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  • perfectly_crazy 39w

    ~no im not
    atleast
    i'll finally be free~
    a typical 3 am shitty post :)

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    How long do you think
    This flickering fire inside you
    Will keep you warm?

    Aren't you afraid
    That one day
    This fire will just die off
    Leaving you in cold darkness?

    Aren't you afraid
    That one day
    This fire will turn feral
    And burn you from inside?

    Aren't you afraid?
    Soon you'll just be
    A pile of cold ashes
    Waiting for the wind to carry you away?

    Aren't you afraid?

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 48w

    It's 2021 already?!?

    Wohoo we all really survived 2020!
    Happy New Year everyone!! ����❤️

    To be really honest, i haven't at all in 2020. My last post around 35 weeks ago :/.

    I often thought i was not able to write because i had no inspiration or no particular strong feeling which moved me. I felt numb all through out 2020, and i mistook this numbness as absence of feeling and emotions. Oh boi i was so wrong.
    "People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn't absence of feelings; it's a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings."
    - Lori Gottlieb (author of 'Maybe you should talk to someone')
    Being overstimulated, i tried my best to ignore everything, like literally, not knowing (umm okay maybe a little bit) that it might backfire at the end. Well it hasn't as of yet, but it might. So i really don't want to carry this (almost) a burden into 2021 (atleast all of it).

    I hope your year is filled with happiness, good health and safety! And thanks a lot to @mirakee @writersnetwork and the creators and the whole team for making such a beautiful platform, forever grateful.

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    embracing my fear's fear

    Writing has always been an escape for me
    I used to write to let go
    Hoping that these feelings
    Fade away between my verses
    But for the words to slip out
    I first had to confront the emotions
    Sounds and was easy back then
    Because I was sure that they would leave at the end
    (Cause they always did)
    But as these sentiments grew stronger
    I grew weaker
    I was and am afraid to confront them
    To consciously think about them
    To introspect and reflect
    “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
    I took the one which was the easiest”
    Hoping that my mere ignorance will wipe out their existence
    But to my dismay, they became my hidden demons
    Waiting for me to fall asleep
    And then prey on me in my nightmares.

    Vanishing was my strength
    Umbrella of hope flying away
    Loneliness crept in and I had
    Nowhere to hide
    Envy made its entry
    Rather too early
    And I fell in the whirlpool of nothingness
    Before I could run away (to but where darling?)
    Luckily numbness became by savior
    Eating me away from the inside.

    It became my invisible villain (haha how foolish can I be to mistaken it as my savior)
    But what we both feared (and envied) the most
    Was vulnerability
    To lower the heavy guard at times
    To remove the fractured façade
    To be oneself a hundred percent
    To be human till the core
    That’s what we both feared the most
    Envied the most
    And desired the most.

    There’s a funny thing about fear
    The moment you look at it into the eye
    It fears you
    ‘Fear fearing you’
    So that’s what I am going to do
    Look my demons into the eyes
    And embrace vulnerability this year and
    Being a bit more me.

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 84w

    On these cold empty nights
    My mind likes to take a trip
    Down the memory lane
    Just to fill the sky
    With some guilt and pain.
    •••

    First stop:
    About ten years ago,
    As I cried for a new toy
    You silently smiled
    As you wiped my tears
    With the new teddy bear.

    I never knew that that night
    Your heart skipped a beat.

    Second stop:
    About eight years ago,
    I screamed for MY ice cream
    As some of it was on your lips.
    You silently slided your way out
    In the scorching summer heat
    Just to fill my stupid stomach.

    I never knew that day
    Your heart skipped two beats.

    Third stop:
    About seven years ago
    I jumped out of the running vehicle
    Thinking I'll jump out my fear too.

    But all I did was
    Jump your fucking heart out.

    Fourth stop:
    About six years ago
    As we were chilling
    On a summer afternoon
    Watching TV
    Your heart stopped beating.
    I thought you were just joking
    As you took your last breath.
    I sat there silently
    Waiting for you to end the silence.
    But I never knew it'll last forever.

    I didn't even try to resuscitate you
    But just fucking saw you with my empty eyes.

    Soon I saw my palms turn red
    As I saw your dead heart in my hands.

    •••

    All you did was
    Love me with your whole heart
    And all I did was
    Stop that same heart.

    •••

    Tonight I just wish
    You are more happy there
    Than you were on this side of the universe.

    ©perfectly_crazy
    •••••••••••••••

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    All you did was
    Love me with your whole heart
    And all I did was
    Stop that same heart.

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 85w

    Summer's around the corner now
    Hoping the snow melts somehow.

    Till then stay safe. :)

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    Winter of 2019

    It came around winter
    In chilling cold

    Thought it was just a snowflake
    In a distant land,
    But when it snowed here
    We knew it was a hailstorm

    Slowly we abandoned the roads
    And hibernated in our houses
    Anxiety swept its way into our heads
    As nature started restoring its equilibrium

    Air became less carbon choking than before
    Animals got their lost share of nature again
    Flowers bloomed and butterflies danced
    As balance spread beneath the thick layer of snow

    While practising social distancing
    We got closer to our families
    And the most important person in our life
    Ourselves

    We did things we never had time for
    -Self care and cleansed ourselves inside out
    -Introspection to accept and let go
    -Payers for the humanity as a whole
    Because this hailstorm doesn’t differentiate between religions
    So why should we?

    We are healing
    The earth is healing
    And remember
    Healing doesn’t happen overnight.

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 95w

    The Nutritionist

    The nutritionist said I should eat root vegetables
    Said if I could get down 13 turnips a day
    I would be grounded, 
    rooted.
    Said my head would not keep flying away to where the darkness is.

    The psychic told me my heart carries too much weight
    Said for 20 dollars she’d tell me what to do
    I handed her the twenty, 
    she said “stop worrying darling, you will find a good man soon.”

    The first psychotherapist said I should spend 3 hours a day sitting in a dark closet with my eyes closed, with my ears plugged
    I tried once but couldn’t stop thinking about how gay it was to be sitting in the closet

    The yogi told me to stretch everything but truth, 
    said focus on the outbreaths,
    everyone finds happiness when they can care more about what they can give than what they get

    The pharmacist said klonopin, lamictil, lithium, Xanax
    The doctor said an antipsychotic might help me forget what the trauma said
    The trauma said don’t write this poem
    Nobody wants to hear you cry about the grief inside your bones

    My bones said “Tyler Clementi dove into the Hudson River convinced he was entirely alone.”
    My bones said “write the poem.”

    The lamplight. 
    Considering the river bed. 
    To the chandelier of your fate hanging by a thread.
    To everyday you could not get out of bed.
    To the bulls eye on your wrist
    To anyone who has ever wanted to die.
    I have been told, sometimes, the most healing thing to do-
    Is remind ourselves over and over and over
    Other people feel this too

    The tomorrow that has come and gone
    And it has not gotten better
    When you are half finished writing that letter to your mother that says “I swear to God I tried”
    But when I thought I hit bottom, it started hitting back
    There is no bruise like the bruise of loneliness kicks into your spine

    So let me tell you I know there are days it looks like the whole world is dancing in the streets when you break down like the doors of the looted buildings
    You are not alone and wondering who will be convicted of the crime of insisting you keep loading your grief into the chamber of your shame
    You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy

    I have never met a heavy heart that wasn’t a phone booth with a red cape inside
    Some people will never understand the kind of superpower it takes for some people to just walk outside
    Some days I know my smile looks like the gutter of a falling house
    But my hands are always holding tight to the ripchord of believing
    A life can be rich like the soil
    Can make food of decay
    Can turn wound into highway
    Pick me up in a truck with that bumper sticker that says 
    “it is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society”

    I have never trusted anyone with the pulled back bow of my spine the way I trusted ones who come undone at the throat
    Screaming for their pulses to find the fight to pound
    Four nights before Tyler Clementi jumped from the George Washington bridge I was sitting in a hotel room in my own town
    Calculating exactly what I had to swallow to keep a bottle of sleeping pills down

    What I know about living is the pain is never just ours
    Every time I hurt I know the wound is an echo
    So I keep a listening to the moment the grief becomes a window
    When I can see what I couldn’t see before,
    through the glass of my most battered dream, I watched a dandelion lose its mind in the wind
    and when it did, it scattered a thousand seeds.

    So the next time I tell you how easily I come out of my skin, don’t try to put me back in
    just say here we are together at the window aching for it to all get better
    but knowing as bad as it hurts our hearts may have only just skinned their knees knowing there is a chance the worst day might still be coming
    let me say right now for the record, I’m still gonna be here
    asking this world to dance, even if it keeps stepping on my holy feet

    you- you stay here with me, okay?
    You stay here with me.
    Raising your bite against the bitter dark
    Your bright longing
    Your brilliant fists of loss
    Friend

    if the only thing we have to gain in staying is each other,

    my god that’s plenty

    my god that’s enough
    my god that is so so much for the light to give
    each of us at each other’s backs whispering over and over and over
    “Live”
    “Live”
    “Live"

    - By Andrea Gibson

  • perfectly_crazy 96w

    But as the rivers flows
    even with the stones in between
    and as the mountains stands
    against the winds,
    I'll also rise
    and continue
    to breathe.

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    I mourn the forest
    where once love blossomed,
    now burnt by self hatred.

    I bury the voice
    filled with original opinions
    under the shadows of the society.

    I ruin the present
    by making my mind run
    and run and run.

    I numb myself
    in the hope of
    saving myself.

    I empty myself
    into the rivers
    of past and future.

    I paint myself red
    in the hope of
    salvation.

    But at last
    I put the facade
    just to avoid
    any further damage.

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 107w

    //people often say you don't know what you have until it's gone.//⁣

    It's been a year or so ⁣
    since I lost you⁣
    to be precise⁣
    let you leave ⁣
    right in front of my eyes. ⁣

    You faded away slowly⁣
    in the fog of blues and greys ⁣
    Until one day ⁣
    you were just gone. ⁣

    You escaped from the prison of my smile ⁣
    making way for despair to sweep in. ⁣

    You slipped from my heart ⁣
    into the empty verses of my poetry. ⁣

    Everytime I laughed silence surrounded me ⁣
    as my voice refused to come out without you. ⁣

    I tried to find you ⁣
    amongst my friends' giggles⁣
    and strangers' gleaming eyes⁣
    just to realize that they ⁣
    had lost you too. ⁣

    I tried to find you ⁣
    in between the kisses shared in cliche movies ⁣
    in my shopping cart filled with sweets and pills ⁣
    in the aesthetic sunrise and sunset⁣
    in the pause between two breaths and⁣
    in the clouds immersed sky ⁣
    just to realize ⁣
    that I was looking at all the wrong places. ⁣


    I took a deep breath ⁣
    and knocked the door of my mind. ⁣
    There you were! ⁣
    Neither lost nor had you escaped⁣
    just hidden perhaps forgotten. ⁣

    I found you within myself⁣
    waiting for me with a cup of tea, ⁣
    "It's been a long time, mate." ⁣

    And I couldn't smile any wider. ⁣

    ⁣ ©perfectly_crazy

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    .

  • perfectly_crazy 111w

    I'm in my bed when
    A metallic and slightly sweet smell surrounds me
    I look around the room
    And find a corpse and a kinfe
    I see my reflection in the mirror
    And to my surprise I'm covered in blood.

    I had killed someone.

    I take a glance at the carcass.
    She is a little girl
    Wearing a pretty lilac dress ,
    With a smile on her lifeless face,
    Like she was killed by
    Someone familiar, someone she loved.

    I hoped guilt choked me
    But nothing happened.
    I felt totally numb.

    Suddenly from the corner of the room
    Came a scream
    "What the fuck did you do!"
    Her voice was oddly familiar.

    "Would you love me more?"
    I asked my future self
    "Would you hold my hands?
    They're the same ones that I used
    To kill myself for you"

    Silence surrounded
    As I slept with my dead corpse
    While the future me was
    Drinking her remorse
    Like a fine red wine.

    ©perfectly_crazy

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    killed someone for you

    You have to understand that
    The one I killed is me
    Changing what I was
    For what you wanted me to be
    I followed your direction
    Did everything you asked
    I hope it makes you happy
    Cause there's just no turning back

    - I killed someone for you
    Alec Benjamin

  • perfectly_crazy 115w

    Felt a lot of emotions, so I had to let them flow.

    Umoja is an only women village in Kenya.

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    Seven

    //She chooses her victims very carefully
    One at a time,
    To grow roses
    Where once the blood flowed.//

    - Her first victim is a man
    Who carries an axe in his pocket,
    Who wears carbon shoes
    Leaving his footprints everywhere,
    Has a heart made up of plastic
    And yells
    C l i m a t e C h a n g e is not real.

    She lures him to the Amazon forest
    Slits his throat using his axe,
    Drowns him into the polluted water
    And finally leaves him dying in the carbon air.

    - Her second victim is a woman
    With a brain tinier than an atom
    And a heart buring in hate
    Who considers H o m o s e x u a l i t y
    A sin.

    She takes the woman to a church
    Hits her with the Bible
    And paints her dead body
    In rainbow colors.

    - Her third target is a boy
    Who thinks coolness is same as rudeness
    Who has blurred his vision by
    The clouds of popularity by
    B u l l y i n g.

    She takes him to the football ground
    Chokes him with his "cool" attitude
    And then leaves him alone;
    Breathless with his impudence.

    - Her fourth victim is a man
    having an ego bigger than his penis,
    Driven by uncontrolled lust,
    Who doesn't consider
    R a p e a crime.

    She lures him to a quite place
    Makes him deaf by yelling N O
    Chokes him up on his balls
    And fucks him up to death.

    - Her fifth prey is a businessman
    Infected by a disease called G r e e d
    Who feasts on money
    And breathes by chopping
    The things which allow others to breathe.

    She goes to his factory
    Showers money all around him
    And burns him up in
    His own cupidity.

    - Her sixth targets are the
    "Enlightened" people worshipped for
    Their I n t o l e r e n c e.
    The obstinate, pig heads
    Who twist the message of God
    To their own b i a s.

    She collects them all
    Poisons them with their own
    B i g o t r y resulting in death
    Of all without any prejudice.

    - Her seventh and the final victim
    Is the man, rather a pest
    Who feeds on women's talents
    And flourishes in the
    P a t r i a r c h a l society.

    She takes him to Umoja
    Blinds him with thier talents,
    Shoots him in the head
    And leaves him drowning
    In the pool of his so called
    E q u a l i t y.

    //After staining her hands red and black
    She closes her eyes
    And
    Her soul rests.//

    ©perfectly_crazy

  • perfectly_crazy 119w

    Hey people. I guess that by now from looking at people's Instagram stories to seeing the truthful tweets on Twitter you all know something or the other about the Amazon rainforest and that it is burning up like hell. I suggest that if you really want to know what hell looks like, Google up the recent pictures of Amazon and tada, you'll get a clear idea.

    I am not here to write about all the bad deeds we humans have done and we are still doing but first I'll just brief you about Amazon if you don't know and are still reading my Ted talk.

    So here I go. Amazon rainforest in South America is the largest tropical forest. Forest fires are common as the do occur naturally as well, but Amazon is an area with torrential rain that almost never burns on its own yet the places have been burning since last three fucking weeks with zero media coverage.
    Deforestation, climate change and slash and burn agriculture are the main reasons why our Earth's lungs are on fire.
    Due to excessive deforestation and global warming the forest is drying out and this causes forest fire. Slash and Burn agriculture is illegally practice which when done by unskilled farmers, ends the forest into ashes.

    Jair Bolsonaro, the Brazilian President, has weakened policies which protect the Amazon rainforest and has prioritized economic growth by increasing agricultural yeild over the alarming issue of climate change, which the humans are currently battling.

    The weakening of policies have encouraged deforestation accelerating it with an increase of 88% in June as compared to June 2018. There has been a 77% increase in the number of fires from the same time period in 2018.

    And Mr Brazilian president I suppose is counting the profit he has made since January or is getting a decent haircut while his citizens are choking on carbon.

    So how can you, we, all together help the ecosystem that produces 20% of Earth's oxygen.

    First and foremost educate yourself about this grave issue. Google up, read articles, watch news, no maybe do not watch news as Indian media is fucking sleeping on this issue like we are not a part of this world and after enlightening yourself, spread awareness, share your knowledge maybe at least to your friends, family, colleagues, neighbours or anyone. Have a fruitfull conversation on such topics rather than wasting your time gossiping or having shitty small talks.

    Secondly if you can then please donate to help forest as well as a people living in or near it. I'll list down the sides at the end of this post.

    Thirdly sign petitions, you can do it on change.org Greenpeace, etc. Your signature can mean a lot.

    Other ways are-
    By reducing your paper and wood consumption.
    By reducing food wastage.
    By going vegetarian or even better vegan. You can start by reducing your meat and dairy consumption at least that will be a start.

    So this is the end of my Ted Talk. Thanks for surviving till the end of this brutal reality and as you all know truth hurts like shit. Please use your voice to save our "carbon sink" and our Earth. Its time that we all stop the injustice towards our mother earth and start loving her and her children.

    ©perfectly_crazy

    https://www.worldlandtrust.org/
    https://www.rainforest-alliance.org/
    https://www.ran.org/
    https://www.amazonteam.org/
    http://chng.it/4T5XtQrJ
    https://amazonwatch.org/
    https://rainforestfoundation.org/
    https://www.greenpeace.org/international/

    #PrayForAmazon @writersnetwork

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    The earth is not dying, it's being killed.