olive_pendergast

incurably lazy devil that has ever stood in shoe leather.

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  • olive_pendergast 13w

    That night I locked the bathroom door and fill the tub to the brim. I remembered talking to my reflection.

    "Hey, do you still want to continue?"

    I searched for answers, any glint of reply. I was silently knocking at my soul's door.

    "Hey, are you there?"

    I will never forget the eyes which answered to me.

    "No one's home."

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    MONO pg. one

    When I thought life was already satisfied by draining my colors. Seems like it aims to erase even my outlines.


    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 45w

    "Second Lead"



    Is it brash for me to say,
    You would've loved me
    if we'd met first?
    I,
    thought I could keep you
    if only I stand by your side,
    I,
    thought I'd be contented
    if only I see you smile,
    I,
    thought if you always
    lean on them,
    these shoulders
    would be satisfied,
    I,
    thought my arms
    can live with only the aftertaste
    of the warmth you left behind,
    I,
    thought it won't hurt
    if I drop this desire
    and bite my tounge,
    I,
    thought if for your happiness,
    everything would be fine.
    I,
    just thought they'd be.

    But humans are naturally selfish animals, aren't they? They love, even in silence. I realized as I wave my hand back and bid you goodbye.



    —Pender, Olive

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    SECOND LEAD

    But humans are naturally selfish animals, aren't they? They love, even in silence. I realized as I wave my hand back and bid you goodbye.
    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    Consumption

    "Simon, c'mere my dear cub." I've forgotten Papa's original color, I asked Mum before and she said, 'Papa's as brown as an acorn when he was younger,' and I know she's hiding the truth from me. They must think they can fool me, but I'm smart, you see. I can easily discern whether someone is not from our world. And I know Papa isn't. His complexion is so pale it camouflage with our marble floors! And his hands are always cold, he is a wind spirit, no doubt. I bet he floats whenever I'm not looking around!

    "My cub, where did that frown came from? Is anything the matter?"

    "Papa, I'm old enough you don't have to hide secrets from me anymore."

    "I see, I see. You're a man now, aren't you?"

    "Yes yes! I'm six now, you can tell me your secret Papa!"

    This is it. This is it.

    "And what secret should I start with, my man?"


    "Oh! Oh! About you being a Fae, Papa! That you are not from this world and and you are responsible for blooming the flowers in our garden!"

    "But isn't that Mum's doing?" I wiggled out of Papa's arms, "No, no, I saw you Papa. You were touching the flowers one by one and the next day they bloomed! Mum plants them and you sprinkle your magic on them!"


    "Hmmm," Papa paused, and I already know what's coming as I climb down from his lap. He held a white hanky up to his mouth. I stood watching as Papa's shoulders begin to shake, his hand holding the hanky trembled. At first it sounded like some animal was whimpering, trapped inside him and then the sound grown into a loud deep cry like a roaring lion inside a cave. I feel my knees weakened at the sight of my father coughing, streaks of blood spurting out of his mouth.

    "Papa! Papa!" I watched in horror as Papa's own blood painted the white hanky red. I ran out of the study. I feel so scared. No, Papa is going to be alright, I'm going to find Mum, she will fix Papa. I ran to the hallway, down the stairs and inside the Kitchen to search for Mum or anyone, they need to fix Papa. There's something wrong. Something wrong!


    "Papa will be okay, he is a fae, he is immortal. He will be alright." I told myself this lots and lots of times until I finally found Mum.

    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    To: The Dreams I Left Behind

    I can still vividly recall before I walk out of the room, how you tried to hold-on, the way your face beseeched in agony,
    "We could try, we can find a way! Please, please, please don't go...
    Don't leave me behind..."
    I remember my palms getting sweaty
    And slowly, slowly...
    Our hands slipped away.
    I wasn't enough, enough of a man.
    I wasn't good enough,
    Enough to keep you.

    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    In Love

    "Oh no, oh no... We're doomed, I tell you. We are doomed. We both fell, no one's gonna save us from drowning in this... in this bottomless pit!"

    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    "Are you sure you're doing alright?"


    "I'm fine, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."


    "Are you, for sure?

    "One thing you should know about me Trystan is if I repeated something thrice, I'm most definitely lying."

    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    "The stars are my only listening friends."


    ©olive_pendergast

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    "Farewell Sun"



    I placed my hand on top of his palm, sitting dumbfounded on a chair abreast his bed as my senses get a fill of him —the warmth of familiarity, the smell of pine and wild airs, his redeeming eyes and their abundance of light, the sight of his lips tired from its constant yet unfailing smiles.

    "Can I sleep now, Luna?" he spoke with a gentle cadence I'm used to hearing whenever he bids me goodnight. The voice of a serene sea promising a safe journey ahead.


    A bleak nod was all I could muster, my mouth unwilling to respond. I swallowed the lump forming on my throat and for the second time, with a simulated confidence, I nod again. "Y-yes... You may sleep now, Sol."


    Squeezing my hand he said, "I'll wait for you there, alright?" I nodded once more, surprising myself with my sudden tenacity. My countenance must have looked brave at that moment for his face visibly relaxed. He nodded, too. It was as if we're in cahoots. "You try to have fun without me, okay?"




    And then I saw it— his smile as it unhurriedly left his lips, his eyes as the light in them slowly dissipated. The resolved I thought I have crumbled to the floor with the finality of his departure.


    I realized, there and then, you'll know, you'll just know when a soul has finally departed.

    I saw it, I saw it leave. I saw it leave Sol's side of the bed.

    ©olive_pendergast

    #Moon #Sun #Goodbye

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    "Farewell Sun"

    I realized, there and then, you'll know, you'll just know when a soul has finally departed.

    I saw it, I saw it leave. I saw it leave Sol's side of the bed.

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    I Was Here

    I’m not one of those people who has spent a lot of time thinking about death, or imagining her own death, or dreaming of it, or wanting it. At least I didn’t think I was. But so much shit has happened in the last year of my life that I am questioning whether I even have a life, or if what I thought was my life is actually an illusion, or maybe a delusion. Because it doesn’t seem like living to me. It seems like persevering, like that’s the most I can hope for. I’m not that old, but I’m already so tired. Even getting out of bed each morning seems like an enormous chore. Life seems to be about endurance, not enjoyment, not fulfillment. I don’t see the point. If someone told me I could go back and undo my birth, I think I might. I really do.


    Is that the same as wanting to die? And if so, what does that mean?

  • olive_pendergast 46w

    Dear Friend,

    I know the world is changing quickly, and I couldn't tell you why. It's beyond my understanding but I'd love it if we tried. Growing older every moment, time's falling through my hands and I don't have to know the meaning but I'd love to have a chance.

    These days so much has changed
    I stay awake though it's hard sometimes
    I'd love to know what you think
    Oh, I miss when you'd share what was on your mind.