I know this rage is going to die young So, as the world says just a look is not enough, even a touch is a small part of a big cause, what cuts through is what completes everything, A peck at your brows and one just behind the ears and above the neck, like the ploughing of a barren land and digging down the seeds in the middle of nowhere.
There's an anguish I have left in each sentence I have written. And the reason is I don't have the power to be kind. I befriended a Psychologist and that's the only good decision I have made this year.
Days are passing by, and I have been silent mostly. The ideal Kunal.
There are people out there who want to be sexually desired by many to escape the feeling of being unlovable, I ain't one of them. I feel everyone deserves to be loved in one or the other way.
The fear I had is going away, gradually. I am back with people who crave listening to me, who don't go away while I am speaking, and I feel I deserve this, for being the same, don't I?
I am Kunal, I have never made anyone hate their body, I didn't destroy someone's self esteem by cheating and lying to them. I have been a very powerful person throughout my life, trying to help others and implement the changes on myself.
And it's very liberating to know that every problem I faced wasn't my problem. I told someone that I wish I had cheated on them too and it's such a wrong thought. I never even tried to make her feel jealous. I could have but I didn't.
It's very evident that people fall for me because of the way I talk, but believe me I don't use it as a weapon. I was cheesy, romantic, I sexted, shared sexual memes and replied to sexual memes that came from a single place. What if I wasn't this guy? Then I am sure half of the girls I would have flirted with would have been from Mirakee itself. But I never did.
Now, there are no excuses for me being an asshole too, I was anxious because I never got what I deserved, I never got the same amount of attention I gave, can you believe it? It's the first time ever, was the person even worth it that I took back to back hits and still demand everything?
The feeling of shame is natural. Your silence on actions gives other the consent. And Silence is not consent whether in matters of love or sex.
My character isn't weak, it was made weak by throwing circumstances.
You weaken your character by going back to someone who emotionally destroyed you.
Don't ever cross oceans for someone who wouldn't jump in a puddle for you. And it makes sense.
I am better when I speak less, ain't I? But I have no wish to be a mystery because I can talk about everything and still be a mystery.
My voice is my saviour, it loves to love and it loves to hate.
I can call out anyone on their bullshit, closest of friends, a prima donna or a king because a friend is someone who always wants to see you in a better place not in a shithole of self induced toxic habits.
If your friends let you be, then they aren't better than foes.
My inner roar pertains to what some mouths speak or do. There are so many spatial rearrangements between two people who are sitting beside each other. I have a habit of reading minds, and it's a horrific one, some of the revelations don't harm me because it doesn't come with me losing my self esteem.
Aforementioned past looks good if it remains there, you don't tie a leash to it and smile while looking back at it and wear a veil when you look infront. The present would only respect your past if you leave it. I have no other choice but to write what I felt and feel.
From a stout shoulder that smiled at you from miles away to someone who doubts himself now. I used to believe that every decision we take is best, based on the knowledge and evaluation we have at that point of time and it does nurture you with maturity, but at what cost? At the cost of knowing a lot about someone.
I have a knack of knowing things, I have a habit of reading minds, you see where am I getting? When you explore the contours of a mind, you come to know things, now either it cripples you down or gives you the clarity.
Asking questions is natural for me. I am always interested in knowing, doesn't mean I am affirming that I am interested in someone, asking questions for me is just like asking myself what will happen next before turning the pages of a book.
Reading comes natural to me, and a book is no different than a mind.