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I feelSoAlone I feelSo EmptyI feelSoLost©pennamebreez
#abuse #hurt #family #parents #socialanxiety #trauma #pain #recovery #mentalhealth
You made me feel stuckYou made me feel grossYou made me feel unwantedYou made me feel like an inconvenienceYou made me feel uglyYou made me feel like a wasteYou made me feel discardedYou made me feel like a mistakeYou made feel powerlessYou made me feel worthlessYou made me feel inhumanYou made me feel like a ruined dayA ruined day that lasts forever...And there is no running from itThere is no hiding from itThere's just me, unmoving Unable to be whatever you wantedWhen I never really had a chanceYou made me feel like gum On the bottom of your shoe I did not deserve to feel that way©pennamebreez
Word Prompt: Write a 3 word micro-tale on Overlook
I was wrong
Rest in peace George Floyd. I wish that humanity was kinder and community was easier for us to get right.
"I can't Breathe"
You can be upset about racism And the murder And be upset over the lootings of stores And the police building that was set on fire And the CNN crew that was briefly arrested It is a factthat humans do terrifying things Many of which don't make sense.It's an opinion that we can do betterAnd a choice that we do notYou can be upset that years of education and peaceful protest haven't been enough.You can be upset that after all those years people felt so pushed to the breaking point.You can be upset that it took a death, lootings, a fire, and all this virtual noiseFor someone to feel heard. You can be upset that people are saying the wrong thingsYou can be upset that people aren't saying anythingYou can be upset that you didn't know what was going onUntil suddenly you did. You can be upset thatmore people are spending more time being upset at what is, or what isn'tbeing said than getting off the couch-out of the house-And actually doing something. You can be upset that it feels like whatever you do won't actually be enough to matter. You can be upset because so many people are upset.Shouting relentless and rawAnd in all that chaos and confusionHate and hurtRunning like bloodThick as smokeIt's so hardFor so many To breathe ©pennamebreez
"I can hear in your voice that you are sad" I'm always sad. Sometimes it leaks out.
Life is disappointing. I can see the cycles of me feeding an idea only to be so disappointed or unsatisfied. It's hard to find the energy to keep starting that fire.
This little light of mine
I can look back and see the debrisOf some beautiful idea, once so hopeful.I laid my heart out on those decisions.A new relationship. A hobby. A goal.Kindling for the fire in my soulAnd my heart tells me This. Is. It. This is going to be the pivotal momentThat feeds the embersAnd fights off the cold. This is going to be how I light my way. Yet despite the hard work and passion...I'm always suffocated by the weight of the world. Its cruel grasp clenching my soul in its fistSo I cant fight or breathe...Stamping out any fleeting hope I had left...Like a stray spark in a dry field, Seconds from setting the world ablaze, And so quickly snuffed out. Leaving nothing to think about but smoke and darkness.©pennamebreez
Written after a long fight with a best friend (CK) during another hard time. We no longer talk now. But I see it now as a lesson life gifted me with. My circle got much smaller and I am in a much happier place now.
You're being stupid
You aren't the first to tell me that...
So I'm trying to forgive and forget.
But it's hard.
It's hard when someone you love
Tells you that your feelings aren't reasonable.
Like I don't already know that...
Feelings aren't always about logic and fact.
Sometimes people just feel things.
Sometimes for stupid reasons.
You don't have to understand why.
I just thought you cared enough
To want to make me feel better.
Instead you let me return to my head
And torture myself for hours.
You left me there when I just needed
To be held for a moment.
I just needed to hear
That everything was okay.
I just needed to know
That you still loved me,
And that you didn't want me to be uncomfortable.
I know all that should be a given.
Sometimes a gentle reminder just helps...
And keeps me out of the dark.
I'm trying my best to not be
The anxious, self conscious mess
That I always am.
I want to turn it off...
But I don't always win that fight,
And I'm really sorry...
And I already hate myself enough
Every time I do fail.
Please don't give up on me too...©pennamebreez
To this day I struggle with feeling like I don't want to live. This was written in one of those darker moments.
The darkest place
I feel things so deeply
Sometimes it's like I'm screaming
But in some strange language
That no one else knows.
I have nothing more to offer
But who I am.
And daily I am reminded
That it will never be enough.
I get more lonely every day.
Everyone around me gets quieter
And the voices in my head
are only growing louder
Reminding me that I will lose everyone.
That I have never been enough
And will always be too much.
That I am... ultimately, unlovable.
No one can hear me anymore.
As I sink beneath the sea of tears
And the darkness feels so
The more time that passes...
The more life I seem to waste...
The more it hurts...
The less I want to live.
I wish I was braver.
I wish my path had shapped me
And made me stronger.
Instead it's left me lost, alone, and broken.
And I just don't want to feel things anymore©pennamebreez
About ZB, related to my first BDSM experience.
The first time
You strapped that blue leather
Around my neck
And held me against your chest
My mind was torn open-
The world I knew disappeared-
And there was only you
To surrender to.
As you guided me
And I followed
Walking without hesitation
And feeling without fear...
I knew even days after
I would still be able to hear
The high metalic sound
Of that cold, clinking steal.
And any perception of being
I once thought that I had
Was shattered forever
In those moments.
The world without that clinky strap
Of beautiful blue leather
would never look the same-
Would never again be enough.©pennamebreez
About ZB. An old friend that I had reconnected with. When we met, we were both in relationships, and this time we were both available.
He does not hear the way my heart
Stalls and stops at the sound of his voice.
Nor capture the moment it implodes
Within the confines of his perfect words .
He cannot grasp that my thoughts scatter
When he looks to read them from my mind.
Nor comprehend that I enjoy the very taste of his name
As my tongue moves to shape it.
He does not see the world around me still
At the sight of his smile.
Nor feel the calm in the air
As I gaze into the depths of eyes.
He cannot fathom the ache inside my heart
As I dream of his presence.
Nor understand the complexity
Of my certain devotion.
He does not know my blood boils
At the thought of his skin on mine.
Nor that I dearly desire his lips
Upon my burning flesh.
He is unaware that he has quickly become...
My dream, my delight, and my desire.
Nor is he even aware
that he is unaware
and may always be..©pennamebreez