I splash a handful of water on my face and look up at the facade staring back at me , though not my own ;
I move away , back-back-back, it's my habit, you see, to back away everytime and look at the body staring back at me, though not my own;
There's too much skin, layers and layers of pathetic misery sagging down my sides and even the front, hatred weighing down my belly , a bundle of skin they despise to hell
The side of my skin is too heavy for this world to hold up, too salty for the society to digest, too unique for my kins to accept, so they keep damning it, pushing it to a corner like the nuisance kid made to stand outside the class
The side of my skin hangs loose, like a head bowed in shame, as if it's something filthy and not a part of who I am
The side of my skin is how I define me, layer upon layer embedded like soft cotton in a duvet, a duvet that keeps me going through cold eves!!
Streets, glassy with fresh rain, shops, an aisle of busy blur; there's a lot of chaos to be hearing my feet fall one after the other, forming tiny ripples of once crooked reflections, yet I hear them ring loud down the noisy street
I stop, choke the poor umbrella to death, wanting nothing but to vanish beneath this open roof, just like a kitten hiding under a make-believe haven, unknown she's open to seeking eyes.
To my right, a bunch of boys howl and whistle at ladies sputtering high pitched giggles — people; they like to be sought, so they croak out noises and make them nouns: a giggle, a howl, a laugh, a cry— all nothing but flails of desperation, a faint hope of being sought in turmoil
Yet I stand here, wanting nothing but to disappear, be faceless to facades and mute to voices asking why?
I force my feet forward, feeling paused in a plodding blur; tap-tap-tap, I still hear it, but I keep walking by!!
Puffed up and red-rimmed like little cushions of sorrow, I eye those baby blues filled with rhetoric questions;
One could have written chapters in their praise and I still would have tumbled at the stories they beheld
They acquiesce of lusty love and a deadly despair, of trashed trust and secrets crushed beneath the soles of cruel tears: they can't stop talking, yet remain as passive as waters before an outbreak.
Time stills to a sluggish gait, leaves rustle in the distance, pebbles crunch under moving feet, water ripples some dead melodies, trees sway to the chimes of wind and almost everything has a tune to play; it's as if a song is being sung behind the screen and our eyes are tapping to the tunes of it.
Here, in this moment, some longest seconds combine to form an eternity, where poems are written, love letters are exchanged, some kisses and hugs are relayed; but then you blink and it shatters, crumbles to a reality where we stand estranged!!
You say paintings have souls and that's why people spend hours gawking at them , trying to make some sense out of someone's wreckage
So I always wondered that if I were a painting , would you take your time to make some sense out of me? Would you try and remember me by heart , every crooked angle , every pale patch that shed the paint in flakes
I wonder if you would still try and peek at my soul like I'm the missing piece of a puzzle you've been solving since forever in your head , if you would study all my flaws yet call me beautiful , a piece of art , a pregnant pause you always reveled in , something consequential enough to have your senses piqued
But then I remember that I'm human and not a painting and as luck would have it , we humans are the strangest of all .
We dawdle away our time understanding things , giving them identity they never asked for but not spend a minute of compassion towards the frazzled minds that constantly demand congruence with humanity ;
it's pathetic how we treat things like people and people like things!!
Some days life abandons you on others , you do the abandoning
You call it depression I call it self molestation , too many voices molesting the brain , too many pills that numb the thoughts but don't make them go away , too many senses being harassed till you are a talking mute and a walking dead
You say they are weak and selfish . Yes they are , weakened by a thousand mental deaths , tired of those selfless smiles they put on for an act , an act to please family and friends , to let them know that they are (br)OK(en)
Yes they are weak and selfish and tell me if it's wrong that they want to rip life off themselves like a band-aid being ripped off a wound , feeling the pain one last time , letting it go once and for all , dissolving into nothingness ; a peaceful abode they begged for but we couldn't provide because we were too busy letting them know 'they could talk' to see if they had any voice left!!
The lies that you've painted on your lips speak volumes, while the truth locked between them turns into a slow poison, frothing, so when you lick them again, along you wipe the false accusations and the filthy money keeping your freedom chained.
The desire fillled dance of demons dampens the dreams, stranger than the stranger you met in your nightmares, and you become a ripper of your own eyes, blinded by lustful ties and blinding lights.
Rummaging through a symphony of silence, you listen for a cacophonous cry coming from your body, the home to versatility, wilted hope being auctioned for a dowry, only to be paid homage of daily worship, and a whore you become when you fail the bidding.
Hey! Your face is too big/too small, your waist wide, length too tall, the bumps on your chest, that you call breasts are sagging, the growth of your hair is lagging, but ugh, you got a moustache, ain't that supposed to be a filter on snapchat?!
Oh my! Your knees are black, so are your elbows and neck, tell me girl, how come, you aren't already an emotional wreck?!
Shame, shame! You are so lame, who ever wears a halo over a devil's mane! How do you see your eyes, they aren't an ocean but a handful of lies! Your face is flat and so is your butt, can you spell sexy, if not, then keep your mouth shut. Before you wear a crop top, crop some weight, hey girl have you ever been asked to a date? Did your mother not feed you today, no wait, I know, it was stolen off of your tray.
A beauty bone, is all you need, you think but, honey, you look like a ragged coat, on a hanger, that stinks!
Why don't you treat your face, so that it won't look obese? Shave your legs, wax your beard and through your eyebrows, run a thread, stare at your reflection and grieve before you go to bed. Is that a pimple on your cheek, why of medicine do you reek? Gross, there's acne on your back, why aren't you clad in a sarong of a sack?!
Dream and scream, rub more cream, you won't have to be a walking-talking meme, damn! you are talking to the mirror it seems, now I see why do you have such low self-esteem, You've dissected your eyes and built a shame team, come with me and rinse them of all screens.
Can you see clear, or are there more tears? Without any walls, you stand before your fears. smile and let your dimples deepen, eyes glisten, tell them behind the lies of tears, there's a single truth hidden, it is all dust that we see, you and me, even a blind man beholds beauty in his eyes, when staring at the mirror, beautiful he cries.
I was dressed in misery after killing my own thoughts That once used to make me happy I was wearing a golden crown To prevent those uncanny imaginations But isn't it true that "Appearances are deceptive" The crown was rusted from inside.
All I know is life is never the way you imagine it to be I changed from a beautiful caterpillar to a caged butterfly that have choosen it's own doom. I searched happiness in the cadence of winds that freeze before it touches me There was a tinge of sadness in everything I do My heart aches for the past and I regret The metamorphosis that lead me to misery.
I was that pain and those tears Lying as an empty carcass in the necropolis To discover a window in that dingy coffin Through which my soul can escape And soar the sky to a world away from distortion To a world where my grey metaphors will turn Into smiley similes, bad imageries to good memories Where I can die in some peace.
So , finally this year has come to an end. Some hours left for us to begin a journey of new year. The poem that I have written in this post , is a conclusion of this year. Personally, I don't feel that this year was that bad. Because we learnt a lot of things from this year as coined by @thewordplayer and @selenophilic_873 . Therefore, I feel that we should find the positives out of the negatives that is happening. Also , we should thank all the people who backed us during these tough times. And therefore, let us not hold grudges against this year and start a smooth and free spirited journey of 2021. The best thing that has happened to me is that I started my writing journey this year. Therefore, I would like to thank @mismagical and my parents for inspiring me to write my feelings. Also , a very big thanks to @mirakee and @writersnetwork for providing us this platform to write as well as read the beautiful compositions of other writers. At last , thank you everyone!! And wish you all a happy new year in advance. @sangfroid_soul , @fireblast_@thewordplayer@atticoftheheart A read ? :) PS :- If you find me offbeat in this poem, let me know in the comment section below. I just expressed my feelings with whatever thoughts I had while writing this piece. #writersnetwork#mirakee#pod