Know why I call myself nobody? Ever felt directionless, passionless, meaningless, worthless? I feel that everyday Yes I feel happy, satisfied, angry, sad, inspired and all that for fleeting moments too; But mostly I feel empty. I feel no fire inside. I feel like that machine which is working even though the light inside has stopped working. I want to scream and I want to sing and I want to dance and run away I want to learn and write and I want to help people I want to play and skip and travel and swim and dream and get lost. But I cant be everything at once. And I cant sacrifice cause I feel I am missing again I call myself Nobody cause I cant be just Anybody, just one single person . Cause nobody is there that I can call my best friend All of them hide things from me cause they think I cant relate & understand & solve. All of them need Somebody else and not me Nobody is there I can call my guide and my direction Cause I cannot give them anything in return, I am lost myself Nobody is there I can always lean on because nobody thinks they can depend on me. Cause Nobody will be affected if i disappear tomorrow I may stir a headline and nothing more Nobody's life will be affected. Thats who I am I am NOBODY
And just as I thought I am finally lying down, finally going to sleep. I am wide wake now. Awaken by this deep pit in my stomach. No you cannot name everything in life. And just as I probe through a gazilion thoughts on my mind, Only thing my search always ends on How to explain my depraved soul? Longing of acceptance. Longing of being useful to people around me. And not being completely worthless for once. Why this feeling that you can never belong? That you can never choose. That you can never be two persons at once. That you can never be enough. That however much you try everyday. How much you fight your insecurities everyday. Every night you will still lie down with eyes wide open Tumbling down the tunnel of despair, Threatened by this train of maleficient thoughts, You created for yourself.
I do not do small talk. No shallow waters; Its either the deep or the shores. Talk to me about life & loss, Hate & love, Science & art, Dont just talk weather.
I do not talk much. But could go on for hours about shit that actually matters. Life is short. Life is unpredictable. Talk about how real feelings & emotions could be. Talk about passion. Talk about humanity. But all we talk about is daily routine life.
When do we talk about sparks, adventures & universe? When do we talk about goals & plans, and how to achieve happiness? When shall we talk about truth & lies? When do we question on matters? When do we talk about our purpose? Our friendship? Our relationships?
How much time until we be comfortable with each other? How much time till we bare our souls to each other? For life is short. Life is unpredicable.
You didn't realise did you? That you were lucky that you didn't had to see my dark side A side consumed by fear, sadness & loneliness
You were lucky an introvert opened up her thoughts, even if a little, to you A broken girl who can't even find complete words to describe her feelings What did you even like in me? Whatever it was, was an illusion For I didn't show you enough for that to happen I didn't even open up enough for that
You didn't realise did you? That my 'no' was a blessing in disguise No you never thought that did you? That all this while I was protecting you You'd never realise will you? Go on, spread my reputation Of a heart as cold as ice ❄