panache_stains_and_hangovers

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Matter of time and we'll be gone !

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  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 105w

    You don't lose people in screams and shouting.
    You lose people in silence and secrets,what kills you is when you have a storm inside, a million things to say, but you say good night and go to sleep,hurt and broken. You feel like "Why should I say it?" Can't you see I am dying here ? How can you not see the pain in my eyes and feel the tears in my voice ?", that suffocation in each breath shreds you into pieces,when you think" What was my fault ? I gave is so much. I gave you everything. How can you?". That helplessness when you want to cry out loud in the middle of the night after not getting any answers,yet again. Its hell when someone you love so much hurts you as if it meant nothing. You replay all the happy moments, the talks and the promises, trying to fool yourself that maybe you are over reacting. Maybe, it's just a bad dream. But the truth slaps you into misery soon,you realize the betrayal is real. You accept that the pain will stay. You will learn to smile with dry eyes.

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    "You don't lose people in screams and shouting. You lose people in silence and secrets..."

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 113w

    It's been months now and scientists are still in the search for a COVID-19 vaccine and the number of cases are increasing daily. To make it more worse, Our Stars too will never intersect again. I hope you are doing good out there and to be honest I am in peace as well.I haven't been writing it for a while as it will hardly make any difference now. Everything has came back to normal. People around me resist to take your name anymore. It wasn't easy to be this much tactful in handling everything that I have went through.You know half the story but my pillow knows the value of my broken smile. We cannot put ourselves on time machine and get back to what we used to be. You have been completely faded from my wishlist. Gone are those days, "When someone holds a door for you" or "Someone used to put wet cloth on your forehead when you have fever". I have no amount of love left to offer you. The only thing that will stick up with me for the years to come will be the privacy of us.
    I have never exploited you for whatever we had in past. I have always belived in an idea that good people can be toxic too, depends on how you built that relationship.
    I cut all ties of forever that I have once dreamt with you. The little trips to long drives. Bleeding through poetry, I have penned every toxicity that you have left within me.
    I realized I never belonged around your arms, your aura. It has always dragged me down.
    If I relate, I have been an Ocean who constantly tried to make an efforts to reach at you where you, Moon just loves the idea of being loved.
    I undo all the Vows. I am reincarnating all my broken pieces to be much stronger than before with an assurance that until next time, I will take Hope as a Hope.
    I am on a road to chase new desires and even if I catch you in the middle. Darling, I won't waste time on having a second thought. I will Overtake you.

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    I am on a road to chase new desires and even if I catch you in the middle. Darling, I won't waste time on having a second thought.

    "I will Overtake you"

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 151w

    @my_cup_of_poetry Sakshi I ain't a liar but lazy and congratulations for that 25th July,2019 post :")

    To - A Despairing Love

    You said that I have an ego problem. You said that it wasn't love. And then I try to run away from you as there was no option left for me to stay. I threw the keys of my room. I switched off myself emotionally.Still I didn't get rid of all the anxiety that runs on my veins like rollarcoaster. Soon I realized that the actual problem was I ran on a circular track and I always ended up reaching to you.
    Funny right !?
    I put on my earphones in front of you but little did you know I have muted the audio as my ears were against anything that resists your voice to let in.
    I scratch the lines of my hand, I pulled my ears, I bang my head on walls. It wasn't the tap running in the bathroom, if I tell you, you would cry too.
    I barely had that kind of light left within me which used to pump me up and let me do everything I ever dreamt of. I need one more shot right at the centre so that the home we made once gets completely destroyed. I am running out of caffeine and time. I put my dignity naked on the floor and you walk barefoot on it as if you never gave a shit about it.
    It was the time I realized it was all toxic from the very start when it turned me blue. But I was too late. Too late to realize that other hands won't give me the same warmth. Too late to realize that I destroyed 'us'. But not too late to reconstruct it better than before. You have to understand this simple equation. No matter how much I try, I just can't unlove you. This trying has damaged me to the core and I have done making me suffer by both means.

    From - You know who I am.

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    ...I realized that the actual problem was I ran on a circular track and I always ended up reaching to you ...

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 163w

    @__writingishappiness___

    A : Ananya The Interviewer

    A : Hey! It's been so long Rahul.
    I have been calling you since a very long time. Where exactly were you hidden ? (Smirks)

    ME : Haha, I have been searching for cupid with a gun in my hand. (grins)

    A : Cupid ? But Why !? Is it because your Love story hasn't reached an exclamation mark ? Sorry for being a little blunt.

    ME : Haha It's all okay. Well Her cells repel me and...umm that's it. (With a numb face)

    A : I didn't get it !? What do you mean !?

    ME : She doesn't feel the same for me. And she told me this . But there is one more thing to it. I have been constanly loving her since then without saying those three words. I put everything on lines. Yes, My life too. And aftermath comes out to be "Her cells repel me". Still I find Hope even if it is a little bit cause if there wasn't any hope there won't be this me. I am afraid of the guy I see in my dream. Yes, the one who portrays the future me. So With some knowledge of Science I keep on searching for dead cells in her, From where I can dwell through poetry or through any kind of thing and directly shoot to the core of heart.

    A : I heard some of your friends saying "You don't show up to them".
    Where had you been all these days !? Don't you stay at Home !?

    ME : Home.... I stay at Home Daily.
    Daily, I enter that Home a little,
    Daily I realize that I am just a guest in that Home.
    I don't want that feeling.
    I don't want to be her Favourite Temporary.
    Even if it's a Temporary Permanent kinda thing. I will accept that.

    A : Today I realized what love can do to a 20 years old boy..

    ME : Haha.. It either stains or brings colour to your life. But Most Importantly It makes him a Man.

    A : Will you ever come out of this trauma if she left you forever !?

    ME : Umm.. Yeah. Obviously I will get out of depression sooner or later. It's just like going into a war. You fight there.You either win or lose. And at the end of day you come back, No matter if you are still alive or
    ...(deep silence) Dead

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    ....Today I realized what love can do to a 20 years old boy; it either stains or brings colour to your life. But Most Importantly It makes him a Man....

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 164w

    @__writingishappiness___

    A : Ananya The Interviewer

    M : Me

    A : It's quite tough for me to actually face you after so much of what happened with you in past.

    M : No, it's totally okay. I Have to be here for everyone and more Importantly for myself.

    A : (smiles) So How is your health now. Everything's good ?

    M : Yeah, I am all okay. Every organ is working quite well than before. I have shut down some load from my heart. I have kept it for beating purpose only now ( Grins )

    A : Any Regrets ?

    M : Do you keep any regrets after watching any dream that turns out to be a nightmare in the end ? (Laughs)
    Look, as we don't have control over our dreams when we are asleep same is when it comes to feelings or emotions. We only regret when we have done something wrong.
    So, No regrets.

    A : What exactly happened with you last month ?

    M : It felt like as someone is celebrating Diwali in the month of April and that too inside my body.
    And the worst part is noone noticed the sound of blast that happened within me. Everything fall apart.
    I still don't have any clue if my heart survived in that event. But anyhow, I am still alive in medical terms. ( smile)

    A : Anything you miss the most ?

    M : Myself. That was the only cure I had for this trauma. To be who I am. To look and move on from things the way I supposed to do. But this was no less than a nuclear war and I lost myself and my vision of living life.

    A : I can't find the same charm in your eyes I used to do. What have you done with yourself ?

    M : I haven't done anything with myself. I already told you I have lost the real me, the one I used to be somewhere in this cruel world.

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    ...I haven't done anything with myself. I already told you I have lost the real me, the one I used to be somewhere in this cruel world....

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 167w

    Dear Love,

    If it makes you,
    It can destroy you too

    From,
    The Pen of a writer.

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 168w

    Who said long distance relationship doesn't work?

    Ask people about their loved ones, and they'll point the sky.

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 168w

    I am curious about that one person who is in your most frequently contact list now. As by now, I have been retired from that block cause I guess I have been too old enough to maintain that same pace to match up there.
    There are lot of things that has been replaced. Isn't it ?
    I have been completely extinct from your speed dial too and as a matter of fact that I am no longer an emergency number that I have always been. It's as painful as a courtmarshall, trust me. And you have always been the one to admire. You have that talent to make people fall in love with you. And why would they not ? You got such a beautiful face and soul. But I wish you have one more talent and that is too make people "Fall out" for you. It's kinda a hectic and most toughest thing to do all alone. I miss you and I don't want to explain or elaborate these three words, I will keep it that simple only. I know there is someone else who would make you realize that you are his 'other half'. And here I would simply sit back smiling at you cause you know for me you were already whole.
    You are the most beautiful thing that happened to me, I never knew what it was to love someone selflessly. I used to laugh when I see people doing crazy stuffs for their beloved one's around me. You put the purest form of zeal in our relationship, You never asked me to do anything for you that was beyond the limits of our relation.
    But I did it on a purpose. I did it cause I want too. I did it cause that is what makes me happy. I did cause I never had done that before. I did cause I was in love with you.
    I never blamed on you that you couldn't help me out when we got seperated and parted our ways. No one could see that I was bleeding. And that is because I was bleeding dry.
    I am no more a believer of a superpower that controls us from above but still I pray that you get every inch of love that you deserve and which I have always on my cards for you to offer from someone whom you admire, who brings back the most beautiful part of your back to life again.

    P.S - I..I will still be there. Everywhere. Even in the air you will breathe.
    I am gonna love you darling till all stars die.

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    ....I know there is someone else who would make you realize that you are his 'other half'. And here I would simply sit back smiling at you cause you know for me you were already whole....

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 168w

    Even if I would suffer from amnesia,
    I won't forget the touch of your fingertips ever.
    Your voice will still beats my eardrums on a repeat mode,
    20 years from now,
    I would walk down to you,
    As if you were the only home,
    I Wished to grow old in.

    You were ended up with someone new,
    Like you always told me that one day you would do.
    I have been waiting for you with lillies in my hand,
    Cause I have scribbled it on the last letter I wrote to you.
    20 years from now,
    I would let you read all the poetries,
    That I penned down after you left me with your million hues.

    It would be hard to take this arrow,
    That you are having someone's else last name.
    But, less than that we are not anymore the same.
    20 years from now,
    No matter If I would be an asthma patient,
    I would still let you rest your head over my chest,
    And with wrinkled lips kiss your forehead,
    Like old lovers do.

    With only ruins left,
    I would talk about all those unfinished lines I said to you.
    With wrinkled lips uttering your name with spark in my eyes,
    I would hope you put your lipbalm on them.
    20 years from now,
    I would still ask you the same question,
    By gulping down all the pain inside.

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    20 years from now

    ... I would let you read all the poetries,
    That I penned down after you left me with your million hues...

    (Read the caption)

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers

  • panache_stains_and_hangovers 169w

    We claim to know so much.

    Yet we die Ignorants.

    - Rahul Saha
    ©panache_stains_and_hangovers