my_tiny_chapter

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A few things kept true, and some made up story.

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  • my_tiny_chapter 16h

    Dear You,
    You might think
    I have forgotten us.
    But only I know
    the void between my words
    and the coldness of my fingertips...

    #37
    I still crave your kiss,
    your touch, your love --
    But I’m trying to accept
    you had enough.
    While walking around,
    living like I’m tough,
    I must see now
    that it’s totally over
    and done.
    Whilst,
    in the imperative silence
    of the moonlit stillness,
    Words murmured still exposed
    an unsated, caged, yearning ;
    an insatiable thirst
    that aloneness yet can not quench.
    A trap set by
    the light of the winter blue moon.
    Perfectly placed
    to catch the spilled secrets
    of a moonstruck midnight spell.
    Awakening to find
    a paling illusion’s memory
    laid bare in words,
    stranded on the cotton sheets of dawn ~
    Here,
    Silent stretches fill my time,
    till my yarn unravelled,
    line by line.
    I beg my heart to capture,
    to remember.
    I wouldn't want to forget us.
    Like permanent tattoos
    and ancient wallpaper
    I want you inked and plastered
    in journals and poetry.
    As ink oozed
    from the seeping wound,
    stanzas splashed
    across each page,
    lmmortalizing our history 
    in strokes of blue tears.
    The tears that are meaningless.
    Lie down as if asleep.
    Oh' dear
    You were an explosion of pleasure
    Whose interest I tried to measure,
    Where the intensity of our relations
    Once make any other love
    seem inhumane.
    Thus, I learned,
    "We cannot be possessive,
    over what we do not own."
    Oh Sweetheart,
    If only we had some more time
    to savour this sweet moment...
    Fixing my own heart,
    keeping it strong and steady
    I slowly walked away,
    I pray for these eyes
    never for once to look back again.
    Since,
    I don't believe in losing
    ones you love
    They're always just there.
    Not lost,
    Not needing to be found.
    People just change,
    And maybe
    that was worse
    than losing you...
    Nonetheless,
    I know.
    I shall love you long enough,
    to keep you alive in my poetries
    even though tragically, not in reality.

    Read More

    #37
    ( Fabricated Nostalgia )


    Tonight I'm lost
    Somewhere,
    in my memories
    His face flashes by.
    Fabricated by nostalgia
    and romanticised by
    my half-sized heart...
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 1w

    OMG thank you @writersnetwork for reposting me. Hugs.... hugsss..... ������

    @writersbay
    #fatec

    Bleak Constellation

    Here I am,
    in between
    slowly sinking
    and
    barely breathing.
    I lie tangled
    in the white confusion of you,
    For all the rituals
    and the charms,
    and lucky numbers too
    had not produced a happy life,
    or made futures anew.
    We meet,
    We fall,
    and again
    We lose it all.
    And I can only sadly laugh
    at such mockery that fate
    keeps bestowing upon me.
    I am trying
    to make my heart whole again
    In between the songbirds
    and avalanches of dancing feet --
    But,
    here is the thing about love,
    Not all of it
    is meant to last,
    Sometimes
    when it fades,
    It will make perfect sense.
    Therefore,
    I find comfort
    in knowing
    ashes can't ignite....

    Read More

    Bleak Constellation

    Perhaps it's fated.
    Maybe written
    on the milky way
    that my whole life
    was made
    only to be left
    and fade..
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 3w

    IMPERMANENCE

    Between the tension of the road
    and the misfortune of its master
    I say "hello"
    like an egg laid by chance
    in a nest made for spiders.
    I do not belong here!
    But the webs tie me head first.
    Engulfed in melancholia,
    beneath the duvet of love,
    I scribbled thoughts.
    Trying to comb
    through tangled webs of fickleness.
    My mind knows no words
    to undo this crimson stain
    on my heart.
    I wanted him
    to be the one,
    to show me,
    How ceaseless,
    passionate
    and wild
    true love can be...
    But as sad as it is,
    some dreams are simply
    too good to be true.
    And I, however,
    have always gravitated
    to the dark edges of the sky,
    and it’s friction,
    with the refusal to wear away.
    This disturbing taste of obsession
    is in between my teeth
    and stuck underneath my tongue.
    I searched for a thought,
    that confronts the present,
    to reassure me
    that the future isn't an illusion.
    But,
    The passionless heart,
    paints the world in a pale,
    opaque hue --
    And I am
    too grammaticaly fluent
    in pain and loss
    from a man who adores love,
    but only if its someone else’s.
    Avoiding my love
    as if it’s a cold he might catch.
    Nonetheless,
    I've come to realize-
    I'm at the mercy of biochemistry.
    I'm chained to him,
    forever in binds,
    As Cupid with his arrow,
    shot my soul
    in a ridiculous fashion,
    while I dreamt of him
    in colours that never exist.
    Never before
    has the end of a chapter
    been so tangible
    where I am still turning the page.
    Perhaps,
    Lovers at the molecular level
    where words dissected into letters,
    then again, into guttural sounds
    where a simple outcry is an elegy...

    Read More

    Impermanence

    We walk these shorelines
    leaving nothing but footprints
    that waves wash away.
    ( Haiku )
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 3w

    For a while, it works
    Yet time passes by,
    It fades.


    Tu me manques
    ( Coldest of Blue )

    I like the town on rainy nights.
    When my titillated brain is stimulated in loops of a silky velvet touch, and my thoughts trickle with language which is only a translation of a silence, that is perhaps divine.

    The coolness of night, carries my sorrow in kind. And in this petty vividness, I wonder,
    "If I could shrink the ocean to be close would he come to save me ?"

    I closed the eyes that once saw things differently, as my thoughts stroll aimlessly into my imagination from what love once was. The feeling has became an ugly truth
    with so much deceit and inconsistency. And the length and intensity of this grieving stages varying on the amount of betrayal, nostalgia, affection, broken trust, and anger ;
    Flirting with my insensibilities, teasing as a mirage that promises grandeur in the parched sands of my desert.

    For a while, it works
    Yet with time passes by,
    It fades.

    With stale cigarettes on my lips, I watched the  world with heavy eyelids. Tiny wavelets sang sonorous songs in delight - the tones that made me want to dance and cry in the same time. Aren't they most divine?

    A shiver in the spine, reminded me that I've gotten so sick from the mess inside my heart. Nonetheless, from the layers of memory darkened by distance, I recovered that feeling.

    Smiling, I retire back.

    Soon, the internal monologue is coming to an end. It's getting darker. Eyes are closing. Mind is quiet and quieter. My hands trembled, as if trying to catch the memories which are fleeting away for one last time, but my heart did not. No fear held me back. Only one thing bothered me. Would I continue to survive? OR would I die this time?

    I've kissed that lips and felt the bliss, and felt things I will truly miss.

    This memory rhythmically tapped my back, led me to the cozy cloud of sleep, when outside raged the rainy storm. Dozzing me off to wake up in another world!

    I must admit, I still miss him many times, even when I don't have the right anymore...

    Read More

    Tu me manques
    ( Coldest of Blue )


    Be careful who you'd die for.
    Some people will let you!
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 4w

    I left my heart in December,
    in a strife that I surrendered.
    Tensions streaming through a dam
    And now it’s all recycled.
    There are no words,
    for stars littering the sky
    at daylight,
    and there's no use
    in semantics for what unravels
    in front of me.
    How blindly I created divinity
    through a lonely touch,
    while you lit a fire in my chest
    and evacuated only yourself.
    No words,
    No warning,
    Not even the butterflies
    made it out alive.
    You made a mess and moved on,
    Leaving only
    broken promises as payment.
    Misplaced through heartache,
    was a sense of belonging
    from a kindered soul.
    Tonight,
    Photos of you glisten,
    Resting in an undiscovered refinery,
    Months worth of "I love yous"
    wasted by lies.
    As nightmares creep in
    through my eyelids,
    amid the darkness
    of this quiet house --
    I let your hand
    and my grudges go
    Yet,
    I've asked your ghost to stay.
    So,here I am,
    reminiscing painted blue skies.
    Nostalgic,
    for back then
    for us,
    for you...

    Read More

    Undiscovered Refinery

    I stand tall and recall
    the times and live bygone.
    I still feel the haunting of your presence
    everytime I write.
    As if ghost of you keeps rattling on......
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 4w

    #36
    I miss you in reveries,
    and silent dreams,
    in distractions,
    and the mindful winds I breathe.
    I hurl your name
    to the echoing breeze,
    Blowing ferociously
    over the closed passage. 
    The deceptive murmurs
    from your stained lips,
    tastes like bourbon and honey
    mixed with thin flakes of gold.
    A taste almost divine,
    sinfully saccharine sweet.
    Everything about you
    never fail to overwhelms my senses.
    Until I lost myself
    in soundtracks and sonatas.
    Here the mournful requiems,
    and the notes guide me along
    to understand the emotions
    I couldn’t put into words,
    Where my mind
    divide instead of multiply,
    then compartmentalize
    all the things I want to say.
    But rationalization clears it's throat
    and speaks in a somber way.
    Now even my dreams
    inflict me with pain.
    The dreams that once
    used to be my happy place.
    Which once used to be my escape.
    Oh'
    how I long for you...
    but all I hear is goodbye.
    We were once invincible,
    and I could have laid
    in your arms for years...
    I really would have --
    If only you were ready to quit that place,
    and meet me across state lines.
    There,
    We could have lived a little purple
    Throw a little glitter
    Drink a little liquor
    And dance,
    While you kiss me soft enough
    in that dream
    to wear away the pain
    of the time I spent without you.
    Alas!
    I am just a nobody.
    An absentee on a list never made.
    A shell of goodbyes
    and forgotten names.
    A daydreamer,
    relapse of colors that don’t exist,
    inter-dimensional crushes
    and sleeping with Picasso,
    Where I drink
    your cup of poison every day,
    In the hope that one day
    I will survive
    A full dose of your toxicity....

    Read More

    #36
    Unparalleled Devotion


    To my beautiful storm
    that once called me a home...
    I’m still having a daydream
    relapse of laying naked
    with vintage villains
    and stirring flakes of gold
    into my melanin.
    It seems,
    The colour of your eyes,
    and thoughts of you
    will never escape this mind.
    Even when
    the daylight fades,
    and nothing happen anymore.
    However,
    May you never change
    from what you are...
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 5w

    I once held
    all the power in my hand,
    And yet
    I chose to hand them all to you,
    Believing in the illusions
    you crafted in my cerebra.
    You chose to destroy me.
    Like a drug,
    You got me high,
    addicted,
    with the desperate consumption
    of your soul.
    I allowed you
    to mingle with my heart
    and artificially induce me
    with a provoked sense of belonging.
    A longing I never knew
    until I lapsed into a coma.
    However,
    Nothing lasts forever.
    I must have confused you
    for someone
    who would hold my hand
    when things got dark.
    I just wished,
    I had some closure.
    Nonetheless,
    I have always known
    how to plant roses
    upon the grave of my sorrow.
    With my soul gripping to live,
    and this mind weakening,
    I am still yearning to remember
    the feelings of your hands
    lulling my weary mind
    back into sanity.
    But,
    You vanished,
    a mist into thin air.
    My heart left,
    ever since in this disrepair.
    Each day
    I mourn the space between us two
    While you remain aloof
    and blind to me.
    It is I,
    who is the fragile one now,
    Living,
    under the weight of an avalanche.
    I’ve been needing your lies,
    I’ve been craving your poison,
    I’ve been missing your demons.
    The air kisses me too, sometimes
    almost like the way you do,
    .
    .
    .
    it's not enough,
    but it's all I have...

    Read More

    Catatonia

    With my soul gripping to live,
    and this mind weakening,
    I am still yearning to remember
    the feelings of your hands
    lulling my weary mind
    back into sanity.
    Truly,
    I have always known
    how to plant roses
    upon the grave
    of my sorrow.
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 5w

    Quiet Shade of Blue

    Miles away from my head
    My mind wonders
    through the vacuum of space,
    I keep your existence alive
    by fabrication,
    sewing selective memories
    in the lobes of my brain,
    but they manifest
    And my dreams --
    are the seams of my sanity
    being pulled out.
    A constant migraine
    hammered into my skull,
    everyday I burst out randomly
    and cry so hard
    until my knees quake.
    My sadness does not end,
    it folds me, unfolds me; creases me
    and turns me into a paper airplane-
    I float.
    How do i explain to you
    there are parts of my life
    that move slower
    without you in them?
    I am learning the autopsy of a soul:
    extracting a heart from the chest,
    as it's sense of belonging
    was never there.
    An inability to weigh the words
    bleeding from valves,
    aside lungs I'm unable to breathe through.
    Ahh - Yes,
    You became that important to me.
    And I wonder
    where I did wrong
    to make you start to lie again
    and pushed me away,
    when I grew up
    wanting only your trust and attention.
    I pushed myself trying to win you back,
    but there was nothing to even try,
    when that’s not what you want.
    How did those feelings fade away
    I guess I will never knew.
    I do not even have
    the courage to ask you
    what is real
    and what is fake.
    Sweet memories
    collapse with imagination—
    Seen as over indulgent frustration.
    And all that seems is unseeming.
    I just fear that one day
    I'll also forget
    the color of your eyes,
    the one thing spellbinding me
    with all these sweet memories
    as they gradually start to subside,
    with all emotions
    departed from the clouds of white
    that blinked upon time
    and then stopped.
    Here my tears became mathematical,
    as I remembered
    how you walked away,
    they drew 11 on my cheeks.
    I knew this time
    you weren't coming back
    so like dividing a 7 with 3,
    I remained here.
    Crystallizing,
    like the frost around my rib cage.
    A palette colder than the snow
    falling from outer space
    Ohh'
    How is it today,
    I am a quiet shade of blue?

    Read More

    Quiet Shade of Blue

    I keep your existence alive
    by fabrication,
    sewing selective memories.
    I remained here.
    Crystallizing,
    How do i explain to you
    there are parts of my life
    that move slower
    without you in them?
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 6w

    Dandelion Beauty

    When wisps of dandelions
    lay still in the blanket of your hair,
    and your eyes
    can no longer say I love you
    without your lips moving,
    I know my world has ended.
    I wished you could confess to me
    who you really are,
    and stop hiding your secrets,
    but,
    You held your tongue,
    fighting the desires
    you tried to hide within.
    Covered in sugary lies,
    lust lingers
    and love slowly dies.
    Some part of me
    will always want you,
    and will always wonder
    what we could have been,
    since,
    You taught me possessiveness.
    A love that was only mine.
    You taught me
    what it was to love somebody,
    just not enough
    to set them free easily.
    You taught me jealousy,
    showed me pain and anguish,
    at the end
    only to got another blame.
    You also taught me
    the way people can change,
    and the way they can stop loving us
    - Just like that - 
    There was a time
    I thought of adoration
    at the mere mention of your name,
    but it's now replaced
    with bitter resentment.
    In the miscalculated performance,
    you couldn't be faithful.
    My final lesson from you was
    a lesson to walk away for good,
    and never to come back.
    This is where I knew,
    I must learn to let go
    without the closure
    that I thought I deserve.
    However,
    If I continue to weep,
    Sorrow and pain won't let me sleep.
    At least, now
    The empty promise
    of you to always be there
    can finally be laid to rest.
    The phone
    might not ring anymore,
    my screen would not light up
    reading your name.
    but it takes one brave move
    to break a habit.
    I know I am fragile, Sweetheart.
    but not enough
    to crumple in your grasp...

    Read More

    Dandelion Beauty

    I will always
    trail my fingers
    along every wooden beam,
    and write wishes
    in the dust -
    Praying in voices
    you can’t hear
    Perhaps someday,
    you'll come to realize
    that a dandelion
    holds just the same amount
    of beauty as a rose and daisy.
    ©my_tiny_chapter

  • my_tiny_chapter 6w

    Inspired by
    the recent song of Atif Aslam : RAAT



    Frosted Chrysanthemums.

    Hello again, midnight thoughts —
    hello to your companion
    agony and woe.

    With a cigarette
    hanging between my fingers
    The perfume of liquor on my lips
    I think to myself
    that maybe
    I could've been more than this!
    The loneliness when you left
    made me ill,
    would have done better
    If I open the blinds,
    slipping out of the covers.
    But I laid here and wept
    as if I was a spoiled child,
    with a new toy
    that was taken away.
    Here,
    I live in a world all my own
    inside my head 
    through fantasy, I roam.
    Wilting memories are preserved,
    like frosted chrysanthemums.
    As night deepens
    and snowfalls come low,
    I think and think again
    about our postponed love—
    The hours we devoted
    to one another - cut through me.
    The desire to be nothing
    pertained to me,
    trading smeared blue inked letters
    written in my woes and goodbyes,
    that were premature.
    Two lifeless bodies
    Resting now in silence,
    Separated by aloofness
    Dead by distant hearts.
    Living in two different worlds,
    With different time zones
    Noone making any
    significant effort at all.
    Hanging the relation
    in between doubt and anguish.
    I have too many questions to ask
    before the earth come between us.  
    while the night,
    reminds me that you never left.
    Flooded thoughts
    run rampart through my soul,
    scrambled images
    I can barely see,
    and the memories will now
    forever be in the picture of a polaroid
    as we cease to exists in this world
    that was short lived
    for the existence of us two.
    With short breath that has slowed
    just like our recent lack of communication,
    I sing requiem ever sweet,
    yet can never be quite understood,
    as I crawled into my own coffin
    onto this half empty bed
    that swollowed me whole,
    where you still actively
    impregnated me with an omen
    that visits my clouded mind every night.
    My heart is heavy
    but no more I weep
    My eyes are closed
    but I can never sleep.
    How sad is it
    to be broken
    and not repaired...
    ©my_tiny_chapter

    Read More

    Frosted Chrysanthemums.

    Raat mera aieb chupana
    Badal ko ourna,
    tanha na chorna.
    Raat bhaari na hona,
    Raat khawab na khona.
    Raat mere sath theherna
    Needon mein jaagna,
    sanaatein todna...
    ( Raat Lyric )