Yoo niceu paprika ��

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  • officially_ray 4d


    I'm.. I'm not happy around you anymore
    And I swear it's not you, it's me

    I don't understand there's always a hint
    A hint of worry behind my smile

    A weight in the pit of my stomach when I'm around you

    I don't like it, you make me feel insecure?

    It's not jealousy, it's not resentment

    I miss the warmth in your hugs and the sparkle in your eyes

    You feel like an oasis, you are there but its not true
    It's not true that even if your mouth says you love me

    Your eyes scream volumes that your love has vanished

    You make me feel like autumn, although watching myself fall for you felt beautiful

    It's a bitter truth that I have fallen, for you at the cost of losing myself

    And I know it's foolish of me to try holding onto you in hope that it's just a nightmare

    But darling it's broad daylight and I don't know what to do

    The coldness of your winters, has reached my heart too

    It feels like falling for you was like walking into a home
    Which was never mine even if it almost did feel like home for a bit, almost

    And I guess this is where I become homeless?

  • officially_ray 7w

    I'm 20 but you're still 10

    You're like the cool breeze on a summer day
    You fill my emptiness like a cream filled cappuccino
    "Silly" I laughed at your milk- moustache
    Hearty giggles that you let out watching that stupid show on Netflix
    "Oh please, F. R. I. E. N. D. S is the best show dummy
    As we unintentionally slam those matching pillows into each other's faces
    Your presence that fills the room, like your bonsai filled balcony
    You loved autumn like you loved being carefree
    Like those cinnamon leaves that wither from a maple tree
    You started falling away, fading from my clasp,from photo frames
    Where are you now? You've left me in Autumn
    Even after you promised you'll stay with me
    Through the winter till the spring
    "I want to watch the sakura festival with you"
    I've been waiting, since I was 10
    I'm twice that age now,Where are you?
    I've never seen the spring, because I've been waiting for you
    In the winter, freezing in the cold, yet burning in the desire
    For you to clasp my hands and run away with me to the spring
    And for once and for all, to watch the cherries blossom
    promising that you are actually here and it's not chimerical
    It's not true that I'm 20 and you're still 10
    You're still here right?

  • officially_ray 14w

    To the lover I lost.

    There was an image prompt in my poetry class today and here's what I wrote, although I'm so sorry I couldn't share the image here.

    I wrote this in the context of a guy who lost his girlfriend.
    Maybe they just broke up, or maybe she's suffering with amnesia.

    I just felt like sharing so...

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    To the lover I lost

    Head empty heart clouded
    I yearn for your blazing touch as I turn numb
    There's nothing that excites me anymore
    Knowing that I can no more dwell into your pretty eyes
    And I could never again feel your warm embrace
    I wish it didn't hurt me so much
    I wish it didn't shatter me to the core
    I loved you, only you and then I lost you
    I still cry over things I have no control about
    But when it comes to you I have no tears to cry about
    Because I really thought we'd make it till the end
    What a wicked game it is!
    We're soulmates that aren't meant to be
    But then again when you walk past me
    But then again when your eyes meet mine
    I hope you'd remember
    Remember all that has been forgotten
    For all I know I loved you, and then I lost you

  • officially_ray 20w

    ۝ Wily ۝

    I'm learning to believe and accept
    that no matter what I will ever do
    I will never be enough for you
    I'm learning to accept that
    no matter how hard I try,
    you will never be gratified
    I have learnt that no matter
    who I become, I will always be a failure
    that you'd wish to hide
    Or maybe
    I'm just your vitrine doll that you decorate
    to heed your liking
    and when I try to be who I am
    you break me down and hide me out
    I'm learning to believe and accept
    nonetheless I'm just your puppet
    who you only love to tamper with.

  • officially_ray 21w

    Nonsense, but that's how I feel at times...

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    I seeked your comfort,
    thought you understood me
    But at the end of the day, you and I,
    Are just by passers.
    I'm just another stranger you're making
    memories with.
    I know, I know I haven't made people proud,
    But when I come running to you
    to show my new poem, I don't see the proud smile anymore
    You were patient with me, and stayed longer than people usually do
    But I think, here it ends.
    I have to let go of you, I know you've already did
    But when you see me in sight, please don't run away.
    Please keep saying you'll be there ,even if you won't.
    Give me a reassuring smile, saying it will be okay, even if it won't.
    Because you've become my home,

  • officially_ray 23w

    Nonsense, but that's how I feel at times.

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    Trauma haunting me harder this time
    Guilt swallowing me into darkness
    Anxiety crawling from underneath my bed
    Panic muffling my screams for help
    Chained by the past, wounded by love
    Scarred by the ones I loved
    I silently fall asleep, to my own wailing
    Waking up to new demons everyday
    They come lurking again at night
    All I had to do was to realise,
    That I was stuck in a time warp called past.

  • officially_ray 30w

    #genuine_readers #whatever

    Me to writers block: I know you'll always stay!��

    There was a concert today, I'm so overwhelmed ��

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    Teach me.

    You asked me why I couldn't smile
    It was just a picture, soon will be a memory
    Everyone with brightest smiles
    And I'll be searching for my lost one
    Looking at people smile
    Like its the only thing they've
    been doing all their life
    Oh how wish I could make you feel the same
    You came without a warning label
    Made me feel extraordinary
    And the next moment, discarded me like dross
    You were the same person
    Who said - "I'll be here for you"
    Only to push me away when I needed you the most
    Now you're standing here smiling like psychopath
    Could you teach me how to push away my anxiety
    cause I know you're good at throwing things away
    Oh common, Please show me how to smile,
    Even if you'd throw me away again
    I need you the most, right now, just now
    And I hate myself for that, because I can never push you away like you did.
    I'm in a mess of unrequited love.

  • officially_ray 35w


    I wonder how different I used to be
    I loved myself and the world around me
    Like a wave you came, splashing at me
    A fool I was to let you drag me deep within
    Love is what I felt it was
    Nightmare it turned out to be
    You didn't let me drown
    You didn't let me breathe
    Trapped in your dreams
    You won't set me free
    All I am is a pitiful puppet
    You play me all day but won't throw me away
    Oh how bad I wish
    That it would come to an end
    I'm sick and tired of being a game

  • officially_ray 41w


    Yes. We do feel like giving up. Sometimes, or maybe most of the times. But, let's just not give up yet. This was when I felt like giving up. I'm not happy now, not yet, but I'm better than what I was yesterday.

    And I don't hate myself for that. Yesterday's me is still me, today's me is me, tomorrow's me is also me. But I still deserve all the love, so do you!

    Hang in there. Good times are coming too.

    #nonsense #genuine_readers

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    Day without me

    And of all the times ,
    I think of this one particular day,
    when I'll no more be walking on this loam,
    when I'll be buried deep in the womb of this orb,
    and if I could ever be free of this morose trap,
    Will I ever be able to sleep peacefully? ,
    To rest and never wake up.
    For all I know
    I'm tired, of trying,
    trying to be like one of you,
    trying to be the perfect you,
    so for once when I will rest in peace
    let me be myself and let me escape,
    Just like I always do,
    I've waited too long,
    trying to fit into this world,
    A day without me sounds good to you?
    Me too..
    A day without me sounds perfect to me too

  • officially_ray 45w


    Nepenthe: something that make make you forget your pain and sufferings.


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    And so he became the light in her darkness,
    A home she longed for in her distraught times,
    For once he shone bright like sunshine,
    Over her scars and her shattered heart,
    He had become her Nepenthe ,
    He brought her back to eunoia.