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  • nightpen 4w

    Grave(hope) of the Fireflies 2021

    ---
    When you forget the past
    It will outlast the present
    Symphony is then dissonance
    Destroyed by human definition
    Harmony can be preserved, face the darkness
    Build the light, the future is all that we prevent..
    ---

    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 4w

    Misplaced Childhood

    ---
    I was raised in America
    Land of the free
    So many horrid lies
    You broke our fragile lives
    We live surviving our shattered dreams
    ---

    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 5w

    They Who Revel in the Wind

    --hope in silence, beauty in the dark--


    In the face of Hell
    In the maelstrom of death
    I will laugh at a fool
    I will draw in life's breath
    Living as a free entity I'll shift as I morph

    Reveling in the winds of change..

    Cherishing their warmth..

    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 5w

    A Real Ghost

    Dad's birthday was yesterday
    All I know is he seems alive to this day
    Yes he is gone but I'm haunted in a unique way
    I miss him as I waste the days away
    His ghost is either here or me
    His ghost is real
    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 5w

    Mom & Dad

    Just a kid. Happiness was love. Simple.
    I went from their hope & fractured love..
    To their faulty love made new in hope anew
    Mom.. Dad.. Oh wow.. I miss you..
    I was hope from love.. 1, 2, 3, and then 0

    Then I was 5 ..
    Still newly alive..

    Then something happened to us..

    How did I live?

    3 fractured into silent shattering..
    Half before 4..

    On a clock of infinite midnight..

    How did I live?

    The marriage died before 4..

    I was new.. I miss my first look at family..

    We could have been beautiful..

    But us 3 fractured at 2 on thursday
    I heard it was after Easter Sunday..
    The last of 3. A forgotten memory.

    Mom and Dad gave each other enough

    After all, I'm here.. Right?
    I'm.. here..

    Always too much.. Never enough..
    Love is too tough..

    It was passion as fire but never eternal
    With words from the external..

    Hidden hearts can hide internally..

    Why did I hide from our hearts?

    Dad.. I always remember you now..

    Mom.. It's ok.. I know why you left him..

    I just wish secrets hadn't ripped us apart..

    I'm so sorry, Momma..

    I only know because I became him..
    I learned more than him though.. Still..

    Took me years to survive..
    To be more aware than him..
    To be more effectively kind..

    Yeah.. There is no pride in that..

    I'm saying my facts. It is what it is.

    People are who they are.

    Too many cry to live.

    The secrets our hearts hold..

    How did I live?

    Anyone can change..

    Never steal the chance we all forever have..

    Dad..

    How did I live?

    He did his best to raise me..
    He worked and suffered alone

    Mom was mentally ill
    Like me she spent years in the lie of a pill

    Like Dad, I grew up tortured..

    Agony is a pain in my chest..

    I am a man ? No.. Please.. Don't say that..
    I'm a human..

    So many people..

    Products of childhoods fractured..

    Gotta be manly..
    So people get what they expect..

    Brawny? No.
    Agony.

    Attraction.. A chance at an unbroken family
    Maybe thats all it is for some of us..

    To the fathers..
    Don't hate your children's mothers..

    She's your baby mama

    She was just dying from the drama, bro
    Or the drinks and the drama both, bro..

    A heart can die while still breathing
    Just don't end your family with lies
    You can always fix yourself..

    If this is your case? It may help your kids..

    5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. 14, 15 , 16..

    Call me cold. Humanity is warm.

    I still can't figure us all out for real..
    Society and its assumptions..

    We know the souls of women, right?

    We know the souls of men, right?

    Nah.. You just know you..
    Or you know how you are expected to be..

    I recommend choosing you, yourself..
    Always.

    17, 18, 19.. Oh man..

    I am healthy but I think I may be dying..

    Its inside. Thanks for the compliment.
    I know I got a great smile..

    How am I alive? Is this dying?

    20, 21, 22..

    Life offers what I expect..

    Nothing is beautiful without makeup now
    I wish you never wore it..

    There is no one who seems like a real you..
    Just lies of appearances..
    Souls concealed in hidden silences..

    I gotta try to create what I lost..

    Yeah.. I do have a perfect smile I guess..
    I feel like I have to..

    To the mothers..

    Don't hate your children's fathers..

    We men may have charm..
    The image of a magazine cover..
    Gotta look great to hide our pain..
    We can cry and its ok..
    If you've known us long enough anyway..

    So our strength is initial attraction..
    Good hearts so stoic in self defense..

    A person is a person..

    We all can hurt and be hurt..

    The psychological effect is hell

    Societal expectations.. they can harm

    We send men and women both..
    Ripping down a highway to moral hell..

    But it is assumptions to blame..

    It is painful because as children it can start
    Expectations that rip families apart
    While we just wonder why we hurt
    Or why the world seems so insane..

    Sometimes.. we forget how to be alive..
    Took me years to even see I was alive..

    Mom.. Dad..

    23, 24, 25, 26, 27..

    I wrote this poem to help..
    To help anyone who will listen..

    Mom.. Dad.. I stopped buying bottles..
    I couldn't stand myself. Dying in 7/11s..

    I'm sorry to you both..

    If my intent to help others fails

    If my poems are too crazy..

    If it lands me smackdab in Hell..

    When I truly meant to help..

    Maybe someone else..
    Anyone else..

    Won't end up there as well.

    I miss you..

    Mom.. Dad..

    I love you..

    Thank you. You taught me how to live.
    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 5w

    As The Daylight Approaches

    He has to write, within him is good & evil
    He has to fight to balance his free will
    Never you only he. Never worry he'll break free
    The sun brings the words for the night
    The night turn them to poetry
    The cycle repeats, never alone are you nor he
    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 6w

    The Death Raven (A tribute to Edgar Allen Poe)

    Like Edgar Allen, this poem was inspired..
    Like Poe himself, a subject displayed but..
    He had Lenore, a rap-tap in his coldest core..
    So he wrote 'The Raven'.. Displayed himself..
    His played words, his soul for a Death Raven..

    I feel downtrodden and broken
    Kindness' brambles are such a hell unspoken 

    I am in shambles. You never know..
    What you have.. until it is gone..
    All along my fake was strong..
    I was wrong.. My faith didn't belong..
    The Death Raven helped me along forever..

    Now though.. He is no more..

    No discernable movement, perched so still..

    Forevermore the Death Raven then flew away..

    He always misguided me... He is nowhere..
    He is my needs and cruelty.. Yet I want more..


    Eat my heart, I would rather have pain..

    Than nothing at all.. 


    He left me with our tragedies..
    Took my love and its subsidies..

    I am broke & broken with thousands in hand
    But onwards always is fate's band..

    Marching in ignorance and I can't stop them..


    I may die

    It quite literally took this tragedy..

    To see what was directly in front of you..

    Of me too..


    Our wars are stupid 
    We kill cupids
    Money for the masses..
    Weak and weary are our young..

    It is so wrong.. 
    How do so many people help it along?


    I am revealing what you ignore..


    When your life is on the line..
    The blame stops , the ego dies. Arrogance..
    It just simply dies too...

    The Death Raven stops tapping at the door..
    He starts ripping you apart..
    Plunges his beak straight into your heart
    Ripping into you and taking you out of you..

    Then flies away.. 

    Leaving you dying and crying..
    "Please, my love, come home.."

    He returns to his perch at your chamber door

    You beg him to leave but he stays so still..
    Like a feathery double-edged sword..
    Ready to kill..



    "Quothe the raven nevermore"



    Death flies on swift wings..
    Are you ready? I wasn't..
    My advice..? Live in the moment..

    Time is a relentless arrow.. 
    Nevertheless your opinion is narrow..


    You may put up some sort of futile fight.. 
    But.. 
    The Death Raven is faster than light..

    You are powerless. I am powerless.
    We are powerless..

    Earth is just a pale blue dot 
    So be kind to one another..

    She is the only home we have ever known..
    But never forever more..

    The Death Raven is still there
    He is patient with rough & infinite patience 


    He waits..


    More cunning than a billion Gods
    More observant than a demagogue..
    Pitting Gods against Goddesses..


    I and you must live or be lost..


    You ask why humanity, family, and love..
    Is starting to truly fall apart..

    I am no hero.. but..

    All I can say is this.. 

    If I could go back.. Back to when he lived..
    I would ask him..

    Mr. Poe, decipherer of souls..

    Can we save ourselves?

    He would turn to me silently..

    His gaze upon my book's pages..
    He would say I am no sage
    That my horrors are engaged..
    That it is unlikely I will be saved..
    I will live paranoid.. Or die unmade..
    Having my will to change be slowly deranged..
    Forevermore.. 

    A woman named Lenore..
    She was named differently in my life..


    We are now irrelevant for each other..


    "Quothe the raven nevermore"


    The Death Raven has placed his mark..


    My brightest hope is the fading embers of heart
    A true hope..


    A prayer for life from my soul's faint spark..
    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 6w

    Gaia

    Holding the moon close
    Earth had captured a freebird
    She freed it shining

    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 6w

    Crystal Tears

    I swear he can't care, my mirror gets older
    He gets colder, liquid sin in hand he stares
    He stares to my core, knows how to be me
    Say I'm ok, says he loves me, takes a sip
    Where is God? This man is destroying me


    I was the dude with a bible in a church pew..

    It never changed my mirror..

    I listened and ended addictions but..


    He was there, approaching from the doubt
    Out of light of day, down from the starlight

    I abused science to justify forgetting God
    I used God's silence to drown in a lie
    I used to wonder in bed when I cried..
    I wondered why..

    I think I know now but..

    That mirror is cracked Crystal, Tears of lies
    Maybe its glass is why my heart died..
    I threw me onto my own self and got scared 
    Ran away to catholic masses..

    I never realized..
    I am that glass..

    Shattered in Crystal Tears..
    Liquid courage to drown my responsibility.
    He doesn't stare. He cares. He's crying out.

    Am I really here?
    Yeah, I am..
    Am I scared..? Yeah, I'm terrified..


    What will he do to me next?


    Can I escape that he's been praying?
    That I was the one who was self-slaying?


    I found solid ground.


    Forget this doubt..
    I'm staying right here.

    The man in the mirror fused with me.
    We are one. We always were.

    I just had to wake the hell up first.
    Thank God I did before riding in a hearse..

    Crystal Tears become glass unbroken.
    Slowly closing the door on a past of affliction.
    Doubt can be a dangerous addiction.


    That man is my hope.


    He always was.
    ©nightpen

  • nightpen 6w

    Stasis

    A few years, a few decades, a century..
    Thousands, millions, and billions..
    We're so small against the backdrop of reality
    It's timeline leaves me in awe
    I know nothing yet I am content..


    I'm spilling my heart..


    If life is so short..
    The aperture through which reality sees itself..
    Then let us live kindly and happily..
    If we are nothing comparable..
    Then our power is nothing as well..
    Maybe in realizing that..
    We'll become something..


    I'm leaving my heart in danger's way..


    We may even give a dead universe..
    More meaning than it could ever know
    We could tame the stars
    Be more than ever before
    Create new islands of life
    In an eternal darkness..
    Something worth living for..

    We could be the beginning
    A start of what nothing never knew..
    A spark of light for the dark of eternal night..


    I'm mourning for what I've done to my heart..


    We could be the beginning of everything..
    The end of nothing as it becomes far more..

    In spilling my heart.. 
    I realize why so many don't..


    I'm remembering my heart now..


    I'm saving it too..
    ©nightpen