
    Would you accept my apology?
    No?
    Well, it was definitely worth a try

  • ponygirl0902 51w

    Honesty honestly sucks

    The blue grass moved against the wind
    The yellow daisys scattered on the ground
    The wind humming to a higher pitched version of let her go.
    While a young man sits in the gazebo glancing at the field, looking dejected
    As a young woman walks away without turning back

    God, how long must I kick myself?
    Honesty
    I’ll be honest honesty honestly sucks

    The woman walks to a Jeep and climbs into the car before breaking down.
    The young man walks silently to his apartment that still smells of strawberries and vanilla

    Does that make me terrible?
    Saying that honesty sucks that's like saying deceit is delightful
    That isn’t what I’m saying at all though
    Honestly

    The young man wakes up to hosting a garage sale
    Selling the woman’s clothing
    Selling the ugly hot pink lamp shade
    Selling the overwhelming collection of pink kitchen tools
    The woman sits on a boat sipping some wine while staring out to the sea

    Do you think she’s fine?
    Honestly I do
    She wouldn’t be turned upside down from someone like me

    The women changes her 4 year status to single
    The young man changed his 4 year status to single
    After the women had decided it was enough
    And the young man prayed and begged for it not to be done

    Could I have changed all this?
    most definitely
    Unfortunately I wasn’t who I should’ve been
    I didn’t appreciate who I should’ve

    The women storms out after saying “I’m not gonna be second anymore”
    The young man storms after her saying he doesn’t understand
    The women yells as she runs “you just don’t love me like I love you.”
    The young man stares but doesn’t run for her

    Should I have realized it sooner?
    I could’ve and should’ve realized
    Maybe I’d been able to fix everything

    The next morning the young man walks to the park to find the women
    The women walks off saying she’s leaving and he can throw her things out
    The young man doesn’t know what to do so he shakes his head and stares
    Tears well in the women’s eyes as she strolls back to her jeep
    The young man not aware of the mistake he’s made

    Do you know the hardest part?
    The honest truth as much as it hurts
    Is still the truth
    And I had to be honest with myself
    I realized I loved you
    Too long after I’d lost you

    And now I’m really kicking myself