Words really carry energy. I wouldn't have understood it energetically if I get to know about it in some other way. Snow and I have some bonds exchanged through words. I can feel her indeed. When she wrote that she had no voice, I felt sick. I felt my blood circulated all over my body in a weird way for a moment. Suddenly I could feel my heart's weight. I could sense some garlic in my stomach. My veins were burnt. My senses shivered. It was difficult for me to explain.
She has no voice. And she is not even a half decade old. And unfortunately, she knew it. I don't know how she is feeling about it. But I can just imagine myself having no voice to speak. I became numb actually.
With all energy pulled from my heart, i took the note and wrote "what...(wait! are you going to ask, "what do you mean by you have no voice?" wouldn't it make sense if you ask that question when she clearly said it? do you need to ask that again to make her think or reiterate that she is dumb?). Its really hard to think or use the word "dumb" for her. I wish the word wont cross my mind again.
I cut the word "what" I waited a little and wrote "do you know ... (wait, are you going to write "do you know your mom's number?", I think before that, you should ask if she is her mom indeed). I cut the line again. Now I'm confused. Why am I being trapped in these unknown emotions?
Okay I just "do you want to call anyone from my phone Snow?" I wrote. "Sasha don't use any phone" Snow wrote.
Now my heart started to shuttle. Snow just used the word "Sasha". So that lady's name is Sasha. So, it mean, she isn't her mom. Can I conclude so? Should I ask her if she is her mom? or should I just ask who is Sasha actually?
Come on! Sasha could definitely be that lady. Who else would Snow speak about? Oh I mean "write about*". (Anyway, don't think like that. I can actually use the word "speak". She is speaking with her words. But she uses some other medium. Do not think of such disabilities. Be a gentle man by thoughts).
If Snow referred that lady by her name, what she would be to Snow? She can be sister? Not possibly but that's not an impossible thing either. Or Snow just calls her mom by her name? (Please my dear, don't think of the word "mom" again).
"Sasha? What she is to you?" (What she is to you? You really wrote that? Does Snow able to understand this question? You are being dumb enough! You dont even know how to talk with a kid. You are being more confused than her. What the hell!!).
Why not? Snow is talkative. She understood many things already. But yeah, I don't know if she understands this. Or maybe even if she understand this question, what does she think of the answer?
Snow just took the note before I forwarded it to her while I'm lost in conversation with my heckling mind. And she wrote...