medha_himanshu

www.instagram.com/medha_himanshu

STRONG. BOLD. FIERCE Miranda House'23 its my pinterest :3

Grid View
List View
  • medha_himanshu 11w

    Esteem

    again I'm here, sitting by my balcony, looking outside, it's so warm and yellow. It made me forget a lot of things, just like until this moment, I was sitting in my room, gulping my tears down my throat. Holding back emotions, wanting to control everything inside. I couldn't, I wanted to sit by myself, alone.
    A few days get so overwhelmingly shaky.
    the little girl inside me continues to stay naive but the body has grown, mind has grown. The heart is just the same the way it was, of a little girl.
    As a daughter, all my life I've been stepped over and disrespected, and all these years, I've taken the task of understanding the intentions of the man at the other end, and where he's coming from.
    As an adult, I have internalized this habit to understand the intentions more than their actions.
    Either I cut people completely off or I'm desperately stuck.
    my dad didn't teach me vitality, he didn't teach me the meaning of being respected and heard. He didn't teach me how it felt to be heard and free. He taught me the feeling of disrespect. He taught me fear. Although he taught me the strength to ride a bike, be self-sufficient though,
    On the other hand, he broke the strength of my self-esteem.
    He initiated it
    I internalized it.
    the little girl inside me didn't even understand the problem until she came into a relationship with a boy who treated her exactly like her father did.
    As I watch the sky, the yellow sun, my problems, and sadness suddenly doesn't seem so big but it feels so real. I have a problem to solve. It was my birthday 3 days ago, and I wanna gift myself the ability to be vocal and resilient.
    To solve the issues of my abandonment.

    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 15w

    Too tired

    if you're too tired to speak just sit next to me.
    the pink-purplish sky above us, its light is reflecting on your skin, it's a beautiful evening.
    Let's sit on the pavement in silence because I too am comfortable around pauses.
    If I may, I'd like to take a glimpse into your eyes just for a few seconds.
    Just sink in your emotions into mine.
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 17w

    Swatting

    ever heard of swatting? When you play hide-and-seek, how someone comes from the back, tiptoeing, they pat your back, & you become the person who gets to find everyone, again.
    let's hear something comparable.

    it's so disgusting, so gross, when you talk to someone how much can you pretend to be something you're not? how do you act by a plot?
    It's so small, so sad.
    things, conversations we shared, discussed how the vulnerability is so fragile, flimsy are tears.
    and you took advantage of every possible fear.
    did you say you understand integrity?
    did you say you stand respect?
    guys like you, I pity,
    guys like you are a shame.
    made up of diminutive bones and a twisted heart,
    gut like clutter, who leave trails of fabricated lies. skeleton with filthy brains, and no life.
    a girl who talked to you thought was your friend but funny, all you talked about her to your friends is her anticipated desire to bend?
    How did you know? Did she tell you? No.
    You said, had not been her boyfriend in between
    She would have been on my bed,
    naked and clean.
    How did you know? Did she tell you? No.
    chivalrous, I must say.
    What brings the audacity and where does it flows from, to where it goes.
    No one can tell because no one knows. It's a sad story of a gashed mind, whose thoughts reeks of disgust, a filthy mind.
    I cannot blame the mothers and brothers who shout at the top of their voices and asks to be emotionally intelligent and be doubtful of intentions.
    people aren't what they show
    maybe they never were.
    maybe they never will be.
    every time you forget this, there will be a swat.
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 22w

    You fear that, don't you?

    There are times, you just want to stop,
    stop hearing, stop sharing because
    In your head, it has become loud and smothered.
    all the noises and their perspectives,
    Which aren't yours, is too much to take in.
    sharing allows for your situation to live in two minds, creates room for two reasons.
    no more, it remains just yours.
    You start feeling the divarication,
    Which you've had always shunned.
    Genuine conversations, shared life is almost like stripping every chunk of your clothing in front of someone.
    Time and again you fear your trust to be not respected, you fear that the priority you give is to be scarred. You fear; you've over-shared, it's gonna hurt. You fear the person you chose to get along with is going to do you wrong.
    You fear that, don't you?
    You believe that
    every time you fight
    You need to cut the ties.
    either you're too attached to be able to break something by yourself or you keep cutting your ties after every time someone disappoints or mumble lies.
    Bestowing someone the power is startling
    When you have abandonment issues.
    You fear that, don't you?
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 22w

    Labyrinth

    What it is and what it's not?
    to fear the tunnels to the trajectory,
    to fear losing yourself in the way.
    It's a labyrinth.
    It's tough for you to learn in a blink,
    So, it's going to take a whole lot of time,
    a little crimp of the heavens,
    even when you're assiduous.
    You're made of what you'll ever need
    do not search for it anywhere else
    Just look inside. It lights beneath your skin.
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 24w

    MALICE

    the strangers who live together
    It's so arduous on both of you
    The cocoon you both created
    Seems ready to burst.
    It aches to see that your union is wretched
    It aches that I'm a part, that I've always been
    Who exists in this vacuum to detect convenience and blame.

    The miserableness nested,
    It reflects in silence in the times you keep
    For even the words, you don't speak.
    Dissent spares no one, it swamps in its flames.

    I hate to be the one to detect the flaws as am I, someone, which your togetherness created.
    Which meant to be an act of love.
    For love what I believed to be,
    It didn't exist, never had.
    It's truly just a union, tied and knotted.
    an agreement of compromise.

    taking aways the lessons if it has to be of this way,
    being all by yourself is kinder than to ever learn to live with altering compromises and tolerance, all day; every day.
    not knowing what exactly you look for is; alright
    but to know what exactly you're not
    creates a difference
    of what love is and what it's not
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 38w

    Sits in heaven

    She left us,
    How and why? No one can tell.
    Questions unanswered,
    bewildered and engulfed,
    So deep in emotions.
    Your beliefs will form a bridge of hope
    To meet her until next time
    When you would have your next cup of tea together, sit in the bedroom and talk for hours.
    I know those memories of her have you devoured
    I know how hard can it get, you crave your last one more times; one more cup of tea, one more conversation, one additional ride to the temple.
    Her favourite prayers, her bond with the lord
    Her prayers were for you that helped in your despair.
    A million 'one more time' would not suffice the void, inside your heart.
    It would not ease your wriggle and your knots.
    Always remember, those we love are never forgotten.
    Their soul their prayers are right above you.
    Those we love, never go away
    They come and stoke your forehead for a good night when you're deep asleep.
    You just can't see, but still, you feel them.
    Unheard, but still you hear them?
    You exactly know how they sound.
    They walk beside you, guide you
    Through the beliefs, they laid in you.
    I'm not going to comment on how she has ascended to the lord or now is probably a twinkling star? Looking down for you from far away.
    I don't know that for now
    All I know, she was here laughing with you, sitting beside you, eating beside you, in peace.
    All I know that she still is.
    She will always do, in peace.
    It's happening all of it, you just can't see.
    Because all you can do is to believe
    In her, in you.
    It hurts, will always do.
    A little time will help you to soak in.
    Every time you hear them mentioned, you'll cry
    Because layers of which your emotions are made are thin.
    When you eat, keep a bite aside
    As I said, you just can't see.
    And that's okay.
    She's here
    You're loved.
    @medhahimanshu
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 39w

    Grief

    When something is scattered inside you, the pieces fly,
    Every breaking piece of you goes in million ways.
    Sometimes they get into the skin of your loved ones, it hurts but it demands to be removed and put back to its original space.
    Some are pulled down by the gravity, they soak in
    Some pieces spring back
    They find corners in you to shack
    Every grief is difficult and different to understand
    Nobody talks about grief, mourning every day
    So we don't know to respond when it slams your loved ones.
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 39w

    Humpy ✨

    This particular month comes to an end and I am near exhaustion.
    It had me bent over grief and fear.
    I try not to go down the memory lane
    Mostly because once I do, the tears won't stop.
    I hate casting a reflection because it's difficult routing, to be without you and your wiggly tail.
    I'm sorry but I try not to think about you and it's been a month now, I have miserably failed.
    I am guilty, I am sad
    I feel so confused, there is so much pain that I can't explain,
    I am mad, mad over myself.
    I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I couldn't see you,
    When you were struggling for life, in tremendous fear.
    I'm sorry for all the pain, I didn't even got a chance to say adieu.
    Every time someone mentions your name
    It feels like there are broken glass pieces scattered across the room and I have to walk through it.
    I can't see you anymore and it devastates me Because I miss your hands in my hands,
    Your cheeks, your smile, your belly, your small thighs.
    All I want is you in my arms anyhow.
    Please come back, it's been a while!?
    My brother misses rubbing your belly, carrying you in his lap.
    He says every time he looks at your pictures he tries to think of those 9 years that you have blessed us with, not that one day when you left.
    And yet I fail to do so, I can't forget the date, for me not accepting your absence is the only way.
    We yearn for you, every day
    Our heart wriggles,
    I blink and you run across,
    My mind, my heart, the floor
    I know, You are here, you aren't far away.
    Please never forget us
    We gonna meet
    We're gonna hug and kiss like before
    It's gonna be like we were never separated
    I'll come back home and I will hear your bark
    See you hop and bounce while you wait at the door.
    ©medha_himanshu

  • medha_himanshu 40w

    Halt

    Endings could stop if you think about a new start, a different kind every time
    Whenever your thoughts mire around stopping
    Realise, you could have ended exactly the first time you thought you might.
    The first failure, or a broken heart or the accident or someone's death?
    Do you remember these times?
    But see, you made it till here, till today
    You gave yourself chances, you improvised endings. You still could, every chance will require you to adjust changes and make you learn that it's okay.
    It was okay, it still is and always be.
    ©medha_himanshu