Dear You, You might think I have forgotten us. But only I know the void between my words and the coldness of my fingertips...
#37 I still crave your kiss, your touch, your love -- But I’m trying to accept you had enough. While walking around, living like I’m tough, I must see now that it’s totally over and done. Whilst, in the imperative silence of the moonlit stillness, Words murmured still exposed an unsated, caged, yearning ; an insatiable thirst that aloneness yet can not quench. A trap set by the light of the winter blue moon. Perfectly placed to catch the spilled secrets of a moonstruck midnight spell. Awakening to find a paling illusion’s memory laid bare in words, stranded on the cotton sheets of dawn ~ Here, Silent stretches fill my time, till my yarn unravelled, line by line. I beg my heart to capture, to remember. I wouldn't want to forget us. Like permanent tattoos and ancient wallpaper I want you inked and plastered in journals and poetry. As ink oozed from the seeping wound, stanzas splashed across each page, lmmortalizing our history in strokes of blue tears. The tears that are meaningless. Lie down as if asleep. Oh' dear You were an explosion of pleasure Whose interest I tried to measure, Where the intensity of our relations Once make any other love seem inhumane. Thus, I learned, "We cannot be possessive, over what we do not own." Oh Sweetheart, If only we had some more time to savour this sweet moment... Fixing my own heart, keeping it strong and steady I slowly walked away, I pray for these eyes never for once to look back again. Since, I don't believe in losing ones you love They're always just there. Not lost, Not needing to be found. People just change, And maybe that was worse than losing you... Nonetheless, I know. I shall love you long enough, to keep you alive in my poetries even though tragically, not in reality.
Here I am, in between slowly sinking and barely breathing. I lie tangled in the white confusion of you, For all the rituals and the charms, and lucky numbers too had not produced a happy life, or made futures anew. We meet, We fall, and again We lose it all. And I can only sadly laugh at such mockery that fate keeps bestowing upon me. I am trying to make my heart whole again In between the songbirds and avalanches of dancing feet -- But, here is the thing about love, Not all of it is meant to last, Sometimes when it fades, It will make perfect sense. Therefore, I find comfort in knowing ashes can't ignite....
Between the tension of the road and the misfortune of its master I say "hello" like an egg laid by chance in a nest made for spiders. I do not belong here! But the webs tie me head first. Engulfed in melancholia, beneath the duvet of love, I scribbled thoughts. Trying to comb through tangled webs of fickleness. My mind knows no words to undo this crimson stain on my heart. I wanted him to be the one, to show me, How ceaseless, passionate and wild true love can be... But as sad as it is, some dreams are simply too good to be true. And I, however, have always gravitated to the dark edges of the sky, and it’s friction, with the refusal to wear away. This disturbing taste of obsession is in between my teeth and stuck underneath my tongue. I searched for a thought, that confronts the present, to reassure me that the future isn't an illusion. But, The passionless heart, paints the world in a pale, opaque hue -- And I am too grammaticaly fluent in pain and loss from a man who adores love, but only if its someone else’s. Avoiding my love as if it’s a cold he might catch. Nonetheless, I've come to realize- I'm at the mercy of biochemistry. I'm chained to him, forever in binds, As Cupid with his arrow, shot my soul in a ridiculous fashion, while I dreamt of him in colours that never exist. Never before has the end of a chapter been so tangible where I am still turning the page. Perhaps, Lovers at the molecular level where words dissected into letters, then again, into guttural sounds where a simple outcry is an elegy...
For a while, it works Yet time passes by, It fades.
Tu me manques ( Coldest of Blue )
I like the town on rainy nights. When my titillated brain is stimulated in loops of a silky velvet touch, and my thoughts trickle with language which is only a translation of a silence, that is perhaps divine.
The coolness of night, carries my sorrow in kind. And in this petty vividness, I wonder, "If I could shrink the ocean to be close would he come to save me ?"
I closed the eyes that once saw things differently, as my thoughts stroll aimlessly into my imagination from what love once was. The feeling has became an ugly truth with so much deceit and inconsistency. And the length and intensity of this grieving stages varying on the amount of betrayal, nostalgia, affection, broken trust, and anger ; Flirting with my insensibilities, teasing as a mirage that promises grandeur in the parched sands of my desert.
For a while, it works Yet with time passes by, It fades.
With stale cigarettes on my lips, I watched the world with heavy eyelids. Tiny wavelets sang sonorous songs in delight - the tones that made me want to dance and cry in the same time. Aren't they most divine?
A shiver in the spine, reminded me that I've gotten so sick from the mess inside my heart. Nonetheless, from the layers of memory darkened by distance, I recovered that feeling.
Smiling, I retire back.
Soon, the internal monologue is coming to an end. It's getting darker. Eyes are closing. Mind is quiet and quieter. My hands trembled, as if trying to catch the memories which are fleeting away for one last time, but my heart did not. No fear held me back. Only one thing bothered me. Would I continue to survive? OR would I die this time?
I've kissed that lips and felt the bliss, and felt things I will truly miss.
This memory rhythmically tapped my back, led me to the cozy cloud of sleep, when outside raged the rainy storm. Dozzing me off to wake up in another world!
I must admit, I still miss him many times, even when I don't have the right anymore...
I left my heart in December, in a strife that I surrendered. Tensions streaming through a dam And now it’s all recycled. There are no words, for stars littering the sky at daylight, and there's no use in semantics for what unravels in front of me. How blindly I created divinity through a lonely touch, while you lit a fire in my chest and evacuated only yourself. No words, No warning, Not even the butterflies made it out alive. You made a mess and moved on, Leaving only broken promises as payment. Misplaced through heartache, was a sense of belonging from a kindered soul. Tonight, Photos of you glisten, Resting in an undiscovered refinery, Months worth of "I love yous" wasted by lies. As nightmares creep in through my eyelids, amid the darkness of this quiet house -- I let your hand and my grudges go Yet, I've asked your ghost to stay. So,here I am, reminiscing painted blue skies. Nostalgic, for back then for us, for you...
#36 I miss you in reveries, and silent dreams, in distractions, and the mindful winds I breathe. I hurl your name to the echoing breeze, Blowing ferociously over the closed passage. The deceptive murmurs from your stained lips, tastes like bourbon and honey mixed with thin flakes of gold. A taste almost divine, sinfully saccharine sweet. Everything about you never fail to overwhelms my senses. Until I lost myself in soundtracks and sonatas. Here the mournful requiems, and the notes guide me along to understand the emotions I couldn’t put into words, Where my mind divide instead of multiply, then compartmentalize all the things I want to say. But rationalization clears it's throat and speaks in a somber way. Now even my dreams inflict me with pain. The dreams that once used to be my happy place. Which once used to be my escape. Oh' how I long for you... but all I hear is goodbye. We were once invincible, and I could have laid in your arms for years... I really would have -- If only you were ready to quit that place, and meet me across state lines. There, We could have lived a little purple Throw a little glitter Drink a little liquor And dance, While you kiss me soft enough in that dream to wear away the pain of the time I spent without you. Alas! I am just a nobody. An absentee on a list never made. A shell of goodbyes and forgotten names. A daydreamer, relapse of colors that don’t exist, inter-dimensional crushes and sleeping with Picasso, Where I drink your cup of poison every day, In the hope that one day I will survive A full dose of your toxicity....
I once held all the power in my hand, And yet I chose to hand them all to you, Believing in the illusions you crafted in my cerebra. You chose to destroy me. Like a drug, You got me high, addicted, with the desperate consumption of your soul. I allowed you to mingle with my heart and artificially induce me with a provoked sense of belonging. A longing I never knew until I lapsed into a coma. However, Nothing lasts forever. I must have confused you for someone who would hold my hand when things got dark. I just wished, I had some closure. Nonetheless, I have always known how to plant roses upon the grave of my sorrow. With my soul gripping to live, and this mind weakening, I am still yearning to remember the feelings of your hands lulling my weary mind back into sanity. But, You vanished, a mist into thin air. My heart left, ever since in this disrepair. Each day I mourn the space between us two While you remain aloof and blind to me. It is I, who is the fragile one now, Living, under the weight of an avalanche. I’ve been needing your lies, I’ve been craving your poison, I’ve been missing your demons. The air kisses me too, sometimes almost like the way you do, . . . it's not enough, but it's all I have...
Miles away from my head My mind wonders through the vacuum of space, I keep your existence alive by fabrication, sewing selective memories in the lobes of my brain, but they manifest And my dreams -- are the seams of my sanity being pulled out. A constant migraine hammered into my skull, everyday I burst out randomly and cry so hard until my knees quake. My sadness does not end, it folds me, unfolds me; creases me and turns me into a paper airplane- I float. How do i explain to you there are parts of my life that move slower without you in them? I am learning the autopsy of a soul: extracting a heart from the chest, as it's sense of belonging was never there. An inability to weigh the words bleeding from valves, aside lungs I'm unable to breathe through. Ahh - Yes, You became that important to me. And I wonder where I did wrong to make you start to lie again and pushed me away, when I grew up wanting only your trust and attention. I pushed myself trying to win you back, but there was nothing to even try, when that’s not what you want. How did those feelings fade away I guess I will never knew. I do not even have the courage to ask you what is real and what is fake. Sweet memories collapse with imagination— Seen as over indulgent frustration. And all that seems is unseeming. I just fear that one day I'll also forget the color of your eyes, the one thing spellbinding me with all these sweet memories as they gradually start to subside, with all emotions departed from the clouds of white that blinked upon time and then stopped. Here my tears became mathematical, as I remembered how you walked away, they drew 11 on my cheeks. I knew this time you weren't coming back so like dividing a 7 with 3, I remained here. Crystallizing, like the frost around my rib cage. A palette colder than the snow falling from outer space Ohh' How is it today, I am a quiet shade of blue?
When wisps of dandelions lay still in the blanket of your hair, and your eyes can no longer say I love you without your lips moving, I know my world has ended. I wished you could confess to me who you really are, and stop hiding your secrets, but, You held your tongue, fighting the desires you tried to hide within. Covered in sugary lies, lust lingers and love slowly dies. Some part of me will always want you, and will always wonder what we could have been, since, You taught me possessiveness. A love that was only mine. You taught me what it was to love somebody, just not enough to set them free easily. You taught me jealousy, showed me pain and anguish, at the end only to got another blame. You also taught me the way people can change, and the way they can stop loving us - Just like that - There was a time I thought of adoration at the mere mention of your name, but it's now replaced with bitter resentment. In the miscalculated performance, you couldn't be faithful. My final lesson from you was a lesson to walk away for good, and never to come back. This is where I knew, I must learn to let go without the closure that I thought I deserve. However, If I continue to weep, Sorrow and pain won't let me sleep. At least, now The empty promise of you to always be there can finally be laid to rest. The phone might not ring anymore, my screen would not light up reading your name. but it takes one brave move to break a habit. I know I am fragile, Sweetheart. but not enough to crumple in your grasp...
This time , my heart has tripped out from my chest and found home in a stranger's palm . He squeezes it and tries to soak it in holy water , to make it new again . But it has cracks , endless cracks , nasty nightmarish stains . Stranger , you look like you know the difference between experience and mistakes ; love and infatuation and things that always confuse me . Tell me stranger , have you found love yet ? You tell me my eyes hold secrets and are deep , my palms have creases made of silk fibers , voice dripping with stardust and I look familiar to you . Do I ? I have always held more than seven colours on my canvases , always more than 26 letters in my poems and I've held more than one funeral for every chunk of myself I lost to the void at 5 am's . Are you one of those colours ? Letters or Chunks ? Do you also write poems about unrequited love and let the world believe you're just a poet , and inhale soot when you're alone ? No , You look like solid madness . You talk about things you like with such raging passion , I want to dip my hands in blood and place them on your bare heart . But If I tell you , my eyes are just pale marbles , and the creases on my palms are made with precision of haunted knives , my voice a whisper of your scared subconscious and I look familiar because I broke you heart once , Tell me stranger , would I still look like a muse to you ?
It is a poetry form created by Karan Naidu. This form consists of 4 verses of 3 lines each. The syllable count for each stanza is 3, 6, 9. In this style of poem, the beauty of a lover is compared with the nature and described. (As im not love stuck, maybe couldn't compare much.)
You had my soul at the first greet, when I went through your words..I remember how exactly you dedicated a favourite piece of yours to me and I was so mesmerized with your charm and so captured in your thought, until the day I opened the book of yours. The diary in which you keep jotting down every of your emotions, every of your moments. I read each and every words of it, as if, it were some holy book and I was offering my last prayers till I reached the chapter after which I never found anything about yourself but her. It is still heartbreaking that you remember every tiny details of her..I envy her not becuase she is more beautiful than me or more talented but merely because she has this mentions in your words. I probably cannot hate her too because the way you described her, made me admire her so much.
I wish she saw that in your words..alas I realised she wasn't a great reader else she would see it, the way you fell for her..totally. I now realise I have much similarities like her, the only reason, that attracted you to me..but still I am not her, I will never be. I could try being her for you but it wouldn't be justified for me because you adore her so much and I know how that feels.
In case you open your diary again..I have placed this dry rose in it, a reminder that I have read your words, I saw your love for her..I know you will be void for a while when I leave you but I just realised, you are a bad reader too..
//Sometimes all we want is someone to listen us out. What if I say I'll be that someone for you?//
Mirakee. A writer's paradise. A community. There are writers and readers here. Just? Nope. There are humans here staying under this shelter and I am one of you all.
It's been more than a year I'm writing here and I'm not lying when I say I've seen here alot of things more than I've seen in my entire life. Have met so many people, known their stories, read them, interacted with them, held them in my mind like a part of me and much more.
We write. Just words? Nope. We write love, hate, hope, despair, and every other emotion a human can feel. Each pen writes something. Something is different about every pen. Each pen has a different story to tell. Each pen feels differently. For me, my paper/screen has always listened to me. Always. Without judging, without getting mad at me, without asking any question, without poking me, without making fun of me. Just kept quiet without saying a word and listened to me. To everything I said. May it be sensible, may it be insensible. Just listened being a good friend. Isn't it the same way for you too?
I'm lucky enough to have a person in my life who does exactly the same thing for me. I know how different it is when paper listens and when a real person listens. But does everyone have someone like this? I don't think so. And at times a person might have someone but what happens when you can't really tell that person about what's bothering you? We can't deny the possibility of something happening like this. Maybe the person you have isn't in a state to know what you want to tell, maybe you aren't in a state to tell. Can be any reason.
What does a writer do at such time? Writes it down as much as possible.
What if you know there's a person on the other side of your screen? You don't know who it is but just is. That person is ready to lend you ears, a mind and a heart for you to tell anything that's bothering you or making you happy but you have no one to share with. That person is ready to listen you, whatever you want to tell. You are free to consider that someone as the person you can't tell. Or someone you wish you had but you don't.
Here's what this account is exactly about: This account is made specially for you. Me, the account holder of this account is here for you, to listen you out. Just listen. No matter what you have to say. I'll listen. Won't say a single word. Won't reply. This is exactly what my best friend's chat window does for me when he isn't online. I spam the chatbox with all the thoughts running in mind. Because I know on the other side, there is someone who's there for me, listening me. I can wait for him to come online. But what if the thoughts are hurting my head and I need to let them out as soon as possible? Why should I wait when I have an option to just say it all? And that's what I do. I swear I feel lighter. Sometimes alot and sometimes a little. But I do. Sometimes I find a few solutions when I say it all. I find some peace in all the chaos. I really do. See. I don't want to take someone's place in your life. Remember this. I just want you to find some peace, some relief out of whatever you'll be going through in that moment. Taking things out of your heart and mind for once really helps. I'm here to help you in that.
How will you tell me? The only way is through comments. And you're right. You'll be commenting what you want to tell. But Through your account? Nope. I respect your privacy. It's not just you but someone else too who'll be commenting. Just like you, even I don't want any third party to know what YOU have commented. So how? Make a separate account yourself? Nope.
This is it. Anyone who wants to comment staying anonymous, can use this account to comment.
I don't know who will or how many people will tell me anything but it's a kind request.. please do follow these simple rules. DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Do not change the password, if you change then someone who really wants to use the account, won't be able to log in. Do not do anything else with the account other than using it for commenting on my, as in @iamlisteningyou account. Only comment on my account. Do not post anything from that account or bother anyone else other than me. Try not to use abusive words. Do not like, repost or follow anyone from that account other than me. IMPORTANT: Once you are done commenting, remove the account from your device. Do not keep it in your device as limit might get full.
Just add the account information mentioned above in your gmail and log into mirakee via that account. Comment anything you wanna tell and no will know it's you.
❤️This initiative is inspired by a youtube video whose link is in my bio. Do watch it.
I wish you love, hope and positivity
I have made two separate posts. One for criticism and one for improvement ideas. Do share your views there.
The last post is for the purpose of my account.
Please help me spread this. You may not find this any important but someone might Tag accounts if possible. I apologise for bothering you in any way.
Edit: Knowing how Mirakee works, I need a favor from you people. As no one knows who I am and as this account is brand new, it's difficult for this to reach many people. If possible from your side, will you please post a post mentioning this account? Just for a day or even less. I don't want you to write anything about this but just a mention post. I'll be grateful if you do so.
I can't thank you all enough for accepting this initiative. My respect and gratitude to you.❤️