Believe me or just think this is another story I plotted in my Head. Caged in misunderstanding and trust issues, I won't say it is only your fault over here. I will write down my mistakes and plea you to read your own commited ones. I barely can move my fingers to write this whole scenario in one attempt. I lied to you for the nth 'once' and I know the output of that lie on me.I sew your wounds gifted by my lies and never expected you to do the same. But beyond this, Did I ever exploit you ? Didn't I put you on the fucking top. Yes I worshipped you. I built a temple of your name in my Heart. Even If I snatch away Moon from the sky and put it over your naked feet because that is where it actually belongs. You will in a glance remind me of the other infinite 'moons' in this universe.I will certainly show in every damn way or in all the little things that I do about how much I crave for you, Darling and you will shift+Delete all the emotions, sympathy, empathy that you have for me.I will charge all my strength and endurance again over and over to go through this and to become the exact potrait of your "Dream Man" but it won't be enough.I have extracted all the elixir within my nerves and I have poured that into your soul. Maybe you pointed out that it was always a body that I desired for and little do you know, I have put my soul in our intimacy. I know I show my emotions with a snap and you barely do so. I know you too are fucked up from whatever happened and wish to cry your heart out. I know I have even broken you with all the little things that you have expected from me.Because I used to protect you from harm being your armour. I know when everyone will go through this plot, they will have nothing to say other then to 'move on' and that would be the only answer I am ignoring since the fucking first day when I saw you. At the end, Sweetheart Believe me or not, or think this is just another story a narcissist has plotted because in both the ways the conclusion will always be the same. That I loved you and I do and I am preparing myself to go into a space and bring all those indefinite moons from there to put them right into the ground you walk upon.
The idea of Love is not terrible, being in love might be. I have been victimized of my own thoughts. Sometimes, by the words and actions of the one I Love. No matter if you do your absolute best to be with them and fill their voids. They will always put you down. I have failed with my words to explain what you meant to me, I have failed to describe the distances between us, Hell is a right word I guess. And there is no medication to get out of it. No cure for this chronic disorder I have been suffering from. Darling, I am afraid of a Night When Moon will tell you everything that you resist to listen, That you have lost a boy who never wished of your Long Love letters, Neither interfered your personal space, And stood there, right there everytime you left. You know why, Because He belonged to you. He embraced your scars and make them look much more beautiful than I had. He walked down the burning coals for that smile which you possess. All I could say is You shouldn't have to judge him with whatever past he had, He stretched his tongue and told you all his guilts and lies. The version in which he was involved with you was the purest and best by all means, From Head to toe, He was Loyal to you. And all the little things that he did for you but you failed to noticed, You should have concentrated on that, You should have remembered all those vows He made to you, under the street lights. Cause when you went home keeping all the grudges bulked up in your throat, I have seen him up from here. I have noticed all his movements and I have never seen a better Lover than him. There were no roots more intimate than what bounds him with you (emotionally) or anyways If you don't,its all Okay, You were right all this time, He is selfish, He is obsessed with himself and He literally thinks the world revolves around himself, Cause Sweetheart, He craves for that smile, You live in that fist shaped object and that is the reason why he is obsessed with himself and There is no deny that You meant a world to him and his favourite Hobby was to be forever revolve in your orbit.
So If I could weave your soul or I say the pieces of your broken soul in my poetries, Will it be enough to convey how much I crave for you !? And I tried not to love you this way. Trust me, I have. I pulled back all my emotions but they have betrayed me too. You have never been too broken that you can't fix my pieces back together. And I have never been lost untill I stare into your eyes for a while. I dont have any expectations or desires so sinfully as you. And I am not even debating about that I will die if you are not the part of my life in future. It's just that I'll be the best version of myself when I have you by my side. Just like a Daily bath in a summer or wearing a proper uniform in college, you too have become my necessity. And Every single night when I wrap myself up in my quilt, what itches me is your absence. When I see you smiling from a distance with your face a little upward and eyes closed a part of my soul sinks deeper within you in a hope that maybe one day you will understand all those little things I have done for you in the name of Love. You remind me of the most beautiful verse of my favourite song. When I rest my head over your knees, I felt the same comfort level I feel in my mom's lap. Finally at the end of day when I look myself in the mirror I could see your soul dwelling into deeper roots within me. I wish I could Say the same for you. I have learnt to survive from your walls which sometimes act as a salt on my wounds and an ego which set flames on my scars. I am taking chances knowing the fact that maybe there lies a heartbreak ahead and at the same time in a hope that maybe one day you will grab me from behind and smirk "You can afford this hell bent heart".
Hey, How about getting back in the time where you were the only Person I would lose sleep for. Come let's walk down to our timeline where I started fighting a battle that I knew I would be losing. Look from here now, Did you ever thought this will happen in future ? We would part our ways from each other and will never look back. The world never understood whatever 'we' both had back then. But you know I did. I knew how much pure you were when it comes to both of us. My heart used to drop whenever your name was mentioned by my friends. I always had a belief that you would stitch my wounds. I did things to you selflessly. But a boy have a heart too and a boy suffers too. I took you in a past today cause flashbacks are too haunting and it's the anxiety which starts cause of them. But I couldn't abandon you. I never did. I have given you so many 'rights' that I can't give to anyone else in near future. And At the same time, I can't let you go leaving my hand in the middle of a burning ocean. You would never be the part of my poems, my musings my tale or my life. If you wouldn't be special. Remove those ear plugs and throw all the negativity you have evoked in your head. Listen to me carefully Darling. I have walked down miles for you and I would happily do it till eternity no matter whether the equation of our relation will get resolved or not. You can happily promise someone else that you want to die in their arms. And I would take you along with myself after then. Cause I am gonna love you even after my heart stops, my body decays. My soul will search for you in all the streets of heaven.
A fifteen minutes conversation had almost reached its denouement when she asked, " when are you coming home? " " 2nd of October, Mum " I say before disconnecting the call.
Home. The place she taught me to call home is painted in the lightest shade of green hue with charcoal black windows. Close to one window laid an old guava tree and few lilies amidst wild grasses which I loved gazing at for hours as a child.
Those lilies over years started smelling like the alcohol my father gulped every night and soon stopped growing. The guaves grew bitter like my parents' relationship and the echo of my mother's voice abandoned the place.
The place now houses a man in his early fifties who chose himself over everyone else, who every now and then complains that no one cares. I smile and tell him that lilies were dying in the garden and he refused to water. The last text from him reads " I am the culprit ". I don't know what to reply.
But I did want to tell mum that though I long to be home, tell me if it ever existed!
When do you know that you have fallen out of love?
When you wake up every morning To realise that you will never see that familiar face beside you, When you stop counting the days You heard him last, When the calendar is unknown About your span of separation, Or when that face fades a little more In the heap of memories and tears,
When do you know that you are still in love?
Maybe when you realise that you Never unloved but learnt to stay alone, Or when you acknowledge that you Only chose yourself over a storm, That could ruin.
1. Your friend has a habit of abusing in everyday conversation and you learn that too. Did you count the hours your mother had put to teach you manners as a child? How cool is it to walk over her efforts.
// At your age I found it cooler to learn how to teach ABCD to a kid with learning disorder, and when I saw him writing I was proud of myself //
2. You stand outside the atm and your impatient legs are in hurry, you start mocking the old aunty inside who is taking a little longer. Ever wondered how difficult is it for them to use the modern technology? How cool is it to be insensitive.
// I stood there longer than you did and asked you to go first. You looked at me in amazement without saying a word. Waiting is a chapter you never visited and I excelled//
3. You talk about never compromising and throwing all tantrums to get the latest phone from your dad. When was the last time you taught your parents to use certain features in phone without getting irritated. How cool is it to be ungrateful.
// I was elder to you , got a phone that my dad bought and i was happy to hold it. Gadgets don't make you modern, pious thoughts does //
4.You start drinking and smoking because your friends do. At twenty two it is occasional at thirty two it becomes addiction. When was the last time you looked at the face of a child who lost his father because of this addiction. How cool is it to add one more of such child to the world.
// I was twelve when I visited the cancer ward of a hospital and the sight was horrifying. The night of regrets end in death. Choose a morning of improvement //
Can I intereste you in a Sarcastic Commet? Yeah sure, I've had my bad days but then I remember what a cute smile you have. And after having a very long, hard day, all I want is you.
To me you're Chandler Bing, who is a beautiful person. Could I be more cliché? No, but whenever i see that cute smile I feel like oh my God I'm falling for him again and again. I so love you my Bing-a-ling. Hope you're doing good and leading a healthy life with your family. You're turning 51 today, maybe you're getting older but for me you ain't ever getting older. When Joey had his hard days you were always there for him. Maybe, you screwed up sometime but whenever he needed you you were always there for him. You have always proved to him that you're his best friend by living in a box when you didn't tell him about screwing up with Kathy or when you fooled around with his sister. Hey do you know anything about CHICK JR. and DUCK JR.?? Your and Rachel's friendship was so underrated but she was your partner in crime. Phoebe, oh yes maybe you two never showed each other that how much you guys mean to each other but breaking up together with Tony and Janice and by helping you to find the best engagement ring for Monica and then when you walking down her to the aisle those were golden moments. Ross is your friend since college and by from then to now you guys share a beautiful bonding too. And love of your life Monica, I can't express my feeling when I realised that how much you love her. You were afraid of marriage but when you asked Monica to marry you that proposal part took my breathe away. That kind of proposal is every girl's dream. You were afraid of commitment and you were immature too but we've seen you to become the most mature man when you convinced Erica to give her children to you guys. This shows how much you've grown as a person. You've had family problems. Your parents got separated when you were 9 years old, you became insecure because of this and started to crack jokes whenever or wherever you feel uncomfortable. You didn't like holidays and uncomfortable with social functions because of your childhood incidents but you overcame all these so easily. Could you be more perfect?? You always thought that you aren't that much brave but by quitting your job for your own satisfaction and family you showed us that you can be brave too. You're so pure that's why you get this much love from everyone. Maybe you were nervous around women, maybe you were uncomfortable but your love and support for your friends showed us that you can be a good friend too. You're the best person I've ever seen in my life. You always make the funniest jokes. You're the King of Sarcasm and you're the love of my life. And here, on your birthday I wish you a long and healthy life. May God bless you Mr. BING. I love you. ❤
From, The girl who loves you the most
An open letter to Chandler Bing on the birthday of Matthew Perry. Thank you. ❤
You admire a civilisation I carry Without realising that it's You Who brought bricks from miles away And transformed an abandoned city
Hello people !!! I am going to complete two years on mirakee on August 20, 2019. If I try recalling what I came here for , I don't get an appropriate answer but I received a lot more than I expected or deserved. If I am a writer of any calibre I owe that to @mirakee.
To anyone who has ever read and appreciated me , I am thankful beyond words and maybe I would never be able to express how your words have worked wonders for me :")
Below is an excerpt from a long letter one of my friend wrote me after reading my poem that she felt in a way changed her. If this is not an achievement I don't know what is.
I had planned few things to mark the day but my fluctuating health and some other things didn't allow. But I hope I can still execute a part of it. Irrespective of that I will write and would love to hear from you, you who always make my way to words.
Your mother bled pain for four days every month and risked her life to give you birth, and when she held you for the first time she called you her life irrespective of the skin tone you carried but all you learnt to see after opening eyes is a fair face. // You look into the mirror and she calls you a prince standing beside but all I see is disgust //
To the W O M E N : ( looking for fair faced men )
Your father's skin tone is not what he was born with. He gave up on his looks to gather comforts for you and he smiled the widest, called you beauty the first time you curled your fingers around his , irrespective of the colour of your skin. He taught you love and all your eyes learnt was facial beauty. // Keep looking for a fair skinned man and I will tell you that loyalty and love has no colour. Disgrace has, the one you are painting yourself in //
To A N Y O N E : ( mocking others on skin tone )
When was the last time you uplifted a person with your words. I see it never happened because all your words learnt is pushing someone down. Did you know words coming out of your mouth smells like filth and so do you. // You paint your room in white and paste a picture a picture of snow white but someday if you fall in a pit, you will hold any hand that comes for help. Helping hands have no colour, right? //
To the P E O P L E : ( in fairness products business )
Your advertisement is running on all channels. Keep taking sips of pride and never count the number of people for whom you constructed a hell by erasing reason and scribbling garbage on society 's brains. // Victory has a colour too that you will never see because you failed each time someone felt inferior because of you //
To the W O M E N and M E N : ( who ever felt less because of skin tone )
You are an art. Only an artist shall know your value. But don't wait, become one yourself. You have infinite colours in you so paint yourself in the shade you like. // The next time they tell you to not pick a very bright colour, wear yellow. Become the sun they can never match their eyes with //